(Clearwisdom.net) I started to practice Falun Dafa around January of 1996. During the past five years from July 20 of 1999 up to July 20 of this year (2004), I have been trying to follow the Fa continuously to correct my cultivation path under the merciful protection of the Teacher as well as with help from fellow practitioners. I fell many times, and I would always stand up again. Again I would fall behind once more, but eventually, I have made it through. Today, I'd like to take this opportunity to submit my "paper on personal cultivation of Dafa practitioners from China" sponsored by Minghui/Clearwisdom to share some of my experiences with fellow practitioners.
1. Getting rid of fears and doing the necessary things openly and above-board
During 2000, the evil forces were the most rampant. In our local area, we had just established some sites to produce and distribute Dafa related documents and materials. However, all these sites were completely destroyed by the authorities. The total loss amounted to hundreds of thousands of yuan, and almost all the practitioners in charge of those sites were arrested. At one time, even the source which provided us with the latest Minghui information was cut off, and this had a huge negative impact on the ongoing truth clarification process.
One month later, a practitioner from out of town called me and told me that she had got hold of a lot of truth clarification materials, and she asked me whether our local area needed any such materials. Deep in my heart, I knew that we definitely needed the materials; however, at that particular time, I didn't quite understand the true nature of the wicked persecution and I developed fear in my heart. Also, my husband had just become homeless as a result of the recent damage to our local area's material sites, and I had to take care of my 8-year-old child as well. Many of the practitioners around me were also very cautious after the destruction of the sites and they had no idea about what to do next. All these considerations hovered in my mind and I just couldn't directly answer that practitioner's inquiry. At the same time, I got another call from a practitioner urging me to be careful, suggesting that I break off contact with that practitioner. Faced with such a dilemma, I became hesitant. I was not sure whether or not I should go get the truth clarification materials.
I discussed the issue with another practitioner who told me: "I think we should do the truth clarification work." During our chat, Teacher's article "Suffocate the Evil" came to my mind. Teacher says:
"All of the students who are clarifying the truth today in order to validate Dafa have done really well. I have thoroughly affirmed this. What they have done is absolutely correct--there's no doubt about this. I hope everyone remains clearheaded."
How could I be confused by the false impressions around me? I should listen to the words of the Teacher and do the things that I should. So, right after I realized this, I contacted the practitioner from out of town.
2. Making sure to get back up after falling down
One day in March 2001, I was working in my work unit and I had just heard my manager utter, "OK, I will not let her go" on the phone. I realized that some depraved individuals were coming to take me away again. I then made an excuse, saying that I needed to go to somewhere to do some business for our work unit. I left at once. Right after that, I got a call from a fellow practitioner, telling me that she was being detained at her workplace under the direction of the 610 Office. She said that they were forcing her to go to a brainwashing center.
I realized that I should not go home at such a time and decided to visit one of my relatives. However, on my way to the relative's house, some 5 or 6 people from my work unit's security office found me and forcefully grabbed my bike in order to stop me. They pushed me to the ground together with my bike. One of the security staff came to grab one of my arms and I started to shout: "Help! Someone's trying to rob me." Several people passing by began to approach me, and the person who had grabbed my arm was surprised and released me right away. I left the bike and rushed to my relative's home. Shortly afterwards, around 30 armed policemen arrived in 5 or 6 vehicles. They surrounded my relatives' house and their child was so frightened that he started to cry. In fear and under the influence of personal sentimentality towards my family and relatives, I started to regard the occurrence as some kind of persecution of ordinary people by ordinary people. I then called my work unit's manager. The manager told me to cooperate with the police and he hung up right away. He never picked up the phone again. I then called one of my colleagues and asked him to help me out, but he just mumbled. It was getting dark and snow started to fall. My relatives' house was under surveillance the whole time. I spent that night in anxiety.
As I didn't want to implicate my relatives, I agreed to go to the brainwashing center the next day. Upon arrival, I learned that all those doing the brainwashing were former practitioners who had turned against Dafa as a result of brainwashing. They had enlightened along an evil path. They threatened me and said, "We know everything you have done. You have to behave yourself here, otherwise, you will be sent to a forced labor camp." I said to myself, "There is no way I'll listen to these people. I should not stay here, I have to get out." At that time, I didn't know how to send forth righteous thoughts and I just kept reciting in my heart: "Suffocate the evil, eradicate the evil." Under the merciful protection of Teacher, I got out of the brainwashing center the very next day. To avoid certain arrest thereafter, I was forced to become homeless from then on.
In "Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the US West Fa Conference," Teacher says:
"Speaking from another angle, my disciples, when the old forces are able to do what they want to do, isn't that because you've silently consented to what they want to do? When they tell you to go you go, when they tell you to write something you write it, when they tell you to do something you just do it, and when they arrest and sentence you, you just helplessly, silently consent to it. Of course, that's caused by your having attachments inside and not being able to let go of them, but the more you can't let go, the more severely you're persecuted, since the wicked beings that are controlling and ruining Dafa disciples can see your attachments and what you're attached to. In contrast, those disciples who've let go of life and death aren't afraid of anything, and the evil beings are in fear of them. But the reason they can let go is that they've cultivated well."
I had thought that since I didn't leave any written statements at the brainwashing center, it appeared that I hadn't yielded to the evil forces. After reading through the above Fa however, I realized I was sent to the brainwashing center due to my own human emotional attachments, and it indicated that I was not following Teacher's words.
After I left the brainwashing center, the fear inside me made me decide to escape from my native province and I thought that it might be relatively safe for me to do this. There were two other practitioners who accompanied me, and we tried to ask someone to give us a ride. However, no car passed by whatsoever. We had to walk and we said to ourselves that we might run into a car on the way. There were some cars that drove by us, but none of them stopped to pick up us. I still didn't enlighten even under such a circumstance, and we continued walking along the road. At 2 a.m., I suddenly fell on the roadside and my pants ripped apart at the knee area. I immediately realized that I had some problems with myself. At that time, I just couldn't move a single step and so I decided to lie down in the cornfield nearby the road to take a brief rest. It was chilly in the early morning, yet even such a chill couldn't wake up my soul, and I was simply too entrenched in my own attachments. At 5 a.m., we finally got a ride to the city. We had planned to take a bus to continue going further away from our hometown, but all the buses were scheduled to leave the city in the afternoon. We then went to the train station. The train schedule indicated that all the trains that would take us to our destination would also depart in the afternoon. We decided we had to take a taxi. While the taxi was on the highway, one of the tires went flat, and we had to stop. I was a little surprised, however I still didn't enlighten to my attachments. Eventually, we made it to our destination. In that strange and alien place, I started to think over and over: "The world is so big, how could there be no places for me to reside? Or, have I really done something wrong to have brought me to such a situation?"
Upon quiet reflection, I started to think of the Teacher's article, "Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s):"
"Over the past year, students' own karma, inadequate understanding of the Fa, inability to let go of attachments amidst tribulations, inability to deal with things using righteous thoughts amidst painful trials, and so on, are the main reasons behind evil's escalation of the persecution, and are the true fundamental excuses that the evil has used to damage the Fa."...
"All of you are already aware of the principle of mutual-generation and mutual-inhibition. If you are not afraid, the factor that would make you afraid will cease to exist. This is not to be self-imposed, but is achieved by truly and calmly letting go of it."
I began to understand that even if I was able to get far away from my hometown in this dimension, I couldn't avoid running into the evil forces in the other dimensions. I was a Dafa practitioner, how could I have decided to look for a so-called safe haven? Right at that moment, I detached myself from my human notions and I suddenly felt a tremendous relief all over my body.
3. Breaking away from emotional attachments and liberating oneself from bondage.
On the morning after I became homeless, I suddenly developed a depressing feeling. I had never experienced such depression before. The bitterness within my heart was inexplicable. As I wandered around, my husband was homeless, and my child was left at home. During that moment, my whole mind was occupied with images of my child. I simply couldn't help myself and I started to cry. Some fellow practitioners noticed me and one of them uttered: "So unwilling to leave human attachments behind." I was astonished by the practitioner's words and thought: "Am I wrapped up too deeply by emotional demons?" In Teacher's "Lecture at the Australia Fa Conference in Sydney, May 2-3, 1999," a practitioner asked the Teacher:
"Student: Even though I've taken measures to clearly distinguish what is myself, I still can't completely stop it.
Teacher: If you were to say, "I don't want you," and it just died, that would be too straightforward. When you can clearly distinguish it, you yourself are getting stronger, you yourself are awakening and enlightening, you yourself are breaking through its encirclement, getting progressively stronger, while it's getting progressively weaker, progressively disappearing, until it's finally eliminated. There needs to be a process."
I realized that I should not be interfered with by the demons of emotion, and that I should break away from them. Just like that, as soon as my thoughts were righteous, the bitterness in my heart disappeared very quickly.
Yet there was another thing that came into my mind. Before I became homeless, I learned that my father, who was also a practitioner, had been arrested by the evil forces because he was in charge of one the material production sites. When I first heard the news, I felt very uncomfortable in my heart, and I missed my father all of the time. He was already in his 70s. Could he stand up against all the suffering? I knew I was too emotionally attached to my father, so I kept reciting in my heart:
"What's hard about it is that when you get shortchanged and know it, or when something critical is at stake, are you affected inside? When you're in the middle of people's scheming and fighting, are you affected inside? When your family or friends are suffering, are you affected inside? And are you able to keep these things in perspective? Being a cultivator is that hard!" (From Zhuan Falun 2003)
Later on, I learned that the jail had refused to take in my father after they checked his physical health and found he was not physically qualified for a prison term. He was then sent back home. Through this occurrence, I came to understand that when we genuinely let go of our attachments, Teacher will arrange anything for us.
The Fa-rectification has progressed to the current stage, and I have persisted through numerous failures. However, I still have many shortcomings, especially in the area of truth clarification, and I still can't do it openly and aboveboard with wisdom. As far as respecting the Teacher, and honoring and defending the Fa is concerned, I sometimes will still slacken. I realize that as a Dafa practitioner, if I don't respect the Teacher and honor and defend the Fa firmly, that will only indicate that I don't truly believe in Dafa, and as a result, I will not be able to do the three things well.
In "Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Vancouver, Canada, in 2003," Teacher says,
"Actually, as long as you're steadfast in studying the Fa and study it well, you correct yourself, and you conduct yourself well again, then you're still a Dafa disciple. Just do well next time, that's all, and don't dwell on it as if it were so grave. If in your mind you take it to be so grave it'll create another situation where you feel pressured by regret and worry, and then you will sink into the attachment and you won't be able to break out of it. The whole cultivation process of a Dafa disciple is a process of removing human attachments. No matter what it is you've experienced, as soon as you realize the problem just correct it immediately; if you fall, just get up and continue to do what a Dafa disciple should do."
Let's diligently march forward together and walk our path well. Let's do the three things well and cherish the current moment of time that the Teacher has provided for us. Let's live up to the merciful expectations of our great honorable Teacher.
