(Clearwisdom.net) I am a 45-year-old disabled person and need to use crutches when walking. I was afflicted with smallpox at two years of age. Later on, I also got diabetes, heart disease, blood accumulation in the pelvic cavity, and vertebra deformation. I couldn't care for myself. All the household work was done by my husband. For several dozen years I had been going to doctors and taking medicine to cure my illnesses. However, after an enormous amount of money was spent, nothing worked. After all the physical pain from the illnesses, the mental aguish plus the financial burden, I felt I would rather die than live.
At the end of March 1999, I was fortunate to have encountered the ability to begin practicing Falun Dafa. After only practicing for one month, my body had gone through a tremendous change. I was able to do housework and my body felt relaxed. Falun Dafa gave me a second life. My whole family was grateful for Teacher's immense compassion and praised the miraculous power of Dafa.
Through studying the Fa, I understood that the requirements of Falun Dafa cultivation were to follow the universal principle of "Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance," to elevate one's mind, to be a good person always, to cultivate to become unselfish and selfless, put others ahead of oneself always, and understand that the purpose of life is to return to one's true self. The desire to cultivate came from deep within my heart, and I decided to cultivate until reaching my goal. During that time, I went to the practice sites with other practitioners in the morning, and went to practitioners' homes to study the Fa in the evening. My mindset elevated quickly. I felt I was immersed in Teacher's care. I was very happy.
On July 20, 1999, Jiang Zemin colluded with the Chinese Communist Party to persecute Falun Gong. I went to Beijing to appeal to the government three times in an attempt to explain the truth. The first two times I was intercepted on the way to Beijing and was sent home. I was fined 500 yuan each time, once at the year's end of 1999 and the other on October 1, 2000. The third time I went to Beijing on October 4, 2000, I was able to stand in Tiananmen Square and shout, "Falun Dafa is Good," from deep down in my heart. I was arrested and detained in one of the local government offices. Later, I was sent back to my hometown and was illegally detained in the No. 2 Detention Center of Qinhuangdao City for 33 days.
During the sixteenth National People's Congress meeting in 2002, I was arrested at home by An Shigang, a policeman from Zhang Zhuang Police Station, and sent to the No. 2 Detention Center. I went on a hunger strike for 10 days to protest. I was released after 13 days. On February 8, 2002, two policemen, An Shigang and Zhang Peng, took me to the police station and attempted to force me to write a Guarantee Statement. I refused and was sent to the No. 2 Detention Center for the third time. I went on hunger strike for 10 days. When my whole body was filled with scabies, I was released.
After I got home, my whole body became dropsy, my mouth and eyes contorted, and I had blood in my urine. Through studying the Fa and practicing the exercises, the scabies went away and my mouth and eyes returned to normal. The blood in my urine also stopped. But dropsy was still there. At the end of March 2003, my eyesight became very poor and everything looked blurred to me. Even after being hospitalized and spending more than 4,000 yuan, I lost my eyesight. Today, my whole body is still dropsy, itchy, in pain, and lacks strength. I have difficulty turning my body. I can't take care of my daily life myself. I am suffering in tribulation too.
Through studying the Fa, I realized that I had walked on the path arranged by the old forces. The basic reason was that I didn't follow the requirements set by Teacher, which are to do The Three Things well.
1) I didn't study the Fa calmly. I had studied the Fa every day, but I didn't immerse myself into it and just fell into the formality. Therefore, I didn't comprehend the Fa well enough, and did not understand the Fa based on the Fa. I used the human mindset to comprehend the Fa. When I didn't feel well, the same symptoms appeared as what I had experienced before; I suspected I had the same illnesses. Thus, I thought I was a seriously ill person and began to doubt that Teacher was taking care of me. I found excuses to cover up my own attachments. Looking deeper into myself, I found that the deeply rooted attachment of curing my illness was still there. I simply was looking for comfort in the human world. I didn't follow the standard of the Fa to guide myself and didn't behave as a cultivator. Whenever I felt ill, the first reaction was to cry out: "Help me, Mother!" In a dream, I cried for the help of my family. I didn't think of myself as a cultivator and didn't think of Teacher. All these manifestations came from not having a solid foundation in cultivation.
2) I wasn't clarifying the truth as diligently as I should have, as I carried an ordinary mindset. Whenever others accepted my truth clarification, I was happy. However, when they didn't accept it, I would consider them as beyond saving. I didn't look within to find the true reason. Using my illness as an excuse for not being able to clarify the truth, I had accepted persecution by the evil.
3) I couldn't send forth righteous thoughts calmly. My thoughts and body were severely interfered with by the old forces. I was attached to how I would feel and how my body had changed. My mind followed my feeling. When I felt better, I was happy; and when I didn't feel well, I would think Dafa wasn't working. When fellow practitioners supported me in sending forth righteous thoughts, I sometimes did well and sometimes I didn't. I didn't have the righteous thoughts. When I would consult with fellow practitioners, I seemed to understand then, but would be confused later on. I was hindered by the human mindset: jealousy, competitiveness, low esteem, dependence, looking for comfort, fear, suspicion, being overly insistent, and sticking to my own thoughts. These mindsets were augmented by the old forces.
As I look back at the road I had taken, I found that my attachment to illness was the way by which the old forces used to persecute me. In the meantime, I didn't have a good understanding of the Fa. Together with too many attachments, the old forces were continually able to find the loopholes in me. I was arrested five times. Three times when I was released from the detention center, I didn't expose the evil because I wasn't beaten. I did not see the true evil nature of the persecution. I refused to look at the problem based on the foundation of the Fa. Instead, I used my own mind and considered this persecution was done by humans to other human beings. I believed that my being able to break out was because I had overcome the old forces arrangement and I felt happy about it. In reality, I was accepting the persecution and not totally negating it. This persecution should never have happened. The old forces are not qualified to test Dafa and Dafa practitioners. Only the path arranged by Teacher is the path we should follow.
I want to negate the arrangement made by the old forces and thoroughly break away from them. The path arranged by Teacher is the only path of my cultivation choice. No matter what I have done in the past, from now on I will follow Teacher's words and lay down the human mind and do well The Three Things. With respect to saving sentient beings, I will correct myself, and I will walk the final portion of the path with righteous thoughts and behavior. I will live up to Teacher' compassionate salavation and become a qualified Dafa practitioner.
