From The Second Mainland China Internet Experience Sharing Conference
(Clearwisdom.net) I obtained the Fa in July 2000. At the time, I felt very lucky, but I also somewhat regretted obtaining the Fa so late. I studied the Fa by myself and discussed with other practitioners during Fa study. The practitioners in my hometown were already doing Fa rectification and truth clarification work. Some veteran practitioners asked me if I was brave enough to distribute truth clarification materials and pamphlets. I said, "Yes, I am a Dafa practitioner. With Master and the Fa, I can do whatever veteran practitioners do."
I went to Beijing to appeal in the latter half of 2001. When I arrived at Tiananmen Square at around 12 noon, I looked for poles to hang a banner and hung the banner on the east side of the Square. I returned home at 6 o'clock. Upon reflection, I didn't think I did anything special, but just followed my heart in rectifying the Fa. I also realized that "The cultivation is up to you, gong is up to the master." (Zhuan Falun) We need to be clear-headed when being in critical situations, and maintain a good character.
In discussions with fellow practitioners, they often remind me of being "Full of Great Aspirations While Minding Minor Details." Sometimes it is very hard to endure when I feel like blowing up, and I very much regret every time I get angry. I feel I have failed to endure, and have not been kind and benevolent.
Sometimes I talk with practitioners who had family problems. During the SARS period in 2003, a young village woman visited my family. I told her about the truth of Dafa, and she understood quite well. After she left, my son made a big fuss about it. He said, "It's okay that you practice and study the Fa at home, but don't talk to others when they come to visit us. If you are caught, I would be prohibited from attending middle school."
I told him immediately that we were not doing anything bad, so nothing bad should happen to us. He cried and said: "If you are arrested, I would not want to live any longer." I kept telling him the truth of Dafa, but he would not listen. I did not understand at the time. What was wrong with him? He agreed with the Dafa teachings and knew the truth. Thinking of this, I started to send forth righteous thoughts to clean the evil that was controlling him behind his back.
The next day, my son said to me, "Mom, you need to talk from your heart when you clarify the truth to people, like those who led you to the Fa." I suddenly realized that it was not my son wanting to go against me and the Fa. It was the evil behind him.
A practitioner in the same village tried to talk to me a couple of times, but I did not want to talk to her because I thought she was not clear-minded. One day in May 2005, I fell down some stairs when I was getting angry at someone, and broke my leg. I asked myself what had I done wrong? I realized that I seldom looked within when encountering problems, always thinking that others were wrong. This goes totally against the Fa, and is consistent with the arrangements of the old forces.
Later, the fellow practitioner I had avoided talking to came to see me and I studied the Fa with her and we shared our understandings. Because I had broken my leg, she distributed truth clarification materials for me. After having spent some time with her, I could not avoid noticing some good things about her character. She saved her own money for producing the materials while carrying all kinds of pressure from her family. She might not have been clear-minded because she was too eager to clarify the truth. I pointed this out to her, and was able to see my shortcomings from the interaction with her. After that, we studied the Fa together, and sometimes produced and distributed materials together. On one occasion we argued. At first, we both found problems in each other, not looking within. When we calmed down we realized we were both wrong according to the Fa. Practitioners are not ordinary people. How can we only look at others but not cultivate ourselves? At the end, we had a heart-to-heart talk, and became good friends as before.
Letting go of attachments is like putting down a heavy rock in my heart. It is like the first time that I learned to look within after having cultivated for these years. When I had just obtained the Fa, I did everything like veteran practitioners, and said to myself: "I should do such-and-such as a Dafa practitioner."
However, in the last two years, I have been thinking that way less and less. I know that I have been diligent in cultivation, but not qualified to call myself a Dafa practitioner. Also, I see the difference between fellow practitioners and me, and I should catch up.
I now want to give my sincere appreciation to the fellow practitioners who have helped and are helping me in cultivation, and to our merciful Master who is devoted to saving us! Heshi.
Written on November 10, 2005
