(Clearwisdom.net)
Respectful greetings to Teacher and fellow practitioners!
When I chose this subject to write one of my cultivation experiences, I felt a call from the bottom of my heart, from long ago. The three words, "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance" appear to be ordinary, but they have inspired one hundred million earnest hearts to walk the path of returning to their true self. Listening to the Dafa music, Pudu, I am extremely moved. The sacredness and awesomeness are beyond words, and I can almost see the scene appear in front of me, of signing an agreement with Teacher and making a pledge to assist Teacher in saving sentient beings. I am not a very diligent practitioner; I am on the path of cultivation today completely due to Teacher's compassionate protection and fellow practitioners' sincere help. Here, I would like to extend my greetings to Teacher!
I can never forget that day in the spring of 1998, selfish and without opinion, I stepped onto the path of returning to my true self. As I began to practice Falun Gong, Dafa's miracles manifested in me, and made me believe deeply in Teacher and Dafa. I cherish this hard-won Dafa very much. After doing my job and housework, I used all my spare time to study the Fa and practice the exercises. The group practice environment especially helped me advance in my understanding of the Fa, and that pure environment also ceaselessly washed away the filth and mire that had contaminated me in my earlier years. Every time I watched Teacher's lectures, I had a feeling that could not be expressed in words. I truly felt Teacher's compassion and kindness. His every word was so touching, so that I could not get enough of it and wanted to listen more. The most impressive thing to me is that whenever Teacher gave a lecture, practitioners always handed in many questions on slips of paper. Teacher always put the notes in a tidy pile and answered them, which had a big impact on me when clarifying the truth later on. Every time I listened to Teacher's lectures, I felt extremely tranquil when I practiced the exercises afterwards. It was probably an encouragement to me from Teacher. At that time, I felt that I was the happiest person in the world and I always had a smile on my face.
Because I had just begun to practice Falun Gong, I did not understand about saving sentient beings; I just felt that Dafa was great. When I saw people in hardship, suffering from illness and unhappy, or seeing those who were always busy, I often had compassion for them and wanted to tell them about Dafa. I enjoyed the naiveté of children so much that I could not help but stop and observe them. Although I experienced the pain of being unable to give up attachments to fame, self-interest and qing in the face of tribulation, what followed when I did give up those attachments was a very deep relaxation and an improvement of my xinxing. "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance" illuminate every practitioner's heart like a mirror. At a practice site or in group Fa study, whenever we encountered a conflict, everyone opened up their hearts to look for their own attachments, and then abandoned negative thoughts one after another with the sincere help of other practitioners.
At that time, I regularly participated in activities to introduce Falun Gong to the public. Sometimes we rode bikes to villages to tell people about Falun Dafa. Although the villages might be far away, and we went up several big slopes, I was not tired at all. This was not possible before I became a practitioner, but as a matter of fact, it was not at all strange or uncommon because Dafa is supernatural. Through our collective efforts, many predestined people joined us and stepped onto the path of cultivation.
I will never forget an experience on October 1, 1998, when we were introducing Falun Gong outside a movie theatre. Once the exercise music started, everybody lined up neatly, and when I heard Teacher's voice saying the exercise formulas, I felt an excitement that I had never experienced before. I could not hold back my tears, and in an instant, strong energy passed through my entire body. I shared this with fellow practitioners afterwards; they also did not understand why they were so moved that they wanted to cry. That period of time was so precious. It was the most diligent time in my cultivation.
The evil persecution started on July 20, 1999 and took away the serene and peaceful cultivation environment in China. Dafa practitioners were not frightened by the persecution, and we took it upon ourselves to walk the difficult path of validating Dafa with a transcendent courage.
After July 20, because I was steadfast in practicing Falun Gong, I was persecuted by the police many times. I was illegally detained several times, and I went the wrong way under pressure. However, after experiencing tribulations, I eventually stepped out again to validate the Fa. After the tribulation, I thought about why I did not pass the test at that time. I realized it was because I was not in the Fa. One error in thought is actually able to make all of a practitioner's previous efforts go to waste. This is so dangerous!
For several years now, I have been living a homeless and destitute life in order to avoid being persecuted. The first test I encountered was giving up qing, especially towards my husband and child, who had always been beside me and for whom I worried the most. After July 20, 1999, my daughter's young spirit was covered with a shadow. When I was arrested in 2000 the first time, the school principal and teachers asked her to express her view on Falun Gong, threatening that they would not let her go home. How could an 11-year-old child endure this? She cried, and later my elder sister went to the school to bring her home. Previously, when I left home to avoid persecution, and had to hide from the police, I took my daughter with me wherever I went. She never complained about the hardship. When the school term began, I had to send her home with tears.
Because I left home, my daughter was under great pressure from all sides. She could not concentrate on her studies and her grades fell. I heard it was because she missed me. She always cried, could not eat well and became much thinner. When I got the news that my husband wanted to divorce me, I wept. I continuously told myself that I should not be moved by this. During the past several years, I stumbled many times because of qing. The more I was unable to let go of it, the more the evil used it to interfere with me. If Teacher had not endured for me, I probably could not keep practicing Falun Dafa. I knew that I should truly abandon this attachment and understood that I had to firmly walk the path of cultivation, no matter what hardship I encountered. I told myself that I would let Teacher arrange everything for me.
I calmed down to study the Fa, and wholeheartedly validated the Fa. When I let go of that attachment, my daughter's condition got better. When I saw her again a few years later, she was really strong, she was sensible and had no complaints towards me at all. Because she had correct thoughts towards Dafa, she was unexpectedly accepted by a key high school with high scores. Especially since her marks had not been that good originally, this event touched me profoundly. Previously, when I read stories on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website about the orphans who had lost their parents, I could not understand how those children could endure pain that is difficult even for adults with much stronger willpower, and still be so righteous towards Dafa. It is because of Teacher's great endurance! Teacher is looking after everything.
I have worked with several practitioners at a truth-clarification materials production site. The person whom I've worked with the longest is Xiyuan (alias). She and I have been standing together regardless of the situation. To validate the Fa in the relatively closed environment of the materials production site, it is crucial to have a good outlook, preserve righteous thoughts, have a responsible attitude to the Fa and maintain good cooperation among practitioners. All of these originate from a solid foundation of studying the Fa, and from faith in Teacher and Dafa. In the environment of the materials production site, practitioners not only care for each other, harmonize like a family, but also improve together based on the Fa. If we can't handle things well and cannot be in the Fa, it is easy to fall into everyday people's qing, which affects our Fa-validation work. I always reminded myself not to allow the effects of qing to interfere with the sacred environment of validating the Fa. In fact, when fellow practitioners cooperate well, the Fa-rectification work goes very smoothly and the whole field is full of serenity and peace. Too much qing causes unexpected errors to occur. Every practitioner who works at the materials production site has had a lot of experiences like that.
For several years, I did not experience any astonishing things, but just did what I was capable of doing and what I should do. Remembering when I first learned how to use a computer and when I printed out my first truth-clarification materials, I was so moved that I nearly burst into tears. I felt I was doing the most significant and sacred thing. Because my cultivation state was good, when I sent forth righteous thoughts, I would often feel a strong energy field surrounding me, and clearly felt the righteous thoughts coming from the bottom of my heart. When my compassion emerged, I was moved to tears.
Xiyuan and I studied the Fa, practiced the exercises together, and we also accessed the Internet, downloaded materials, edited, selected truth-clarification materials that suited the local area, and printed them out to help fellow practitioners clarify the truth. I read practitioners' experience sharing articles on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website every day, as if I was wandering about in a pure land that was washing my soul. I benefited so much from these articles, and the articles about traditional culture also rectified my ingrained and warped elements bit by bit - negative elements that I hadn't even realized were there. I held the principle of taking Dafa as the master in everything, and chose materials that would help practitioners to improve in their cultivation and to clarify the truth to people. I was careful not to rely on my own interests or indulge any misunderstandings to read and spread untrue information, which would have caused a negative impact. Because I deeply realized that my responsibility was huge, if I did not handle it well or departed from a proper direction, I might bring great losses to the Fa-rectification in the local area. In addition, I have found that because I maintain righteous thoughts and actions when using the Internet, I hardly get any computer viruses.
We did everything systematically at the materials production site. Because we cooperated well, Xiyuan and I often had the same ideas on Fa-rectification matters. Many times we almost came out with the idea at the same time. We often listened to Dafa music when we were making truth-clarification materials, so the surrounding environment could be purified, as well as our souls. We were truly aware of fellow practitioners' living in hardship, and fully cherished the money they provided for making truth-clarification materials. We tried our best to spend the money correctly and not casually waste even one piece of paper. Because our hearts were on the Fa, when we did make mistakes, Teacher always gave us hints so we could discover it in time and make up for the loss. This truly moved me. Teacher is right beside practitioners all the time, watching our every thought. Because I had strong postnatally acquired notions, I always had obstacles in learning technically-oriented things. Previously, I could only do simple things like accessing the Internet and printing out materials, and nothing more. Actually, this situation is also a manifestation of weak righteous thoughts. Xiyuan's burden was heavier, and besides the responsibility of the local materials production site, she also shouldered the important task of teaching other practitioners computer techniques. I did the best I could to do things, so that she could concentrate on word processing or learning new ways to break through the Internet blockade.
During that time, we experienced many potentially dangerous incidents, but with righteous thoughts and under Teacher's compassionate protection, we negated the danger and the evil's deliberate destruction. Not long after I joined the team at the materials production site, Xiyuan and I each had the same dream one night: we dreamed about a fellow practitioner opening a door with a key, after which, police officers entered our residence. The dream was so vivid, and also, during these several days, the toilet was leaking. We felt that this was not accidental. Besides looking inside to find any loopholes in our "xinxing", we sent forth righteous thoughts to clear away all arrangements of the evil. A few days later, fellow practitioners told us to move quickly, because a "collaborator" had given our address to the police. When we heard this news, both of us were very calm, and felt very sure that we would not have any problems. After we thanked the practitioner, we returned to the residence and continuously sent forth righteous thoughts for the next few days to eliminate the interference. This time, we negated the persecution with righteous thoughts. We remained safe during that period of time, until we cancelled our lease.
Sometimes the evil derived some ruse to frighten us. Once, after we had just moved into a new residence, somebody madly pounded on the door continuously for several days, telling us to open the door. The attachment to fear arose. Later, we faced it with righteous thoughts, and that person never came back. Another time, while reading in the room, we suddenly heard a few men talking in the kitchen. At first I thought I was mistaken, but when I looked in the kitchen, I was startled to truly see men in my kitchen. I asked why they had come in without telling me, and found out that they were in there because the neighbor downstairs needed to do some maintenance, and the workers needed to come into my kitchen. Thinking that nobody was home, the neighbor let the workers jump in through the balcony window. It was a false alarm. During that time, we often read on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website about all sorts of abnormal things happening before other materials production sites were destroyed. Therefore, we were very sensitive about these things. If we analyzed it with ordinary thinking, we might have been led to believe that since somebody had already come in, then it wasn't safe to stay in that place any more. But the evil's ruse did not confuse us, and with faith in Teacher, we operated safely there for a year. Moreover, we won the trust of the landlord.
With the destruction of other materials production sites, my fear also manifested. I was obviously lacking sufficient righteous thoughts when facing evil interference. We knew that if we could not deal with it righteously, it would affect our Fa-rectification work. It was during the SARS epidemic, when we heard that the police were checking leased properties for the first time. I was quite nervous, and did not know what to do. Completely due to human notions, I packed up everything, stopped making truth-clarification materials, and just waited for the police to come and inspect. I was afraid because the police made it public that they wanted to check all homes one by one and they said that they had to see the tenants; if nobody was home, they would get the landlord to open the door. As a matter of fact, all these scenarios came true, entirely because of my fears. It happened a few times in succession. Because we were not righteous, we adopted human means of avoiding trouble and delayed many Fa-rectification projects.
Afterwards, we calmed down to think about it. What the evil fears the most is our truth clarification; aren't we falling into their trap by doing nothing? What are we afraid of, since we have Teacher protecting us? However, I was still fearful and did not act according to the Fa. My faith in Teacher was not enough at that time. After I realized this, I got rid of many fears. During the process, we intensified our Fa study and our sending forth righteous thoughts, and memorized Teacher's articles, "Position," "The Disciples' Magnificence," and other articles written by Teacher. The more we read, the more steady we became. Once we recited many times Teacher's words, "Under any difficult circumstance, everyone, remain calm in your hearts. Just by staying unaffected, you will be able to handle all situations." ("Lecture on the Fa at the U.S. Midwest Conference," draft translation) While we were reading this sentence, our fear suddenly disappeared, and immediately we decided to go back to doing the things that a Dafa practitioner should do and no longer avoid doing things out of fear. Later, when I heard of news of interference from the evil, my first thought was to deal with it with righteous thoughts. In this way, we got rid of our fears while we eliminated, one after another, various interference caused by the evil.
When Teacher's article, "In Fa-Rectification Your Thoughts Have to be Righteous, Not Human" was published, the local police officers were interfering with Dafa practitioners using such means as inspecting residences. Although my heart was relatively stable, I still had fears now and again. I repeatedly recited Teacher's article. When I read,
"What could human beings possibly do to gods? If there were no outside factors, would humans dare to do anything to gods? How human society unfolds is nothing but the outcome of high-level beings controlling things,"
I understood that this persecution was not a persecution of humans against humans. Fear does not come from one's true self, but it is the effect of a factor in another dimension. After I understood this principle, I felt the substance that made me fearful disappear.
Postnatal notions have been a big obstacle in my cultivation. They manifest as worrying too much when doing things. For example, when I leased the place for the materials production site, I was thinking of just naturally following Teacher's arrangement. However, I unconsciously behaved with the thinking and notions formed over a long time, to set criteria for what kind of environment and place would suit us. As a result, most times, things did not smoothly and we lost much precious time. Finally, when I was exhausted with searching for a place, I remembered to follow Teacher's arrangement and to allow nature to take its course. However, the place that we ended up having no trouble renting was actually the one that we did not take a fancy to, but it was arranged for us by Teacher. We can only see the superficial, while Teacher is able to see the essence. During the process of looking for a residence, we also found many attachments that we were not aware of, and let go of the attachments to self, constantly eliminating our postnatal notions. As a result, we had a deeper understanding of what Teacher said in Lunyu:
" 'The Buddha Fa' is most profound; among all the theories in the world, it is the most intricate and extraordinary science. In order to explore this domain, humankind must fundamentally change its conventional thinking. Otherwise, the truth of the universe will forever remain a mystery to humankind, and everyday people will forever crawl within the boundary delimited by their own ignorance."
Before I practiced Falun Gong, I was a petty person with strong selfishness; this selfishness also displays itself everywhere in my cultivation. But due to the obstacle of postnatal notions, I actually was not aware that this was an attachment, and for a long time, failed to improve my xinxing.
One experience deeply impressed me. When a certain materials production site was destroyed, we did not know the whereabouts of the fellow practitioners who ran it. Xiyuan said to me, "If they come to us, can we let them stay here temporarily." I did not agree, saying that the field surrounding them was not good. Later, I heard that those two practitioners fell into evil hands. This incident moved me a lot, and it also exposed my selfishness in a big way. I felt so ashamed. Teacher told us to become selfless enlightened beings who consider others first, but what I thought about was myself when fellow practitioners were in danger. How far away was I from the characteristic of the universe, from "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance." How can I meet the requirement of the new cosmos if I do not abandon selfishness? I felt ashamed to carry the title of Dafa disciple. On my cultivation path, in order to help me get rid of this attachment, Teacher always uses other practitioners' sincerity, selflessness and tolerance to help me find my lost true nature. After this incident, I became determined to get rid of my selfishness, and to learn to consider others in cultivation.
Teacher told us in Zhuan Falun: "... the entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments." Besides attachments to fear and selfishness, I also have many deeply-rooted attachments that had formed before I became a practitioner, such as the attachment of self-contempt, the attachment to myself, and jealousy. All of these must be abandoned in my cultivation. I recall a while ago, due to my ignorance in cultivation, I did not look inwards when faced with certain ordeals. In addition, I have walked a relatively smooth path for the past several years, and I unconsciously had the attachment of validating myself (actually, everything is done by Teacher). I became complacent with myself and enlarged all my attachments, and I moved further and further away from "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance." Without Teacher's compassionate hints and fellow practitioners' sincere help, the consequences would have been inconceivable. After going through tribulations, I have given up many human notions. I now feel so relaxed, and meanwhile, I also have a deeper understanding of the seriousness of Fa-rectification cultivation. I rejoice at the awakening of my true self; I also cherish all the more the opportunity to cultivate in the Fa-rectification period that was initiated by Teacher.
Because I have not done well, and because my ability to express myself is not that good, when I first began to write my experience sharing, I could not finish it and put it aside. After I read other practitioners' experience sharing articles, I became quite encouraged. The Fa conference is the cultivation format Teacher left for us, so how could I give up this opportunity to validate the Fa, just because I encounter difficulty? Listening to Dafa music, I calmed down to write this experience sharing, and during the process of writing it, I felt all my bad thoughts disappear into thin air. At the moment that I let go of my attachments, every thought of mine contained the sacredness of Dafa, and my heart was broadened. I am so far away from the requirements of Teacher, but I am confident in my resolve to do the three things well in the final period of Fa-rectification cultivation. I will strive to be more diligent, get rid of all my postnatal notions, and at the same time, save sentient beings, cultivate myself well, and assimilate to "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance." I will complete my historical mission and will strive to be worthy of Teacher's compassionate salvation.
