(Clearwisdom.net) Since I obtained the Fa, I had not seriously considered my fundamental attachments nor had I been able to recognize them. So I had not walked well my path of Fa validation. I was enlightened deeply after reading this fellow practitioner's article "A Discussion of Fundamental Attachments." (http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2005/11/13/66815.html)
Before I started to learn Dafa, I was influenced by various external and internal factors and had developed a bad habit of indulging in my fantasies, which were all about fame, money and lust. I had also developed other bad behaviors. At that time, I was under tremendous mental pressure and tried to avoid seeing others.
These were the circumstances under which I obtained the Fa. But before long, the evil party started the all-out campaign of persecuting Falun Dafa. I immediately stepped forward to validate Dafa. However, I still carried my fundamental attachment, which was that I thought I would be able to get rid of my bad habits through learning Dafa. As a result, I could not recognize the root cause of the various attachments I had.
Even when I shared my understandings with other practitioners while I was detained in the labor camp, I still boasted that I had not had any "intentions" when I initially came across Dafa, thus showing off that I had given up ordinary people's fame and money just for Dafa.
Shortly after that, I ran into problems just like the fellow practitioner said in his article: "When encountering issues of grave importance, these practitioners often stumble because of their fundamental attachments and some have met all kinds of interference and even enlightened along an evil path." Amidst the persecution and because I failed to recognize my own fundamental attachments, I could not give up ordinary people's interests and in the end, I acted as Master stated in "A Suggestion" from Essentials for Further Advancement II:
"they have, in the interest of their attachments and to justify their behavior, gone along with the lies and willingly accepted evil "enlightenment," while pretending they didn't want to."
On my path of validating Dafa, I regret tremendously having these attachments. Master said in "Toward Consummation" from Essentials for Further Advancement II:
"After cultivating for a period of time, are your thoughts still the same? Are you continuing on the path because of those human attachments? If so, you cannot be counted as my disciple. It means that you haven't gotten rid of your fundamental attachments and that you are unable to understand the Fa from the Fa."
I felt that these words from Master were directed at me, but still I failed to promptly to examine this attachment of mine. As a result, every step I took was full of difficulties, and I was not able to take the initiative to validate the Fa. I was even unwilling to listen to Master's hint. That same day, I had a dream during which I saw myself sitting inside a train that was rapidly going forward, but it suddenly started to go backward until it ran out of rail and stopped on a thin layer of ice. I then knew that I was wrong and not in the Fa or in the Tao anymore.
After Master published his article "A Suggestion," I felt again very dispirited and fell into a state of self-reprimand and regret. This in fact was a reflection of my inability to recognize what was crucial and thus be able to get rid of my fundamental attachments, as well as my human mentalities resulting in failing to fulfill my pursuits for fame and money. Although I continued doing Fa validation work, I always felt that there was a separation that isolated me from the Fa. I was not able to break through it even after I was released from the labor camp the second time. I could not study the Fa diligently, not to mention taking the initiative to validate the Fa. I did realize that something was wrong with my cultivation, but I had not even tried to find out what was hidden behind my complex mental state. I could feel that I was drifting further and further away from the Fa. As a result, I became even more dispirited. I could clearly feel that something was enveloping me.
After the publication of "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be," one of Master's more recent articles, my heart was full of pain. This was just my cultivation status at that time, but I could not recognize what prevented me from cultivating diligently.
When I read "A Discussion of Fundamental Attachments," I felt that it was well written and helpful for my own situation, but I still could not find my own fundamental attachments. During my Fa study the next day, I suddenly realized that behind all these problems was my fundamental attachment, which had not yet been eliminated. This attachment had obstructed my cultivation, prevented me from cultivating diligently, and hindered me from validating the Fa. It was also the excuse that the old forces had used to aggravate my tribulations. Wasn't it the case, when I initially ran into Dafa, that my first thought was that, through learning Dafa, I could evade the pressures of living in ordinary society or at least have psychological sustenance? This thought, in itself, was very dirty, as I wanted to use Dafa to prevent others from reprimanding me. Those old cosmic forces were just using this excuse to separate me from Dafa.
I had finally found, in an unequivocal way, my fundamental attachment! Even moments before I found it, the bad thoughts were still coming into my mind, a phenomenon that had always bothered me ever since I started my cultivation. During my past cultivation, although I could feel that my thought karma was diminishing, it was still very strong. Especially during the previous few months, it became even stronger. I could feel that some malicious factors were trying to ruin me through my attachment to lust. They had been trying to create an environment and conditions for me to drop down, and one time, I almost failed to control myself.
At the very moment when I found my fundamental attachment during Fa study, I could feel inner peace and Master's tremendous benevolence. Master has not given up even on one Dafa disciple, not even a sluggish practitioner like me. Master still pointed out to me what my fundamental attachment was.
After recognizing my fundamental attachment, I realized that it had manifested itself during the entire course of my cultivation. Amidst tribulations or during conflicts, I had failed to look within and instead taken the approach of dodging the problem. As a result, I missed opportunities, one after another. When recognizing the problems that Master pointed out in his article, I did not know how to measure myself accordingly. I still chose to avoid the problem as I had always felt that these problems did not apply to my cultivation. At the same time, the different kinds of my existing attachments manifested themselves just as the practitioner said in his article: "It had tied together the various kinds of my attachments, and they strengthened and enlarged each other." Almost at the same time, when I clearly recognized my fundamental attachment, the substance that had enclosed me disappeared instantly.
After reading the practitioner's sharing, I clearly saw my fundamental attachments from the perspective of the Fa. I thank the fellow practitioner for his compassion and help. I wrote my understanding in order to help those practitioners who have not yet recognized their fundamental attachments to squarely face them in order to find and eliminate them and walk well their paths of cultivation during the Fa-rectification period.
October 21, 2005
