(Clearwisdom.net)
1. Fortunate to Learn Falun Dafa
I'm 35 years old. Ever since I was a kid, I have been frail and suffered many diseases. My mother died when I was 14. My father dislikes me very much, probably because I am the fifth girl in the family. Later, my romantic life was fraught with frustration. As a result, I was in tatters physically and mentally, and I was in great pain and despair.
When I was in elementary school, a teacher complemented me for being different from most students. Consequently, my classmates were jealous of me. I often thought that I ought to live a noble life. I asked the heavens, "Who can give me guidance?" One day I read in the newspaper about a temple with Buddhist nuns and I started thinking about leaving the secular life. I prepared a sufficient amount of money to travel. I wanted to go, but I hesitated. Although the world was filled with suffering, I still had my sister who loved me so dearly. Tears quietly flowed down my face.
In the winter of 1998, my sister and I obtained eight books written by Teacher. I spent three days reading through all the books. At that time Teacher cleansed my body. When I walked I felt light. I went to my sister and sighed, "I finally understand why people suffer hardship and tribulation." After studying the Fa, I experienced a dramatic change in my mind and body, and I deeply realized Teacher's compassion and Falun Dafa's miraculous power. In order to help more people learn and benefit from Falun Dafa, I set up a practice site at my home. One after another, many people with predestined relationships in my village came to learn Falun Dafa.
2. Determined to Cultivate When Faced With Tribulation
In 1999, the persecution against Falun Dafa started. Many practitioners gave up cultivation under such huge pressure. My mind felt heavy. I quietly told Teacher, "Your disciple will steadfastly cultivate in Falun Dafa to the very end." At the time, I only knew that Dafa had been attacked and Teacher had been slandered, and that I should firmly safeguard the Fa. On June 9, 1999, fellow practitioners and I went to Beijing to appeal. On July 20, we again went to the city government to appeal.
The second time we went to Beijing to appeal, we were arrested on our way there. We were detained in the County Office. Many practitioners were beaten. I did not have a good understanding about what to do, and I thought it was good enough as long as my mind remained unaffected.
After returning home, I was tormented by what happened, feeling that my verbally making a stance against my will meant that I had deviated from Falun Dafa and that Teacher probably would no longer want me. During that period of time I constantly cried and felt ashamed to live any longer. After being like that for more than a month, I confided in a veteran practitioner. The practitioner said, "One day if there was only one person left to cultivate in the world, that person would be me." I felt that I had not studied the Fa well enough. I readjusted my mentality. I quietly studied the Fa alone at home and totally melted in the Fa at that time. I had a deeper understanding of the Fa. One time, I felt that I was the only person in the world, and I felt peaceful, quiet and free. I had a dream in which many practitioners had already turned in their exam papers, yet I put my exam paper in my bag and bent over on the desk in shame. At that moment, Teacher looked at me with a smile and gently patted me on the back. Our compassionate Teacher did not abandon me.
In October 1999, because I refused to sign my name against Falun Gong, I was arrested and taken to a police station. I was then beaten and hung up by the handcuffs, with only my toes touching the ground. I recited Hong Yin over and over. I painstakingly endured for seven to eight hours. My hands were so numb that they could no longer feel anything. I looked at the sky and quietly told Teacher, "Teacher, your disciple is willing to safeguard the Fa with her life." Tears streamed down my face. What Teacher had endured for me was more than all of this. After a while, raindrops started falling from the sky. My tears were mixed with raindrops.
The persecution made me scared during that period of time. One day a fellow practitioner delivered a Clearwisdom article to me. A practitioner saw in his dream that many infants had fallen down and practitioners were trying their best to rescue them. My face was filled with tears and I felt so ashamed of myself. The next day, two practitioners and I boarded a train to Beijing. Although, my mentality of fear kept surfacing, my determination to validate Falun Dafa remained as solid as diamond. The police whipped me on the face and legs with steel rods and leather belts, and used electric batons to shock my head.
Thus, having been treated as an important target, I was constantly harassed and arrested. During that time, I was very confused. Why did I have so many tribulations? Although I had painstakingly passed each tribulation, I was exhausted mentally and physically. Step after step, I was trapped in the old forces' arrangements. In September 2000, I was sentenced to a three-year forced labor term.
I felt enormous pressure. It was even more evil in the forced labor camp. Seeing a practitioner's painful expressions while being force-fed, my mind trembled. During that period, everyday I was beaten and penalized for practicing the exercises and studying the Fa, but I did not feel I was suffering. The worst suffering was not being able to read Teacher's lectures. One day, I had a thought in my mind, "I can no longer stay here. Beings outside the labor camp need me to save them." I started to hold a hunger strike. The supervisor of the labor camp's Procuratorate summoned me for a talk and asked me to eat. I told him, "Jiang Zemin concocted lies by turning around good and bad, and acted against the Constitution. It is against the law to detain, hit and penalize Falun Gong practitioners. I'm not supposed to be detained here. Do you think it is in line with legal procedures by sending people directly from home to a forced labor camp? Therefore, I am requesting to be released unconditionally." He said, "But your going to Beijing to appeal and practicing the exercises in the park is forbidden by the country. Even though you did not break the law, you committed a crime." I said, "You can go find a copy of Zhuan Falun and read it. We follow the standard of 'Truth, Compassion and Forbearance' and are good people. What crime have we committed? The Constitution specifically states that citizens have the freedom of belief and speech." He said, "You did not cultivate well. I have come in contact with many Falun Gong practitioners. They all abandoned their families. And you are requesting to be released?" I said, "You arrested us and locked us up here, and you are saying that we abandon our families. Just who is the one that has committed a crime?"
I talked to the supervisor for more than an hour about everything from the huge changes I experienced after I learned Falun Dafa to being arrested and beaten for no reason. In the end, he said, "Police in your area indeed have broken the law. You can write an appeal letter and I'll pass it on to those higher-ups."
Ten practitioners in my cell held a hunger strike at the same time, but for different reasons. Because I refused to cooperate with any request by the guards, a practitioner said that I was not compassionate. I discussed Fa-principles with her, but she ignored me. I rejected the roll call, forced-feeding and a physical exam. The section chief, unit chief and disciplinary guard rushed into the cell and scolded me, "You don't have even a little courtesy." I calmly said, "So my accepting being persecuted by you is being courteous?" There was nothing they could do about me, so they stayed outside the door and walked back and forth to keep an eye on me. Yet, I kept reciting the Fa. I had a dream that many practitioners were handcuffed in a big courtyard. I opened the handcuffs and walked out of the courtyard. I went home along a big, wide road.
On the 8th day of my hunger strike without food and water, I was short of breath and had bleeding bowels. The forced labor camp held a temporary emergency meeting and informed my family members to pick me up. The day I went home a guard said emotionally, "It is indeed not easy for you!" At the time I tried to hold back my tears. I thought about fellow practitioners that are still suffering tribulations. Thus, after four months, I walked out of this evil den.
3. Taking the Fa as the Teacher and Breaking Through the Old Forces' Arrangements With Righteous Thoughts
I constantly took my son (who is also a practitioner) with me to distribute truth-clarification materials. Once, a fellow practitioner had just delivered to me two bags of materials when two policemen rushed into my home. I thought, "How many beings will the two bags of materials save! I cannot let them take these away." The police looked at the materials on the bed, then turned and walked out. They said, "You be careful when you distribute flyers in the future. Don't cause trouble for us. We'll just keep one eye open and another closed." I said, "I'll be the same whether you open or close your eyes."
Slowly, with fellow practitioners praising me, my mentality of showing-off kept inflating, and it was as if I could no longer control myself. Once, several minutes before leaving for a Fa-conference, the police arrested me. I felt that was because of problems with my xinxing, and I had almost brought losses to the whole body. I took the opportunity to clarify the truth to them and send righteous thoughts. I told the old forces, "I am not afraid of being detained or beaten, but I will not let you persecute me unreasonably." Meanwhile, I asked for Teacher's blessing. After taking me to a detention center, they sent me home. Teacher again cleared this tribulation for me.
4. Remembering the Responsibility I Shoulder; Looking Inward When Encountering Something
A. Looking Inward When Faced With Fellow Practitioners' Suspicion
One day, a practitioner told me, "Someone suspects that you are a spy." At the time I was so sad that I cried. I did not want to defend myself, but my mind was in great pain. During that period of time, I was deeply distraught. I was afraid to see fellow practitioners looking at me with suspicion. The old forces saw the attachments that I had not cultivated away and kept enforcing these elements and creating conflicts. I kept hearing practitioners' and everyday people's unfounded rumors about me. I felt an invisible, huge pressure. In my mind I complained to Teacher. I told the dark minions when I sent righteous thoughts, "Your creating troubles for me is in fact destroying yourself. I definitely do not acknowledge everything you have imposed on me." After the incident was over, I realized that it was not the practitioners' fault at all. It was because there were still warped substances in my dimensional field and it was because my mind had not reached an even purer and more righteous state.
B. Breaking the Obstacle of Human Attachments; Creating a Truth-Clarification Material Site
After the truth-clarification material site in our area was damaged, two practitioners were sent to forced labor and the material site suffered great losses. Afterward, practitioner A and I found practitioner B and asked him to print some truth-clarification materials for us. Surprisingly, practitioner B refused our request and wanted us to build our own truth-clarification material site. I had tears on my face when I left his home. I blamed the practitioner for not being compassionate. I did not have the technical skills, nor did I have the money. After returning home, I calmed my mind to look inside myself, and realized that something was wrong with my xinxing. I thought to myself that I should break the obstacle of human attachments. This way, with the help of practitioner B and C, practitioner A and I set up a small truth-clarification material site.
C. Clarifying the Truth to Save Beings
Practitioner A and I constantly clarified the truth. Through our effort, the environment in our families and around us became better. When we had time, we went to remote areas to distribute flyers.
Once practitioner A and I each took with us a big bag of truth-clarification materials for distribution. At the time, people in the rural areas were harvesting their autumn crops. We clarified the truth along the way. When we were at the front door of a school, an old man walked toward us. Practitioner A gave him a small booklet and said, "Please take this home with you and read it carefully. Understanding the truth will bring you blessings." We then went to a small shop to repair our bikes. After a while, the old man also came over to the shop next to us. He told those folks who were chatting, "Look! They gave me this in broad daylight." Taking the small booklet, one man read it and said, "This is indeed a bombshell." Several people beside him also expressed their views. I walked toward them and sent righteous thoughts in my mind at the same time. "Do you know that the self-immolation in Tiananmen Square was staged?" I started to clarify the truth to them. After listening to what I said, the old man said angrily, "That's too unreasonable: beating people to death is considered suicide. Falun Gong tells the truth." Another man beside him said, "You are not afraid of being caught by the police?" The old man lifted the booklet and said excitedly, "I'm not afraid. I simply insist on the truth."
After we got our bikes repaired, we prepared to hit the road. Yet, as soon as we set off, one of the tires went flat. I thought about not having clarified the truth to the mechanic at the repair shop. However, the man simply would not believe me no matter what I said. He told me, "I only know about making money and putting food on the table." I thought to myself, "Forget about it. He is probably un-savable." I took my bike and walked not too far before the tire was again out of air. I found another repair shop, but no one was in the shop. So I had no choice but to turn back. To my surprise, the mechanic said, "We have a predestined relationship." Our compassionate Teacher does not let go of any savable being. I said, "Yes. You do not understand the truth, so I was not able to leave." I talked to him some more, and he happily accepted it and said, "Where do you live? In the future, when I want to practice the exercises, I'll go looking for you."
In "Let Go of Human Attachments and Save the World's People," Teacher says:
"Dafa disciples, don't forsake the magnificent responsibility that has been bestowed upon you in Fa-rectification, and even less should you disappoint those beings, as you are now their only hope for entering the future. For this reason, all Dafa disciples, students both new and veteran, should get to work and begin comprehensively clarifying the truth. This is especially so for the Dafa disciples in Mainland China: each must come out and clarify the truth, bringing it to every field and valley, mountain and hill, not omitting a single area where there are people."
