(Clearwisdom.net) At the end of 2000, the authorities in Jilin Province again set up a brainwashing class and forced those Falun Gong practitioners who hadn't signed statements promising not to practice to attend the class. I had to leave home on December 24, 2000, in order to avoid being arrested and brainwashed. While out of town, I worked in a restaurant to earn my basic living, and sometimes I had to work 16 hours a day. I could not manage to set aside the time to study the Fa [Law and principles; the teachings of Falun Dafa] and practice the exercises every day, and I often felt very lonely, bitter, and bored. With all sorts of attachments arising, I quit practicing Falun Dafa for a period of time.
After the Chinese New Year in 2001, the boss from my former company (from which I was fired for my practice of Falun Gong) sent someone to see me. He said that as long as I wrote a repentance statement, I could go back to work and could also go home and be reunited with my husband and child. I knew in my heart that I could not write a repentance statement, no matter what happened to me. Yet I still had lots of attachments to my work and my family. So I played with words and wrote a statement called "My Thoughts on the Tiananmen Square Self-Immolation Incident." The boss said it was not sincere enough and demanded that I write a statement promising not to practice. Then I realized that I was being deceived. I regretted very much this "black spot" on my path of cultivation, my writing "My Thoughts on the Tiananmen Square Self-Immolation Incident." Afterwards I went into a very bad state in cultivation. I couldn't concentrate whenever I studied the Fa, my attachments came up all the time, and I felt hopeless.
I often called to Master in my heart, wishing that Master would not let go of me even though I was hopeless. Master's articles would appear in my head again and again, and each time I felt a warm current going through my body. I knew Master had not given up on me, so I made up my mind to improve my mindset. I started to study the Fa and developed a firm belief that Dafa [great Law] can rectify everything. With my firm belief in Dafa, I was once again able to see the profound meaning of the Fa, which further strengthened my determination in cultivating.
I began to clarify the truth to my boss at the restaurant and to the other waitresses. I told them how wonderful Falun Dafa is and told them my experience of the persecution. After understanding the truth, my boss arranged a good environment for me to study the Fa and practice the exercises. I behaved according to "Truthfulness-Benevolence-Forbearance" while I worked for the restaurant. I often helped others on top of my normal duties. My boss saw this and gave me a wage increase and told me that he too would study Falun Gong in the future.
I once saw a Dafa truth-clarifying poster on the street, and it had the Fa-rectification verses printed on it. I memorized them and often recited them to myself. One day a thought suddenly came to me: other practitioners are risking their lives when they post truth clarifying posters on the street, yet I am hiding here, afraid of being persecuted. So I decided to go back home to join fellow practitioners whom I had not seen for over seven months. I wanted to have access to Master's new articles and to catch up with the process of Fa-rectification.
After I returned home, I realized that the words I had memorized and recited every day were the Fa-rectification verses that Master taught to us to eliminate the evil. I know deep in my heart that all this was arranged by Master in order to save me, to point me in the right direction, and to firmly support me while I walk on the path to validate the Fa and save sentient beings.
Category: Improving Oneself
