Standing on My Own two Feet

This report is my recollection of what has changed in my life during the past six months of practicing Falun Dafa. I will begin with an overview of my personal history and what I was like just prior to the introduction of Falun Dafa.

Having been born into a world of poverty with a predisposition for illness, I believed this was my lot in life. When I was ten years old I was said to have petit-mal epilepsy and that this was the cause of my fainting spells and migraines. The treatment of Valium (a sedative drug) was the beginning of a long period of my being under the influence of one substance or another. My learning disabilities, autistic tendency and early onset major depression all went un-addressed. An inability to properly chew food went undiagnosed into my thirties. It was then the pain in my jaw became so severe that I finally was forced to a treatment that required two reconstructive surgeries.

Then recently I began to scrutinize another long lasting condition since my childhood. I had not been able to breathe well while sleeping or through my nose during the day. This was later diagnosed as moderate to severe sleep Apnea and a deviated septum. Surgery corrected the deviation and I was given a machine to assist my breathing at night. On top of all these and other things I was daily challenged with a foot injury that severely limited my range of movement.

Being dependent on my medical support system, supplements and medicines was my way of life. I had worn out many of my social contacts and had not worked a full-time job in over eight years. Feeling isolated and vulnerable, I found myself living in a situation that was very unhealthy. I gave myself an opportunity to look back at the medical establishment and its support system which now appeared to be both helping and hindering me. I was tired of having so many unanswered issues in my life. To stand on my own two feet without pain seemed to be so far away.

Another example of my situation at this time was that my apartment was even sicker than I was. Having been flooded three times last year and a number of times in the previous four years had pushed me to consider giving up the low cost space for something better. Finally after doctors and friends?continued support I decided to take the first step to find a new apartment and the change I was looking for.

While looking for a new place in a weekly flyer, I saw an advertisement for free QiGong lessons. This led me to contact a Falun Dafa practitioner. Over the next two days I went to a practice site in the morning to learn the five exercises. And on the third day I had the opportunity to attend a nine-day Falun Dafa seminar. That change I was looking for had come, and in a big way.

While working through those first days of contact with the Dafa, I came to the belief that I had a predestined relationship with Falun Dafa. As Master Li says in Zhuan Falun (Page 2) "Of course we believe in predestined relationship". I've always wanted to find a way back home to the Cosmos since I can remember. The feeling that I was in this world, but not really belonging here has shaped my life. When I read on page five of Zhuan Falun "One should return to his original true self, and that is the genuine purpose of being a person" I knew I was into something new and great.

Still plagued with poor health and depression I pushed on through those early weeks of practice. Even though I could not walk very well, I knew I was on my way to being a cultivator. Then I read on page 146 of Zhuan Falun "Whether you can practice cultivation all depends upon whether you can endure, sacrifice and suffer." I understood now that I was paying off my karma. The practice of Falun Dafa have changed my outlook and led to growing good health in my body, mind and spirit.

Having decided that I was not disabled and that I merely faced my karma in the form of tribulations, I rose every morning without an alarm at 4:30 am and seemed to flow in one movement to the practice site over 10 miles away for the next 3 months. Having the opportunity to share with other practitioners helped my practice. I found that I was more likely to make it through all five exercises when I was with them and being outside at the practice site. I was no longer looking for anyone to heal me. The shifts and adjustments to make my cultivation successful had already started. I saw that it was up to me to raise myself through understanding the FA (Buddha Law) and raising my XinXing (mind-nature; moral quality).

Having embarked on this new path I am discovering more each day the importance of understanding the FA. I was reminded of the chapter "Your mind must be right" in Zhuan Falun (page 246) where it says "Everything will be cleaned up for you in other dimensions. Your home environment will also be cleaned up. How can you practice cultivation if your environment is not cleaned up with all sorts of things interfering with you?" I knew this applied to me, as well as the following quote from Zhuan Falun "Historically cultivation practice requires one not to engage in two cultivation ways."

While giving these concepts some time to take hold in my consciousness, I began to clean my apartment and cut free from my previous spiritual path of nine years. After three months of daily practice and reading the Dafa books, I walked into my freshly painted and carpeted old apartment and all I could see was the Dafa posters radiating the emblem of Falun Dafa. The remnants of my past life before I attained Dafa were mostly gone. The clutter of my multi-spiritual pursuits no longer clogged the channels of my life. The flood of change had washed away my old teachers and self-help gurus. Their books and artifacts were nowhere in sight. I have literally burnt my bridges behind me.

Soon after this time, I began to notice more people looking at me and trying to make contact. And exciting things started to happen. Three months ago, I found a short-term care-taking job at a 1720's estate. I also had an opportunity to go to a 5-day Falun Dafa group-study session in Toronto in October 1998. While in Toronto, I was fortunate to spend many hours with fellow practitioners and hear their experiences. Seeing them try to understand more of the FA just like myself, I was moved and decided to spend more time in studying the FA with fellow practitioners upon returning to Boston. No sooner getting home I was off again to New York City to attend a group practice in Central Park and in front of United Nations. It was there that I met Master Li at an impromptu event.

My medical support people have all been surprised but very positive of the new changes in me. One doctor who had been following my progress for some time now concludes that Falun Dafa has contributed to putting me back on my feet. When I went in for a physical at that time, one of the doctor's staff and I were both moved to tears over my progress.

In the past couple of months, I've reflected on what good fortune I have had. It has been six months since I started practicing Falun Dafa, my ability to stand and support myself has improved significantly, and I am no longer taking any medication. I trust that through the growing understanding of the FA, my journey on the path of true cultivation has begun. I remind myself as I continue my practice: it's all uphill from here.