(Clearwisdom.net) I have always thought that it is my sacred duty to handle my responsibilities seriously and complete my work on time.
Since July 20th 1999, I had done my best to crack down on Falun Gong. I was persecuting Falun Gong in accordance with orders from the Chinese government and I continuously received "rewards" from higher authorities.
The most difficult thing for me was that my mom and my sister-in-law both are Falun Gong practitioners and the authority I worked for also asked us to work on our families first. So I often came home to talk to them and tried to force them to write a commitment letter to give up practicing Falun Gong, but every time I heard the same answer, "Learning Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance and being a good person isn't wrong. Why shouldn't we practice Falun Gong? The practitioner's morality are all noble." I always became angry and said, "What do you know? You have to pay the price if you are honest in this society. The children can't go to school and the adults can't have jobs. The practitioners' houses are searched and ransacked. How can you bear it?" After I said that, I took all of their Falun Gong books and their teacher's photos. My sister-in-law chased behind me and cried loudly as soon as she saw it. My heart became soft and I thought, "What is it about Falun Gong that makes her so determined to practice it?"
After my mom's birthday dinner, I asked my mom to give up practicing Falun Gong again. My mom sadly said, "I am still alive today because of Falun Gong. If you don't allow me to practice Falun Gong that means you don't allow me to continue living. Before practicing Falun Gong, I was very sick. Not only did I have diabetes, but I also had high blood pressure. My health was so poor, yet it didn't matter how many pills I took everyday, as my health still couldn't improve. Since I started practicing Falun Gong, I haven't taken any pills, and have become much healthier. This has saved you a great deal of trouble and expense over the years, not having to spend time helping me with my poor physical condition!"
I knew my mother's health was very good after she started practicing Falun Gong, but I didn't believe how effective Falun Gong was. I picked up the book Zhuan Falun easily from where my mother had placed the book and stubbed my cigarette butt out a few times on the teacher's picture. When my sister-in-law saw me doing this, she said loudly, "Do you know how much karma you have accumulated? It is the master who saves people! Slandering the teacher and persecuting Dafa are very serious crimes. You will receive retribution." My father who rarely talked also grew angry and yelled at me, "From now on you aren't allowed to talk about Falun Gong. What is wrong with people practicing Falun Gong and having their hearts becoming more compassionate? It doesn't interfere with the country, society or the family. They all obtain many benefits from Falun Gong without any harm. If everyone practices cultivation in Falun Gong, the whole nation will become very good and we would not have to worry about corruption. Now policemen just like you have done lots of bad things and regard good people as bad people. After persecuting people to death with many cruel methods, they rumored that a person became a mental patient and killed himself by jumping off a high building. Regarding the Tiananmen "self-immolation" incident, how many people have been fooled and poisoned by the play that the government self-directed and self-acted? This is very bad and the government should not do it."
After hearing that from my father, I thought about it carefully and I began to ask myself, "I arrest Falun Gong practitioners while at work and try to brainwash my family after coming home. Everyday I am so busy with Falun Gong, and for what? What do they do wrong?"
The following thing happened that confused me even more. One night while riding a motorcycle I hit another person riding a bicycle. The bicycle and the motorcycle were ruined. The person riding the bicycle was fine, but I was in a coma and taken to the hospital. I was diagnosed with not only a fractured skull but they also found a blood clot in my brain. After being unconscious for nine days, I awoke with memory loss. I was often confused and talked nonsense. I stayed in the hospital for three months, yet my physical condition still didn't improve. Two years after the accident, my brain reaction is still clumsy and the right side of my head has lost feeling. I told my mom I would be fine after the summer when she saw me in the hospital. Now two summers have passed. Why is my physical condition still as same as before?
In my spare time I also thought about the Falun Gong saying, "It is the course of nature that good will be rewarded with good, and evil with evil." "Participating in the persecution is a criminal act." Was the motorcycle accident my karmic retribution? I had been safely riding motorcycles for many years. Why had I been injured so badly? I only hit a bicycle.
As time went on, I didn't pay much attention to these thoughts, although they sometimes came to my mind. Yet, one night, I heard a voice in my dream that said, "Would your face feel good if it was burning?" I woke up suddenly and sat up straight. I associated this with what I had done and knew deeply in my heart that this was retribution.
My reader friends, nothing can compare with the deep regret and remorse I feel now. Therefore I must tell you what I've done and warn those who are like me to wake up and to stop persecuting Falun Gong! I also appeal loudly to our government to stop persecuting those kind practitioners. Don't receive retribution like me!
