Shared at the 2003 Ireland Falun Dafa Conference
(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Dafa in 2000. Now I'll talk about some of my experiences and lessons in cultivation and practice.
After the excitement and happiness of first getting to know the Fa, I made rapid progress in cultivation and practice, dissolving into the Fa, measuring everything according to the Fa, upgrading myself by maintaining my xinxing [mind-heart nature, moral character]. I really felt every day was a new day, making rapid strides.
I don't know from which day exactly, but at some point, I felt that my motivation for being diligent had become less sharp when I was studying the Fa. There was less of a feeling of seeing different layers of principles of the Fa. I tried to find out the cause of this, but attributed it to the interference of the old forces and demons. However, sending forth righteous thought could not change the situation. I felt I was in a state of making very slow progress or that I was even at a standstill.
This state of slowed progress or standstill is not like that of huge tribulations on the surface. Instead, by constantly doing Dafa work, through constant successes and achievements, gradually, unknowingly, I developed a feeling that I was playing an important and decisive role. Eventually I felt that I was the center of things and that everybody else was in a supporting role. I had a sense of self-satisfaction and therefore I wasn't so strict with myself. However, this of course wasn't the real situation; it was just my thoughts. I also felt I had given up everything; because of this I regarded studying the Fa as merely finishing a chore. As I felt that I had nearly reached my peak of cultivation, naturally and gradually my heart became less pure. When I was reading the Fa, I didn't have the heart of assimilating to the Fa or of searching for my defects; reading the Fa simply became a behavior to prove that I was diligent. Therefore, the principles of the Fa would certainly not be revealed. This in turn made me feel that I had reached my peak of cultivation. The quality of my Fa-study was getting worse and worse. While I was studying the Fa, I felt sleepy and tired. Eventually, I couldn't guarantee the quality at all. I was so depressed, but somehow I just couldn't find the root of the problem. Gradually, my conduct deviated from the Fa; and still I didn't pay much attention. Subconsciously I felt that I had already done so much, that there was no need to care about the small details. This attitude then led my cultivation to slowed progress and eventually to a standstill.
Teacher says: "Cultivate Xinxing every moment. After Consummation come boundless wonders" ("Genuine Cultivation" from Hong Yin). But one must continuously improve in cultivation. Recently, a series of xinxing problems had arisen, and I didn't conduct myself well. Because I hadn't upgraded my xinxing, my tribulations became bigger and bigger. I indulged myself in small things, and gradually they developed into bigger problems. On several occasions I didn't pass the xinxing tests. I lost my rationality, and I indulged myself in demon nature. It was only then that I gradually became vigilant once again, and started to examine myself deeply and look inward deeply.
At the beginning I didn't immediately find the root of the problem; I just felt that I must upgrade and that I must maintain my xinxing. I started to check my behavior when I was studying the Fa, and conducted myself by following the Fa, no matter how big or small I felt the matter to be. Because my attitude towards Fa study was purer, before long the Fa gave me a hint about the root of my problem. Having deviated so far on my path, however, it was a long period in the process of my cultivation and practice.
As a matter of fact, Teacher has already told us:
"The disciples who practice cultivation in Falun Dafa must remember that you absolutely should not take the Fa merely as ordinary human academic scholarship or as something for monks to study, rather than actually practicing cultivation. Why do I tell you to study, read, and memorize Zhuan Falun? To guide your cultivation! As to those who only do the exercises but don't study the Fa, they are not disciples of Dafa whatsoever. Only when you are studying the Fa and cultivating your heart and mind in addition to the means of reaching Consummation--the exercises, and truly changing yourself fundamentally while improving your xinxing and elevating your level--can it be called true cultivation practice." ("What is Cultivation Practice?" Essentials for Further Advancement)
I hope that anyone who has the same problem as I will please take me as an example: realize the problem as soon as possible, and truly cherish this rare opportunity of Fa rectification.
