(Clearwisdom.net) In the past I did not have a clear understanding of cultivation during the Fa-rectification period, so I did not do well.
Around the time of the National Holiday on October 1, 2002, local police came to see me many times. In order to avoid harassment, I moved to my relative's home, but because the relative was afraid, he impeded my studying the Fa. During the day there was almost no time to read the Fa, while at night I could not overcome sleepiness. After a while, I became aware that I should not acknowledge this. While doing my work in the daytime, I listened to Master's lectures on tape and sent forth righteous thoughts every hour.
Later it came to me that I should clarify the truth and distribute more truth-clarifying fliers. On January 31, 2003, I distributed fliers while walking downstairs. When I had two more stairs to go I suddenly couldn't see anything and my mind went numb. At that time I did not stop to calm down, leaning on the wall to support myself and grabbing the handrail. I just stepped down. Afterwards, my eyes went back to normal and I could see clearly. But I already fallen on the floor, and injured my right foot. So I could not walk or practice the exercises. However, I did not make any effort to overcome the situation.
In April and May I was remorseful for not being able to distribute fliers. But my daughter and young granddaughter said, "We'll go out to hand out the fliers, and you can stay home and send forth righteous thoughts to strengthen our effort. The effect would be the same if we act as a group." But I still preferred to do it myself. So I went out with difficulty, but I fell into a puddle of water.
Afterwards I realized that it was "selfishness' that was making the trouble. I didn't merge myself into group efforts and emphasized "me" too much. On June 4, I had a high fever, and later I could not eat anything. That night I had a dream about my dead relative and that I was dying. Suddenly I woke up. I told the evil in other dimensions, "I am Master's disciple. I will only follow the path arranged by Master. I will not take any others. You want me to die, then I will not; you won't let me eat, then I'll eat." Rising up by the strength of my spirit, I stood up, held myself up against the wall, and walked to the kitchen. There was a bowl of cold rice soup. I found a piece of cold steamed bread in the fridge, soaked it into the rice soup and ate it.
Within the next month, everything I ate tasted as bitter as Chinese herb medicine. But I still forced myself to eat. Once in my dream I saw a round thing spinning above my head and making some noise. I felt that it took out lots of things from my body. When I woke up, the round thing was gone but I still could hear the noise. I felt that my body was scattered and had no strength to move even a little bit. I just wanted to lie there. I was just like an elderly person with a severe disease who couldn't get out of bed. Once I saw myself in a mirror. My face was black, just like a dying person. Actually others saw my face as yellow. The evil faked these images to weaken my will. However, this made me cheer up. The old forces didn't fancy me and attempted to get rid of me. It was also because I did not do well, so I should find the root of the problem and resolve it completely.
Through studying the Fa and looking inwards, I found that I did not understand the relationship of my own cultivation and Fa-rectification well. It was the "selfishness" that kept me from taking the right path. I realized that I wasn't diligent at all. Yesterday's standard is not valid anymore today, because the Fa-rectification has already passed yesterday. It is progressing by leaps and bounds, at a faster and faster pace. So we cannot keep our old understanding and standard.
I really felt upset. I made a promise to Master, "From now on I definitely will make up for the loss." At the same time I told the evil in other dimensions, "I did not do well before. From now on I will do well. But I will not allow you to persecute me. My mission is not over, neither is my life. I will live and assist Master in rectifying the Fa."
Afterwards when I sent forth righteous thoughts the coldness around my lower back was gone. As I could not do the second exercise in the standing position, I did it in a sitting position. I sent forth righteous thoughts 15 to 17 times a day. If I could not finish one lecture of Zhuan Falun everyday I'd read as much as possible. Later I had another dream. I was lying in the bedroom and Master was sitting in the living room, when a policeman came to see me. I enlightened that Master is always taking care of me and waiting for my improvement. Now I am completely recovered. The shadow of "death" has already left me.
Throughout these tribulations, I consider that problems we meet today probably are reflections of the Fa rectifying problems on some level. Therefore, resolving personal problems cannot be considered only from the perspective of personal cultivation, but also from the perspective of Fa-rectification. Dafa practitioners are able to validate Dafa because we have this human body. So facing every problem, we should look inward all the time.
Above is some of my experience. Please kindly point out anything improper.
October 21, 2003
