Becoming More Mature in My Cultivation: What it Means to Become a Particle of Dafa

Greetings Everyone! Greetings to our esteemed Teacher!

It has been almost two years since I attained the Fa and in that time my life has encountered unending opportunities for growth and wisdom unveiled. As a practitioner, upholding the universal principle of Zhen-Shan-Ren or Truthfulness-Benevolence-Forbearance is a challenging and sacred commitment. More and more, the power this this principle has to transform is revealing itself to me. In April 1999, when I started upon the path of cultivation, I mainly focused upon acting according to the highest standard of these three words, maximally giving up attachments, and practicing and studying well. While there certainly was nothing incorrect with that approach, I can see now that the main emphasis of those activities centered around the words "my cultivation" and what that meant to me, how it benefited me, improved me, helped me etc. In fact, just admitting this, I feel ashamed and can see my attachment to self-centered thinking. Because of this particular attachment our benevolent teacher gave me a big tribulation, that lasted too long, in order to help me remove it and move up.

The past year gave me an excellent opportunity to gain more understanding about the relationship between being concerned with ones own self-improvement and removing all obstacles that prevent the transformation or "rectification" the Fa can effect on our environment. Now my understanding has improved and it encompasses a deeper awareness that giving up attachments is also about removing all obstacles blocking the ability for this transformation to take place. In Zhuan Falun our Teacher says, "The Buddha light illuminates everywhere and rectifies all abnormalities." If that Buddha light does not shine in us brightly then so many opportunities around us become lost.

In my daily life, I have a difficult job, full of difficult people. Sometimes they go to great lengths to be disruptive just to prove the smallest point. They are locked in the struggle for what they can get at the expense of everyone else. When I began working at my job, I had just begun practicing Falun Dafa and set forth to be very diligent about maintaining my principles and being a good person. Working in this harsh and competitive environment was so painful and unbearable. I felt terrible seeing the worst in people. My level of understanding at the time caused me to decide that I should forbear all difficult matters and work diligently without complaint. This is what I thought a good practitioner should do. So I steadfastly set upon this task and then immediately my tests began.

At work, as I became more preoccupied with finding new ways to forbear my environment, more unreasonable tests came in my direction. I endured so many ridiculous things it makes me laugh now. Such as the time I was completely soaked in a rainstorm on my way to work. I arrived late with an inch of water in each shoe. My boss reprimanded me for arriving late and then without any consideration for my soaking wet condition, insisted that we begin work (although he did let me pour the water out of my shoes). I was forced to work with him all day in a room where he kept the air-conditioning on full blast because he felt too warm. Meanwhile I was shivering with cold and I didn't dry off until it was time to leave. My heart was really heavy at his selfish actions, but I continued to forbear.

Another time, some people created a big problem after not taking responsibility for an important issue, that resulted in a huge and potentially expensive problem. Instead of reporting their mistake to the president, I quietly worked to fix the problem. It took three months of working late just to resolve it. In the end, I didn't receive any thanks; instead the people I helped told the president I made the mistake! I felt very angry but still didn't say anything and kept on forbearing.

It just kept continuing in this way. When people told distasteful jokes in the office I would leave the group, eat lunch by myself, or not talk to people unless I had a good reason, etc. At the time I felt I was acting as a good practitioner but actually I was avoiding my cultivation environment. The more I would forbear, the more problems I would have. I began to avoid people and conflicts more and more and then tried to forbear more and more. Things just became worse. People were constantly uncomfortable and acted tense around me. I was forced to work unreasonable hours. Then I began getting blamed for others mistakes while at the same time I was doing good deeds and fixing all their problems. I couldn't enlighten to what was going on. All types of miscommunications occurred with other practitioners. Through all of this I couldn't look within myself very well. I would make an attempt to find my fault but I always would see myself as a good practitioner and unknowingly I felt I was better than all those people. I was always worrying about their effect on my practice and tried to avoid letting them disturb or influence me in any way. I complained so much about how difficult things were for me and how unfair it was that I was always blamed. Now I can see how much it was all about my selfish interest and the thought I was better than those around me.

After enlightening to that realization I felt very humble and ashamed with myself. I made the decision that I would only acknowledge the good in everyone I worked with and not judge or criticize them. I sincerely appreciated their strengths and what I could learn from them. As soon as I held that thought, my boss hired someone to help me at work and my long hours were reduced. From taking this new attitude I noticed a kinder nature appearing in myself and I laughed more often. Suddenly my boss started joking more and smiling more. One day he even made a joke that when something goes wrong everyone should just blame me for it. I really laughed at that because I could hear our Teacher using those words to point out an important and truthful issue. That a practitioner always looks inside for the cause of any conflict. Because of that I felt a lot kinder to those in my office and decided to appreciate my co-workers for helping me improve.

The environment in my job drastically changed for the better after I admitted that I was a Dafa practitioner and explained about the persecution in China. This was a very general and low-level discussion and I worried it was not enough. In the past, no one knew very much about me and I kept all my personal business strictly to myself. I held the idea that my co-workers were too impossible to be able to understand or respect Dafa. But again I was wrong

Because of this gap in my thinking all sorts of interference came to me. In the past, if I had some Dafa activity or reading group to attend, the job would require me to stay late at the last minute. I felt very resentful. After admitting I was a practitioner, the amount of respect they had toward me greatly increased and everything became more harmonious. I think it was because I finally showed them my heart instead of hiding and protecting it. They stopped swearing in the office in front of me but even when they did I was still kind to them and didn't treat them harshly. I corrected one girl who had this terrible habit, by telling her kindly that she was too pretty to let garbage come from her mouth. She looked very ashamed and said she was sorry and she stopped doing it from that point on. When my boss was unreasonable or petty I told him how much I learned from him and appreciated the challenges he had to face. All of these things I did from a heart of sincerity. Suddenly not only the office improved but people began to share something interesting about themselves or show me their best side.

This week I learned that a co-worker, who has a reputation for being confrontational and has always tried to undermine me, took the time to do something for me that saved me much time and effort. What was amazing is that he did it without trying to take any credit or brag about doing it. That was really unbelievable and I cried thinking about the change that happened in his heart, which allowed him to put down his usual way of acting and do something unconditionally out of kindness. Before I wanted to leave so I could find an easier job and have more time for cultivation. Now I realize that I already had the best cultivation environment of all.

Over the past few months I have gained a new level of understanding about what cultivation is about. I have completely stopped worrying about the time and space for my personal cultivation and just want to take advantage of cultivation opportunities, meeting all conflicts with an unmoved heart. In fact this attititude has improved my cultivation and removed obstacles faster while my environment has become better and better. I've found Master's words to be true, "that what ever you deserve you will attain naturally."

As I learned in this past year, the next step after personal cultivation is to achieve a more mature view. The concepts that have helped me to improve the most have been, putting others interests first, looking for the opportunity to improve in every activity and choosing to act from the Fa based on what is right, not from what I think is right or prefer to do. In all matters I try to act with a heart of true benevolence and doing so I assume the view that I personally can make a difference instead of waiting for others to take care of the job.

In my understanding, to become a particle of Dafa is our benevolent Teacher's hint at the next level we must go to move up in our cultivation. All the worries about not having time, who is irritating you and whether or not you can or can't do something are irrelevant. These thoughts are all obstacles that prevent the powerful Fa from working through each of us to transform our environment and bring it back to its original standard.

Becoming a particle in Dafa and maturing in my cultivation has opened my compassion, raised my level of wisdom and taught me that forbearance means maintaining the highest standard under all circumstances, not just enduring something painful. I have felt that my understanding has become deeper. I just hope that I can do even better.