My Conscience Cannot be Betrayed!

I began to suffer from brain paralysis when I was twenty-eight years old. I was stricken with more diseases over the next ten years. I was struggling for survival with pain and disappointment, even though I was still young.

In August 1996, I fully recovered from all of those diseases, just one month after I started to practice Falun Gong. The miracle of Falun Dafa bringing me from dying back to life, healing my illnesses, and raising my morality had a great impact on the people around me. Since July 20, 1999, with the increasing intensity of distortion and suppression toward Falun Dafa, I naturally became a target.

On July 20,1999 I went to appeal and was repatriated back. I have been locked up tightly and monitored by a special task force twenty-four hours a day, and have lost any contact with the outside. The officials of our department take turns to "transform" me. They tell me to give up Falun Gong and keep in line with the Central Committee of the Communist Party in terms of attacking Falun Gong. If I am not "transformed", I would not be allowed to go back to work and would be dismissed from the Party. I said: " If you want to dismiss me, so be it. If you want to forbid me from working, so be it. I'll never betray my conscience. I am going to practice Falun Dafa to the end. All propaganda and reports in the Chinese newspapers and TV are distorted and fabricated. Why not dare to report the fact that millions of genuine practitioners have become healthier, with higher morality, and the fact that Falun Gong is beneficial to the country and the people? I am one of the witnesses of the benefits of Falun Dafa. How can I betray my conscience for the immediate fame and interest? A human being should be a good one. A Party member should be a good one. Otherwise, this society would be a society without good people; the Party would be a party without conscience. We seek truth from facts and adhere to the truth. Aren't we the most outstanding party members? If such excellent Party members are not wanted, please do whatever you want."

I feel very sad. When I was suffering and struggling at death's door for many years, no body "cared about" me. I paid 40,000 Yuan for brain surgery. Probably very few people would know about it if I had died on the hospital bed. But when Falun Dafa saved my life marvelously, gave me a healthy, harmonious and happy life, suddenly so many people - from central to local governments, from police, residential district to work unit - the whole society is concerned about my interest, my family and my future. Without Master Li, without cultivation, I wouldn't have had this new life. To force me to break away from Master Li and Dafa, is it to force me to give up my life, give up my health and happiness? What's the use of fame and interest to a lifeless person without health? How could a human being do such a flagrant thing, disregarding the life and death of other people?"

My heart is broken. Who is the person who confounds black and white, who ignores the feelings and wishes of the people, who labels Falun Gong an "evil religion?" Every body knows that Master Li teaches us " Truthfulness, Compassion and Tolerance", meaning that a practitioner should be of high morality in any environment and under any circumstances, and be considerate to others at anytime and in any place, and ultimately reach the state of unselfishness. Is this evil? As Falun Gong practitioners, we try our best to meet the requirements by Master Li. My family has become harmonious. Verbal and physical abuse of children has stopped. The common quarrels between couples in the society have disappeared among our practitioners. We try to look inside ourselves whenever there is a conflict. We feel harmonious, trustful and happy. Since July 20, 1999, my husband has assured me that he would never divorce me, even if I am detained, arrested, dismissed, or whatever. He has demonstrated the noble state of a good person in dire peril. In the working place we also do our best. I resumed work not long after I started practicing Falun Gong. I was presented awards for excellence every year. This has never happened before.

In our departmental speech competition just before April 25,1999, I gained the most sincere and warmest applause. Since we don't compete for personal gain, whatever we do, we put out our enthusiasm and our best efforts. That's exactly what Master Li teaches us to do - to work and deal with people purely and kindheartedly, without the pursuit of repayment. That is why even the secret order from the officials to tightly control me as a Falun Gong practitioner could not stop the applause from the innermost hearts of the people, or stop the most sincere love and recognition from them by ranking me in the top three places. I became the hot topic for several days in the cafeteria of the Provincial Party Committee. A reporter from the Provincial newspaper came to interview me, but was blocked, because I'm a Falun Gong practitioner.

In the society, we also try hard to be good citizens who are considerate to others. The poor children in the YAO school of Zhao XiongYing, a representative to the Fifteenth Congress Meeting, were to poor to attend school. When I heard the news I donated to them about 10,000 Yuan, as well as a lot of clothes and other living and school supplies. The children and parents said with tears that they had never seen such kind of help. Their school came to my work place to thank me with a letter on a big red paper. We respect the hard work of policemen who arrest bad people, maintain the stability of the society and are ready to take up the cudgels for a just cause. Learning from Mater Li, I donated about 50,000 Yuan two times. Since I started practicing Falun Gong, I haven't seen a doctor or taken medicine. Leading a simple life, I saved all of my benefits and donated them all to charity. When journalists interviewed me, I asked to remain anonymous. But now, instead of arresting bad people, they arrest us good people who donated money. My nephew, nephew's wife as well as their whole family, my sister, brother and mother, all practice Falun Gong. They have been arrested and detained several times. The brother of my nephew's wife has been sentenced to education through labor for three years. She is still being beaten and verbally abused in jail. My nephew's wife was dismissed from the Department of Provincial Public Security because she is a Falun Gong practitioner.

My colleagues said privately that, in terms of hard work, nobody could be compared with you; in terms of disregarding personal fame and interest and contributing to others unselfishly, nobody could be near you. They say that they absolutely believe that the Falun Gong practitioners are really good people. We have done so simply because we are Falun Dafa practitioners taught by Master Li. Without cultivation, we would be unable to do so, and we would be morally degenerated, being each other's enemy, as usual.

However, such an upright and good Dafa is now distorted, slandered and labeled as an "evil religion." The harmonious, peaceful and beautiful environment created by Dafa has been destroyed. All practitioners, who were welcomed and praised in the past are classified as enemies over night. The suppression is increasing. Practitioners are being tortured, leading to international condemnations and protesting. Not wanting to betray my conscience, I refuse to be "transformed", and I continue to practice Falun Gong. The officials are afraid that I would go to appeal thus bring trouble to them, thus they don't allow me to go to work, or contact anyone other than those who are responsible for "transforming" me. I would be escorted by special personnel with special vehicles whenever police officers want to interrogate me. My family members also keep an eye on me. Out of sentimentality, they would tell the outside according to what's needed, instead of my real situation. Thus nobody knows my true situation.

Because I am the only one in the Provincial Headquarter who has not been "transformed," who is "poisoned too deeply", who is "very stubborn", and who is not keeping in line with the Central Party Committee to attack Falun Gong, the officials feel highly pressed. I have "negatively impacted others." While forbidding me from going to work or contacting anyone outside, they spread the rumor among every department of the Provincial Party Committee that Ms. Li, a cadre from the Department of Human Resources, couldn't come to work because she is mentally shocked, has gone deviate from practicing Falun Gong. She is divorced from her husband, and she just couldn't make it to work. There are even more absurd rumors about me. . My family members, friends, and relatives are deeply hurt when they hear the same rumors wherever they go. I am treated as mentally ill by my colleagues, by people working in the Provincial Party Committee, and by all of those who don't know the truth. I have been locked up for half a year now, I have lost contact with the outside, and I am bearing great pressure from the society.

I am not blaming anyone. Whoever locks me up is just doing this because Falun Dafa is unfairly treated. I understand the painful feelings of my family and relatives. I don't hate those people who spread the rumor that have hurt us. Most of them just don't know the truth. Even if some of them know the truth yet they still did it, it is because they were forced to do so. They know in their heart and they say in private that Ms. Li is really good, and there is nothing bad with regard to her personality and moral quality; but in order to survive, they have to say or do things against their conscience. Nevertheless, we feel deeply hurt. Why is humanity twisted like this? Could such things happen in a normal society? Could the force behind the public that has distorted society and humanity be responsible to the people, to the society? I feel shamed., especially when I compare myself with those practitioners who have been tortured to death, who have been forced into psychiatric hospitals and tortured, who give abusers smiles rather than fight back when they are beaten or verbally abused. Facing such sudden tribulation, I have not developed the "compassion" that Master Li taught us to have. I still have a long way to go to meet the requirements of Master Li.

I am proud to be a disciple of Master Li Hong-Zhi. The very grave hardship will establish great mighty virtues for Falun Dafa and will also write down a splendid page for Dafa practitioners.

We appeal to people in the secular world. Stop evily treating Falun Dafa and Falun Gong practitioners with your eyes closed. Can't Falun Dafa practitioners' noble characters, unselfish hearts, the state of adhering to truth and indomitableness wake up your buried innate conscience?

A Falun Dafa practitioner in Mainland China

February 11, 2000