Looking Inward to Solve a Family Conflict
(Clearwisdom.net) For many practitioners, especially those who slack off in cultivation, handling family conflicts is not an easy thing. Once a problem arises in the relationship between a wife and mother with parents or children, it is very difficult to deal with. To some practitioners, it seems easier to keep a good relationship with non family members than with their own families.
A family is a special cultivation environment. The reasons behind such conflicts can probably be found listed below:
1. Complicated karmic relationships in history. You might have accumulated too many grudges with some of your family members through the history of your every lifetime. There is saying that "only the ones with mutual bonds will be thrown together; enemies and lovers are destined to meet." Whether you like someone or resent someone, someone treats you well or someone treats you badly, there is always a reason behind it. If a person comes to repay you a gratitude, you feel happy; You go to return money you borrowed, he also feels happy; On the contrary, if he comes for the debt you owe to him, you won't feel good and will maybe get mad; Similarly if you ask him to return money he owes you, he may not want to return it and curse you. This is life in the human world. Everyone is in the maze.
2. Home is a place where practitioners easily relax their xinxing requirements. However you behave at home, an outsider does not know, there is no public influence, neither will you worry about it. Sometimes when we do not behave as practitioners and not live up to the requirements of the Fa, a trivial thing can end up as a big conflict in the home.
3. You and your family members know each other too well. People usually have such a shortcoming: When people are too close, they also easily get into conflicts. Because each person clearly knows the other's shortcomings, there is less respect and tolerance of each other.
4. People are prone to be more attached to others' shortcomings, especially family members.
5. Attachment to self. You always think that your opinion is better than others, would rather change others than yourself. When others do not follow your idea, you get mad. When two persons in a family have the same attitude, problems will occur. There is an old saying "A mountain cannot accommodate two tigers."
6. For everyone in a family, everyone's reputation, gains and sentimentality are connected. If one loses face outside, you feel ashamed as well. If one gets a lot of money, you will think a portion of that money should belong to you.
7. Every family member has a different way of life. Someone likes to drink and you hate it, someone likes to spend money on some things you disagree with, someone likes to save money etc..
Many things may trigger a conflict among family members, causing much pain and worry. It is the way the human world is created, woven with grudges and gratitude. For a cultivator, nothing is accidental and everything is for cultivation. We should always guide our everyday life based on the Fa. Every bad thing that occurs should be treated as a good thing to a cultivator, let go of the attachments to reputation, gain and sentimentality, follow Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, be clear minded in cultivating ourselves.