A Critical Situation Exposes a Loophole in My Cultivation
(Clearwisdom.net) For two years, since I was released from a forced labor camp, my menstruation was always prolonged and there was a considerable amount of blood. Last month my period suddenly had more blood than before and with many clots. I had to use the restroom almost every ten minutes to change pads. My face and hands became pale. I felt tired and dizzy, and even vomited. My mom (also a practitioner) and I both knew that this could be the old forces' interference. We sent forth righteous thoughts for a while, but without success. To help me, my mom left to find fellow practitioners. While I was home alone, I felt cold all over my body and, my consciousness became a blur. A thought appeared in my mind: "It is fine to leave the human world right now." I was suddenly alerted by this thought, and I knew it was not mine. I said to it, "No, I won't go with you, I have my Teacher." Then I felt as if I was about to vomit, and I managed to get to the bathroom. But because I had not had breakfast, I vomit nothing. The retching was very painful. I squatted on the floor and almost fainted. But my mind was clear, I firmly sent out the thought, "My life is to save people. I will never go with the old forces." With this thought, I felt better and stopped retching. The Fa displayed its power. Just like Teacher said in "What's to Fear?" in Hong Yin II, "If thoughts are righteous, evil will collapse"
After breakfast, six or seven practitioners came to see me. With the practitioners' strong righteous field, it was comforting, my body felt like it was wrapped in warm energy. After they left, I felt worse again. My lower abdomen felt intermittent coldness, my stomach acted up and I threw up. I still noticed some blood clots, but I felt clearheaded.
Around noon, a young practitioner came to visit and sent forth righteous thoughts with me. She saw through her celestial eye that in one of my previous lifetimes I was a doctor of gynecology and conducted abortions for people. I had killed many lives and committed sins. Those perished lives lived under an extremely painful environment, they were determined to make me to pay for it. She told those lives, "Don't hurt this practitioner." They refused and said to her, "This is none of your business. Do you know how miserable we are? We have nothing to eat!"
Teacher said in Zhuan Falun,
"It was described in the past that lonesome spirits and homeless ghosts suffer from hunger, thirst, and other hardships. This maybe true."
I felt such a regret that I began to cry. Teacher said, "almost everyone is born with karma built upon karma." After talking with that practitioner, I understood that I should suffer this karma for them. When I sent forth righteous thoughts, I added a thought, reciting Teacher's words in "Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York",
"During the Fa-rectification of the cosmos, I can make a reasonable arrangement for those of you who don't interfere with my validating the Fa; I can have you become beings in the future. Those of you who seek a benevolent resolution should leave me and wait in my surroundings. If you really cannot leave me, then don't have any part in interfering with me. In the future I will be able to achieve Consummation, and I will offer you a benevolent resolution. Those who are completely bad, who still interfere with me and who cannot remain will, according to the standards, have to be eliminated. Even if I don't eliminate you, the Law of the cosmos won't let you remain."
After 3 p.m., I completely recovered, and everything was back to normal. I sincerely thank Teacher for His compassionate salvation.
I took this incident as a reminder to look inward to see where I did not do well in my cultivation. Fellow practitioners' help is very important, and so is my xinxing improvement. "Pacify the External by Cultivating the Internal"(Essentials for Further Advancement). Recently I haven't studied the Fa with a peaceful heart. I became numb and lazy. I got less involved in truth clarification. When I prepared truth clarification materials, I treated it as an everyday job that I had to finish. I did not think much about how to save more sentient beings. I did the three things like a robot instead of doing it sincerely from the perspective of the Fa. I let go of my xinxing, and various attachments popped up. I had conflicts with my family such as being disrespectful to my mom. I even had complaints about other practitioners.
I will do better in the future and truly cultivate myself, and at same time, I hope fellow practitioners can benefit from the lesson I learned.