How to Get Rid of Jealousy in Fa-Rectification Cultivation
(Clearwisdom.net) In recent years, while I was working on projects to validate the Fa, I constantly had disagreements with fellow practitioners and local coordinators. Sometimes, I would even incessantly argue with them. Although I knew that my behavior was not right, disagreements kept popping up. I was not able to find my attachment in these situations, until Master gave me two hints. I found that I was strongly attached to jealousy.
In the beginning, I constantly had disagreements with the local coordinators. I thought that in order to quickly finish some work, it needed to be done in a certain way. "It is apparent that my solution is the best. Why didn't you choose this way? Why did you spend extra time to discuss how to do it?" I thought that the coordinators were not being responsible for the project. They spent a lot of effort but accomplished little. They wasted other people's time and energy. After that, I thought that I would just let the fellow practitioners do whatever they wanted to do. I was tired of talking and helping. I told them, "If I could be of any help, let me know; otherwise, you just do whatever you want to do." I berated them with mocking comments.
This situation lasted for a long time without a breakthrough. One day while reading a section in lecture seven in Zhuan Falun, "Jealousy," Master gave us a hint not to emulate "Shen Gongbao." I felt ashamed of myself. During many years of cultivation, I have never thought that I was the same as "Shen Gongbao." I thought some practitioners were "old and incompetent" (i.e. they only speak Chinese, were slow, had little education, like to babble, and are easily irritated). Some other capable practitioners (could be other practitioners, or myself) were not asked to "confer titles on immortals." Therefore, "He was so jealous that he always caused troubles for Jiang Ziya" (Zhuan Falun, March 2000, translated by US practitioner). After Master gave me this hint, I started to pay special attention to this attachment.
After that, I was less assertive to other practitioners. The disagreements and arguments were greatly reduced. However, when other practitioners commented on my project, I still felt unhappy. If he was not a coordinator or an assistant of the project, or was not directly involved in the project, I would feel resentful. "You can also do it?!" "You could learn how to do it. It is not difficult!" "Why can't you uplift yourself?" "I am very busy. You are doing nothing and babbling without a stop." "You are doing nothing. How can you keep directing me?" or "I don't have time or energy to take care of that." This time, Master gave me more hints. My thoughts still came from the attachments of "egalitarianism" and "jealousy."
Master gave me hints again about my attachment to jealousy which caused disagreements between fellow practitioners and myself. Because a project did not follow my expectation, I was tired of helping. Finally, I pushed the responsibility away. My mindset was "always believes that he should do exactly what he is able to" (lecture seven of Zhuan Falun, March 2000, translated by US practitioner) At the end, I could not pass the tribulation and fell down. I still could not find my own problem and kept complaining that other practitioners did not understand me.
Master also gave me hints that I should not behave the same as an ordinary person and be attached to my own ideas, because our coordination and cooperation as one body are required to validate Dafa. Even if other practitioners agree with me, I should not think that my ideas are the best and refuse to put them aside. Everything is controlled by Master. We should believe in Master and the Fa. We shouldn't use the excuse of validating the Fa to cover up our attachments, such as attachment to personal interest.
While I hung out with fellow practitioners, Master also gave me hints, whenever my jealousy surfaced. For example, why couldn't I control my speech all the time? Why was there a separation between fellow practitioners and myself? Master reminded us that we should not be exploited by the evil, the old forces, or the communist evil spirit for our loopholes in jealousy. In addition, Master gave me hints to be humble. I should not have the mindset of a veteran practitioner and dismiss ideas of new practitioners. I should listen to all the ideas from all practitioners.
Master also gave me hints about my impatience in listening to the experiences shared by some practitioners during group discussion. I should listen to all the experience sharing from all practitioners and cherish the understandings from different levels. I should not disrespect others' understandings, no matter what my personal interests are.
Master also told me not to vie for supremacy and try to outdo others in my cultivation.
In the past, I thought that I was not a person attached to jealousy. Actually, this was false. Now, I understand why my character has not improved for a long time. As Master said, "Today I am telling practitioners that you should not keep yourselves in the dark without being enlightened to it. The goal that you intend to achieve is to practice cultivation toward high levels. The attachment of jealousy must be relinquished, so I have singled out the issue in this lecture." (lecture seven of Zhuan Falun, March 2000, translated by US practitioner)
Now, I also have a better understanding about "personal interest." I realize that "personal interest" is only limited to material. To a cultivator, "personal interest" also contains "fame" and "sentimentality." If we feel that something is against our mind, or it does not meet our expectation, we are attached to "personal interest." My understanding is that "senses of selfness and selfishness" could be called as "personal interest" in different levels. We should get rid of them all.
I wish my sharing can help other practitioners to get rid of jealousy. This is my personal understanding in my realm. If there is anything inappropriate, please kindly point it out.