I Found My Attachment of Jealousy
(Clearwisdom.net) I thought I did not have any jealousy. No matter how good another person's home situation was, no matter how good their jobs were, no matter how good their personal relationships were, how high their official rankings were or how much money they made, I always kept a peaceful mind and felt no jealousy. Whenever I read in Zhuan Falun,
"Jealousy is very serious, because it directly impacts whether we can cultivate to Perfection. If jealousy isn't eliminated, all the thoughts you've cultivated become fragile."
I felt lucky that I enjoyed exceptional advantages in this respect, and I did not need to cultivate in this respect. However a trifling thing happened recently, which made me look closer at myself.
My daughter was attending school in another area. When the winter vacation was over and she was packing her things, she left behind a large box of coffee. At that time, I said, "If you don't want to keep it, I will take it." My daughter said, "Ok." My husband was by my side and didn't saying anything.
After my daughter was gone, my husband unexpectedly replaced his cup of tea with coffee every night. I was fond of coffee, and I was afraid that my husband would finish it all (we are not rich people and we wouldn't go and buy any more coffee). As a result, I secretly hid a bag of coffee for myself. After the first cup, I got a stomachache. When I thought about how I was cultivating Dafa and yet I was still attached to taste, I felt very guilty. I also wanted to eliminate my attachment since I already had a stomachache. However the coffee was so delicious and inviting that I could not help trying it twice more. Each time my stomach ached again. I enlightened to the principle that "certain states will arise from his gong and Law," (Zhuan Falun), and I realized that Master had already told me to no longer drink coffee, I was not supposed to have it. I then eliminated the attachment to coffee. However when I noticed that the coffee supply was dwindling every day, it was not that I did not care at all. However I did not pay any more attention to it. My only thought was "so long as I do not drink it any more."
One day, when I was studying the Fa, suddenly there appeared the word "jealousy," and my mind quickly associated it with coffee. Oh, the reason why I still cared for coffee was because of jealousy. When my daughter thought that the coffee was taken by me, it was actually taken by her father. And then I felt the imbalance. Her father loves coffee and he drinks the coffee. For me, I "then get upset when something good happens to other people, instead of being happy for them." (Zhuan Falun) Isn't this jealousy? Isn't it testifying that "If jealousy isn't eliminated, all the thoughts you've cultivated become fragile."(Zhuan Falun). Why, as a practitioner who cultivates Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance," are my thoughts so fragile that they can not even be shown before her father?
This incident made me once again feel the greatness and sacredness of Dafa and the compassionate salvation of Master. "Cultivation is up to you, gong is up to the master." (Zhuan Falun) I feel that if you cultivate genuinely, Dafa will rectify you constantly and take good care of you, and you will find the attachments that you did not realize you had and eliminate them. You will step forward from being human and follow Master to rectify the Fa.
This is my personal understanding. If anything is improper, please point it out with compassion.