My Experience of Looking Inward
(Clearwisdom.net) Teacher has been teaching us repeatedly to be compassionate, tolerant and considerate of others. However, I found that my first thought was still always about myself whenever I encountered conflicts. I tended to point fingers at others and find fault in others. This notion seemed to be engraved into my mind and became the basis of my thinking. I knew this notion of mine did not conform to the principles of the Fa, however, every time when I looked inward, I stopped at the surface and never dug down deep inside. Recently some incidents have prompted me to dig into the roots of my notions, and I found that there was a strong concept of "selfishness and self" behind my complaints and criticism of others. If other people's words or actions touched my "selfishness and self," then I would feel upset and start to complain about others. Sometimes I would even distance myself from other people.
I remember once reading an article on a Dafa website that talked about the conflicts between two practitioners working at the same Dafa truth-clarification material production site. One practitioner did not eat green onions, but another practitioner insisted on putting some green onions in the dishes when cooking. Because of this, the conflicts between the two practitioners grew more and more serious. Later they had to be separated. In the end, both of them were persecuted by the evil. When I first read this article, I laughed at these two practitioners' situation. After a second thought though, I realized that such a phenomenon wasn't unusual among many practitioners. Oftentimes practitioners had conflicts because of some trivial things, but they did not look inward seriously. As a result, the conflicts grew more and more serious, yet practitioners still used Dafa to cover up their own attachments.
A while ago, I had some conflicts with a colleague. I would feel very uncomfortable upon seeing him. Through constantly looking inward, I realized that what touched me was my strong notion of self and my selfishness. I thought he interfered with my studying the Fa and doing Dafa work. In the end, I even felt upset upon listening to his voice. I knew I was wrong but I just could not forgive him. One night, I went to sleep with complaints about my colleague in my mind. Suddenly I felt very uncomfortable, so I sat up. As soon as I sat up, blood kept running down my nose non-stop. I felt that countless beings were crying out to me. I realized that since I had held onto my notion and would not change my selfish nature, these beings could not assimilate to the new cosmos and were thus eliminated and ran down with my nosebleed. I was extremely sad. At that moment, I said to Teacher from the bottom of my heart that I must assimilate to Dafa, so that sentient beings can be saved. Then my nosebleed stopped.
Sometimes I felt that the substance in my body was as solid as granite. As soon as the bad notions came up, I would grab them, and get rid of them. I felt that this confining shell was gradually melting away.
Not long after this realization, my colleague came to me, saying that he felt that his thoughts were not proper and he always wanted to pick on me. One day he suddenly felt he was too hard on me and felt very bad, and he hoped I could forgive him. The moment he changed his thoughts was exactly the same moment I changed my thoughts. Teacher said in Zhuan Falun that, "Buddha's light shines everywhere, propriety and righteousness harmonize everything." When we rectify ourselves, the surrounding environment will also be rectified.
When conflicts arise between fellow practitioners, it must be that the other person has touched our own selfishness. Sometimes practitioners tend to use doing Dafa work as an excuse to cover up the attachments we have and fail to look inward deeply. Since we did not look inward for a long time, conflicts piled up and were taken advantage of by the dark minions of the old forces, causing damage to saving sentient beings.
Let us constantly rectify ourselves and walk our path of Fa-rectification well.