Eliminating My Resentment and Attachment to Saving Face

(Minghui.org) One day while I was printing truth clarification materials about Falun Dafa at home, I heard someone knocking on the door. The materials were everywhere so I didn’t want to open the door. When the knocking stopped, I resumed printing. When the person resumed knocking I was a little scared. I recalled how someone looked at me suspiciously a few days earlier when I talked to a person about the persecution of Falun Dafa. I decided that I wouldn’t open the door unless the person identified themselves. After some time the knocking stopped. When I finally went to check no one was there. I thought it might have been someone trying to sell property management services to the residents.

I thought, “If someone knocks again, it may be a practitioner I know, and I’ll open the door if he knocks three times.” I began to send righteous thoughts, and half way through, someone knocked twice then stopped. I decided not to open the door.

When I went to a practitioner’s home he asked where I was the other day. I realized he knocked on my door that day. He drove a long way to bring me the things I needed because they were too heavy for me to carry home. I felt terrible, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that I was home but didn’t open the door. I couldn’t stand to lose face, and said I was out shopping. He said, “It was late. I thought the market was closed.” In an attempt to cover my tracks, I doubled down, “I got home late and wasn’t home when you came by.”

The more I thought about it, the worse I felt, “I practiced Falun Dafa for six years, and now I’ve started lying? I couldn’t stand liars even before I became a practitioner.” Later that day I studied the teachings, and what Master said shook me,“Nowadays, people behave this way and will first of all avoid responsibility upon coming across a problem, regardless of whether they are at fault.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)

Why did I avoid responsibility? I was afraid the practitioner would blame me and I was worried that I’d lose face. I should have just told him that I didn’t open the door because I didn’t know who was knocking. Instead, I lied and said I wasn’t home.

I realized that I needed to expose the “lying me” and eliminate it. I must be honest and tell the practitioner what really happened, and I should sincerely apologize. I can’t worry about losing face, instead, I should eliminate the attachments to pride, fear, and self-righteousness, and correct myself based on Falun Dafa’s teachings.

I resented a practitioner named Hong. Over the past two years we often go out together to clarify the truth, and we meet at a certain place. At first she arrived earlier than I did, but she’s recently been late. Sometimes she doesn’t show up.

One time when I left home to meet with Hong, it started to rain, and the rain grew heavier. Another practitioner asked me to bring Hong some materials she needed, so I knew that I had to go despite the weather. When I got to the place, the rain eased, so I thought that Hong would definitely come. However, the rain became heavy again, and the temperature dropped, but Hong did not come.

My resentment surfaced, “The materials are heavy and I waited a long time in the cold. She didn’t come because of the rain. She didn’t show up last time because of her granddaughter. What’s next?” I suddenly realized I had resentment and I also identified more attachments. I felt anxious when things didn’t go my way. I liked to think highly of myself (for coming out even though it rained), I didn’t want to suffer (I carried a heavy bag), and didn’t like to look bad (because I carried many bags).

The more resentful thoughts I had, the worse I felt, because all these selfish notions attracted negative elements to my dimension. I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate my attachments.

I calmed down. Even if Hong didn’t come, I could still clarify the truth, instead of wasting this trip. Suddenly the heavy rain stopped, and the temperature rose. That day went well; everyone I spoke to decided to quit the Chinese Communist Party and its affiliations. Some thanked me. One person said, “You look kind. You must be a good person. I trust you, I’d like to quit the CCP.” The materials in my backpack didn’t feel heavy at all.

Master arranged everything so I could help him save more people. The moment my resentment disappeared, I conformed to the Fa principles, and Master improved the truth-clarification environment.

My notions didn’t completely vanish. At times they surfaced. I focused on my every thought and action, and as soon as a notion surfaced, I caught it and eliminated it. There were moments I failed to catch the bad notions, but I knew that if I studied the Fa more, I’ll be able discern bad thoughts from good ones. When we fill our minds with the Fa, there is no room for the evil. The Fa can break all attachments, allow us to fulfill our vows and save more people.