Learning to Look Inward in Family Conflicts

(Minghui.org) My mother is a Falun Dafa practitioner. I have felt the beauty of Dafa from her since I was a child. I read Zhuan Falun and understood that cultivating in Dafa is very good. It helps me become open-minded, keeps me calm, healthy and safe.

However, I did not let go of my attachment to comfort and could not endure the pain of meditating with both legs crossed in the lotus position. Although I studied the Fa, my study was intermittent. I could only make progress for a few days at a time, and then I would slack off. I was basically in a state of muddling through in cultivation.

Before I got married, I was working outside my hometown. When I got together with my colleagues, I would tell them about Dafa and the persecution and help them quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its youth organizations.

I was introduced to my husband by a relative who is also a Dafa practitioner. My mother-in-law is a Dafa practitioner as well, and I wanted to find a family of fellow practitioners. We got married quickly. We have been married for nine years and have two children. I was not diligent in cultivation before, and I became even busier with everyday tasks after having children. When a relative, who is a Dafa practitioner, urged me to be diligent, I would be for a few days, and then I would slack off again. Last year, I read Master’s articles “Stay Out of Danger” and “Dafa Spiritual Practice Is Serious.” I was shocked and became a little more diligent. I also helped this relative to read Master’s article “How Humankind Came To Be” to 14 relatives and friends.

My husband has been working away from home for a long time and would only be home for a short time every year. Recently, he came back home and we enjoyed a good relationship at first. But after a few days, I was busy with the children all day and was very tired. I spent less time with my husband, which made him feel that I didn’t care about him and that I didn’t want to share married life with him.

Seeing that I looked unhappy, fellow practitioners suggested that I join a Fa-study group. I had only been going there for three days before my husband started to make trouble for me. Before that, although he did not oppose my cultivation, he would oppose our children cultivating because he was afraid they would go out and tell others about Dafa, and might therefore be persecuted. I knew that studying the Fa was good for the children, so I did not want to give in and continued to encourage them in Fa study. For this reason, my husband was dissatisfied. 

He works hard and is family-oriented. When he was home, he would help the children with their studies and we would do things together. I became dependent on him in daily life. Gradually, I would push household chores onto him. I would feel put-upon if I did them and I wanted to be praised. I had many bad thoughts without realizing them and did not require myself to meet the standards of a Dafa practitioner.

I went out to group Fa study. My husband didn’t say anything on the first day. On the second night, he started to scold me and wouldn’t let me go out again. He spoke harshly to me, so I argued with him. I thought to myself, “Why should I listen to him?” I didn’t realize the seriousness of the matter. On the third day, when I was about to go out again, he rode away on my electric bike with the excuse of picking up a package. I was in a hurry to go out to study the Fa, so I didn’t wait for him to come back and walked to the Fa-study group. My husband hadn’t taken his keys when he left, and couldn’t get in the house when he came back. He went to the relative’s home, who is a Dafa practitioner. I didn’t take it to heart after I found out.

It was around 6 p.m. when I got home after studying the Fa. I entered the house, and the lights were off, with no one there. After a while, my husband returned with the children. As soon as the children came in, they said, “Close the door quickly, don’t let Dad in. He said he would beat you to death!”

I replied, “It’s okay, it’s dark outside. Let him in.” I didn’t expect that he would rush over to me as soon as he entered the door. He grabbed my hair, kicked me to the ground, and punched me. I didn’t move, and pushed him away calmly. He was still angry. Although I was not angry, my stubbornness came up. I called my mother-in-law to tell her about the beating and asked her to deal with him. When he heard that, my husband rushed up to hit me again, so I pushed him away. He told me to leave the house and took away the house keys and electric bike keys. I was quite calm, took out the spare key from the cabinet, comforted the children, told them that Mom would be back soon, and rode the electric bike to the relative practitioner’s house.

I wanted to share some Fa principles with the relative, but couldn’t control my tears when I entered their house. During the discussion, I found that I was being irrational and not clear-headed. My mother-in-law also came to see me, but I still had a knot in my heart that I couldn’t untie. I stayed at the relative’s house for a night. After a long conversation and in-depth communication, I realized that I had hidden a lot of bad thoughts: my husband worked long hours outside the home, suffering through hardship to earn money to support our family, and when he came home, I was dissatisfied, unkind, and indifferent to him. As a wife, I didn’t care about his saving face in front of others. If he complained about me once, I would return it to him three times. Last year, he suffered a slipped disc while working. Although I took care of him, I never expressed sympathy for him and I ignored him when things returned to normal. Now I realize that I really was wrong and had deeply hurt him. Master said, “Returning to tradition puts you on the path to Heaven.” (“Creating Anew” in Hong Yin V) I was no different from people with modern, deviant notions.

The next morning, my mother-in-law came with my husband and my youngest daughter to apologize to me. I went back to my mother-in-law’s house at noon for lunch, but I hadn’t let it go completely from my heart. I still put myself first, and didn’t take the initiative to clear the table or wash the dishes after we ate. I still wanted to save face like an ordinary person. I didn’t normally dare to send forth righteous thoughts openly, but on that very day, I sent righteous thoughts openly and helped my husband’s niece quit the Young Pioneers. The scene was peaceful, and my mother-in-law was very supportive.

After sharing with other practitioners again, I realized that I should have helped clear up after dinner that day, and I should apologize to my mother-in-law for causing them trouble. I understood that nothing happens by chance for a cultivator. If a Dafa practitioner had cultivated well, he or she would not have been beaten or scolded. We all have areas where we need to cultivate our xinxing. When something happens, we need to think more about the reasons, and then we can always find the root cause.

Because my husband and I lived apart for so long, we had built up a distrust of each other. My indifference to my husband, coupled with my daily absence and lack of companionship with him, made him think that I’d had an affair. After realizing this, I took better care of him and helped him feel the warmth of family. I used to dislike his snoring when he slept, but now that my xinxing has improved and I truly care about him, his snoring no longer affects my sleep. I would accompany him to the nursing home to visit his uncle, and I would take meticulous care of his uncle. Others thought that I was his niece, and he was also proud when others praised me. Gradually, my husband’s suspicions of me were dispelled and he began to support me in going out to study the Fa.

I actively participated in doing the exercises in the morning. Before, I was unable to calm down when doing the sitting meditation, but now I can do it for 50 minutes in tranquility. I can calm down when studying the Fa, and the Fa principles enter my heart. The Fa principles are immediately revealed to me, and I understand why Master asks us to study the Fa more.

As a Dafa practitioner, I cannot slack off and must always remember that I am a cultivator. I should practice patience and forbearance in front of my children, respect my elders, correct my mistakes immediately, find my shortcomings in everything, and pay attention to cultivating speech—because sometimes the problem comes from one’s mouth.

A few days ago, I saw photos of the pupils in my child’s kindergarten class with the red CCP flag superimposed on their faces. I told the teacher about the CCP’s crimes against Falun Dafa, and the teacher took down my child’s photo. I realized that I needed to clarify the truth to the head of the kindergarten and have them destroy all such photos. This is the direction I will work hard on in the future.

Thank you, Master, for saving me!