Returning to Cultivation After Being Lost for a Long Time

(Minghui.org) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!

I am 40 years old this year. I was fortunate enough to begin cultivating Falun Dafa in 2001 when I was a freshman in high school. However, I gave it up midway through my sophomore year of college at the end of 2005. I wasted the next 17 years and only returned to cultivation in 2023.

I sincerely thank our compassionate Master for giving me another opportunity to cultivate. The following are my cultivation experiences.

Obtaining the Fa

I had no interest in studying when I was in middle school. I was only interested in sports and games, and I was particularly obsessed with one popular game. Back then, if I didn’t play a game before bed, it felt like something was missing. What my parents said to me most often was, “Go read a book. Study the Fa for a while.”

After graduating from middle school, I decided to pursue Taekwondo as my future career path, so I chose a vocational high school that didn’t have evening self-study sessions. When I enrolled, Falun Gong was one of the school’s extracurricular activities. At the time, I couldn’t explain why, but I was drawn to it and chose Falun Gong from among the many clubs.

I’d never been interested in books, but, strangely, I really wanted to read Falun Dafa books. I went to a nearby bookstore and bought a copy of Zhuan Falun and Master’s other lectures, even before a teacher at school who practiced Falun Dafa told me to study the the teachings. That’s how I began practicing Dafa during high school for three years.

So that I could study the Fa more, in addition to reading the books in my spare time, I listened to Master’s audio lectures from Guangzhou on my two-hour commute to and from school. During that time, I realized that cultivation is a process of eliminating attachments and that cultivators should be good people in any situation. Since I was a student, I should do well in my studies, so I gave up games, focused on my studies, was always the top student in my class, and became a model student.

I used to argue with my brother, who is two years older than me, over using the computer. After I started practicing Falun Gong, I learned to compromise, and we got along better.

I was admitted to a university in South Chungcheong Province after high school and went to a nearby practice site, where I studied the Fa and did the exercises with other practitioners. On weekends, I participated in different truth-clarification activities, such as distributing leaflets, helping to rescue arrested Chinese practitioners, and participating in torture reenactments. That period of time, though short, was very precious to me.

However, I viewed the world from a narrow perspective and harbored an extreme black-and-white mindset, and I seemed to see Dafa as merely a minor way or path. If If I watched just one episode of a TV series, I felt as if I had deviated from the state of a cultivator, my righteous thoughts would be weakened, and I would have a strong sense of guilt.

The South Korean soccer team entered the final four in the 2002 World Cup. I considered watching TV and the feeling of joy if we won as attachments, so I didn’t watch the World Cup.

At that time, I mistakenly thought that my cultivation had reached a very high level, and I was even a little complacent.

Going Back to Being an Everyday Person

After I went to university, I encountered a difficult obstacle in my cultivation: the emptiness and loneliness after I slacked off in cultivation, as well as the upcoming issue of enlisting in the army. University classes offer flexible schedules and a lot of free time, but I didn’t make good use of it. As a result, my free time became a huge challenge.

When I realized I had slacked off, a strong sense of emptiness and loneliness welled up inside me. I gradually became passive and even felt that I was no longer qualified to be a cultivator. I often said to a fellow practitioner that I felt like I was no longer worthy of cultivating.

Near the end of 2005, I sat watching the sunset, feeling that cultivation was incredibly difficult. I longed to be like my friends, carefree and enjoying themselves.

I still remember the moment I accepted that thought. The old forces’ arrangement was quite obvious, but I was lax in my Fa study and lacked the righteous thoughts to reject that idea.

I later took a leave of absence from school to prepare to enlist in the army and slowly drifted away from cultivation, falling into the great dye vat of secular life. Without a sense of self-discipline, I mistakenly believed that life was easy and carefree, and my selfishness and fear of being taken advantage of grew stronger.

It is truly difficult to advance in cultivation, but falling can happen in an instant.

I was looking for a part-time job to earn some pocket money in the months leading up to my enlistment, but the only openings required a commitment of a minimum of six months. I lied and said I could work for six months, but the day I received my third month’s paycheck, I made a big mistake: I quit without saying a word and didn’t even tell my boss.

Retribution came quickly. One evening, I started having stomach pain, with sharp pains every three seconds. This went on until the early hours of the next day. When the pain became unbearable, I wanted to ask Master for help, but I was too ashamed. Instead, I went to an emergency room and was diagnosed with acute appendicitis. They operated on me immediately. This was the first time I had ever been hospitalized.

Addicted to Speculating in Stocks

After leaving the military, I began to pursue fame, fortune, and lust. My desire for gain grew stronger and stronger, and my salary alone could no longer satisfy my desires, so I started investing in stocks.

Stocks became an extremely important part of my life; I could hardly keep from looking at the market. However, I lost money every time I bought or sold. I wanted to make back my principal, but I sunk deeper into the mire.

I became increasingly greedy. Driven by repeated losses and stress, I sought high-risk, high-return stocks. I ultimately invested all my savings and loans in a biotech stock that was rumored to be nearing completion of a phase III clinical trial for diabetes. But reality proved harsh. After news of the trial’s failure broke, the stock plummeted for the next two days. I was forced to liquidate due to insufficient margins. This plunged me into near bankruptcy.

I was devastated and even thought about jumping out of a moving car. But in the end, I knelt before my parents, crying and begging them to lend me money using their house as collateral. It barely saved me from bankruptcy.

After that, whenever I lay down to sleep and closed my eyes, I thought of my debts and the mortgage on my parents’ house. The pressure caused me immense pain.

I later came across something even worse than stocks: cryptocurrency (Bitcoin). Stocks have opening and closing times, but the cryptocurrency market operates 24 hours a day, and there are extreme price fluctuations.

I transferred all my remaining funds into cryptocurrency. Early on, I surprisingly gained a return of 30 times my initial investment and instantly paid off my parents’ debts. After that, greed resurfaced. The initial thought that I would “be content as long as the debts are paid off” vanished.

I had nearly a billion South Korean won in my hands, and my mind was filled with greedy thoughts like, “If it doubles again, I’ll have two billion won, and then I can take a vacation and tour the world.” I completely ignored advice from people around me to “stop now.”

Master said,

“...the more selfish he becomes; the more he wants to possess, the further away he moves from the characteristic of the universe. He then heads for destruction.” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)

Ultimately, with the market downturn, I lost everything. I even foolishly used my overdraft account again, eventually ending up back in debt.

Returning to Cultivation

To make matters worse, I was diagnosed with a herniated cervical disc and needed to be hospitalized. This filled me with despair. Was I destined to live like this forever? I felt a profound emptiness about life, and I realized that all of this was retribution for my greed.

In my desperation, I remembered Falun Gong, which I had practiced in the past, and was certain that cultivation was the right path. I had actually tried to resume cultivation in 2010, but I had lacked righteous thoughts and had given up after less than a month. This time was different. Since I’d experienced so much, life’s unpredictability and illusions had been etched in my heart, making me understand the preciousness of Dafa even more.

I happened to visit Minghui.org and saw Master’s new article “Cultivation in Dafa is Serious” published in September 2023, and these passages in particular touched me:

“When you first stepped into Dafa, you had already used your life to sign a contract. No matter how old or young you were, or how much time has passed, making a vow is serious. In other words, for those who say they have stopped cultivating, and those who have left Dafa whether in the early days or recently, you still have to fulfill your vow whether you cultivate or not.”

“In regard to these people, out of mercy, Master is explaining the Fa to you once more, and for the last time. As to where you will end up, you look out for yourself!” (“Cultivation in Dafa Is Serious”)

The phrase, “As to where you will end up, you look out for yourself!” really made an impact on me. I knew that compassionate Master was reminding me, this foolish and lost disciple, that I still had the opportunity to cultivate.

I made up my mind to return to cultivation.

I listened to Master’s Fa teachings in Guangzhou and practiced the exercises for a month on my own. After that, I found a nearby practice site and joined a Fa study group.

Although I had given up cultivation at one point, I knew very well that it was because I hadn’t done well enough. Dafa and Master were the most righteous, and I have always respected Dafa and Master. I didn’t discard any Dafa books or materials; I kept them neatly in my bookshelf. I think it was because of this that I was able to return to cultivation.

After starting to cultivate anew, by studying the Fa and doing the exercises, I regained inner peace and a healthy body.

I had cultivated when I was a teenager. At that time, I was in good health and didn’t have any physical complaints. But as an adult burdened with karma, I could clearly feel the changes in my body when ailments such as cervical disc issues and recurring tonsillitis disappeared.

Letting Go of My Addictions to Stocks and Cryptocurrency

I had hardly ever stopped speculating. After I resumed cultivation, although I tried my best to study the Fa and do the exercises, I found it difficult to let go of my attachment to cryptocurrency and stocks. Completely giving them up was as difficult as a life-or-death test.

I started making excuses for myself, thinking, “As long as I stop buying and selling so frequently and don’t get too tempted, isn’t that a form of self-control? If I could just give it up completely right now, wouldn’t I be divine?”

I traded 10 times less frequently than before, but I didn’t completely quit. Afterward, the value of my holdings slowly recovered, almost enough to pay off all my debts.

However, I found another, seemingly reasonable excuse for my greedy thoughts: “If I sell now, I’ll have nothing left. I’ll wait until it goes up a little more before selling, so I can settle down, buy a house, and live a normal life.”

I had been cultivating again for eight months, but I had not taken that crucial step, and my heart was still conflicted and uneasy.

After returning home from group Fa study one day, I opened Minghui.org and saw an article titled “The Risks of Digital Currencies to Our Society.” The moment I read the title, it felt as if I had been stabbed in the heart, and it started to pound wildly. A notice had originally been published by the Minghui Editorial Board on July 5, 2018. I felt as if it were a final reminder from compassionate Master, letting me choose whether or not to become a true cultivator.

The notice had said that Dafa disciples must not participate in such activities and that those who violate the notice are sabotaging the Fa.

When I finally made up my mind to let go of cryptocurrency, I felt a burning sensation all over my body, as if that attachment was making a last-gasp effort to keep from being eliminated. That night, I thought for a long time and finally made up my mind before I went to sleep to completely quit cryptocurrency trading.

However, the decision to let go was due more to seeing the “must not participate” warning than truly eliminating the attachment to gain and profit.

My job involves researching the semiconductor industry and corporate trends. Observing corporate performances and stock price movements is part of my daily work, so stocks are still frequently in my view. About two months later, my resolve to give up cryptocurrency began to waver, and I started to get tempted again when I saw stock quotes.

I had worked for a large company for more than 10 years, yet I had almost no savings and was still renting a tiny room. I felt I shouldn’t be living like this: “Cultivators should also conform to the realities of ordinary society. If I’m too poor, others will misunderstand Dafa. Maybe I should save more money.”

I thought to myself, “If I don’t borrow money, stop being greedy, and only use my own money to invest in good companies that create value for society, there shouldn’t be any problem, right?” So I started looking into stocks again.

I knew this was not right, but at the same time, I continued to look at stock prices until compassionate Master awakened me once again in a dream.

In the dream, the stock market was soaring. I thought, “Oh, I should have bought that stock. Why didn’t I?” So I bought that stock. As the price soared, I felt a surge of excitement: “That’s right, I bought the right one!” But in that instant of joy, everything suddenly collapsed and vanished.

During a group Fa study, a practitioner said that “… it must be clearly understood from the Fa perspective.” This statement deeply resonated with me. I realized that all material benefits are actually earned through one’s virtue. If I sold my stocks at a high price, someone else would inevitably have to buy them. The thought made me feel that this was not virtuous, so I sold all my stocks and bowed out of the stock market completely.

A few days later, the stock rose to its daily limit due to positive news, but my first thought was, “Great, I sold it before that. Otherwise, I would have exchanged my precious virtue for money.” After truly understanding the Fa principles, I finally let go of my attachment to stocks, cryptocurrencies, and other forms of gain and profit.

Cherishing the Group Cultivation Environment

Master said,

“A person is like a container, and he is whatever he contains.”(“Melt Into the Fa,” Essentials For Further Advancement)

I understand the meaning of this passage. I am surrounded by all sorts of worldly things at work every day, so it is not easy to maintain a righteous mind. Studying the Fa and practicing the exercises together is very precious to me, especially the twice a week group Fa study.

I sometimes feel tired and want to rest after getting off work. But I always tell myself, “Even if a knife is held to my throat, I must go study the Fa.” Once the thought is firm, the mental distractions disappear. Sometimes my stomach aches slightly before I leave home, but the pain disappears as soon as I arrive at the Fa study site. This has happened several times.

I often spend my weekends and holidays promoting the Fa and clarifying the truth. I hope to contribute to the overall effort, although mine is just a small one.

Master saw my heart and made it possible for me to participate in several projects in a short period of time, such as clarifying the truth to tourists on a Chinese cruise ship, serving as the host at the screening of the film Letter from Masanjia, working as a bus security guard and staff member during Shen Yun performances, and being interviewed at a “July 20” event.

Each of these activities contained elements of cultivation: Some helped me overcome fear, some helped me let go of reluctance, and some taught me patience. Every moment was a process of cultivation, and valuable experiences were gained through the activities.

Concluding Remarks

I returned to cultivation three years ago, but I still have many attachments, such as the desire to show off, the desire for comfort, lust, joy, and resentment, and I have many human notions. Even so, I am still willing to share my past experiences with fellow practitioners, hoping that, through my sharing, those who have not yet let go of their attachment to stocks, cryptocurrencies, and other property, as well as those who have left cultivation, can return to Dafa. If it can help someone else in some way, I will be content.

Time flies by, and that makes me anxious. I feel guilty about the mistakes I’ve made and regret the time I wasted. But I know that these are also human attachments that I should let go of.

Master said,

“Of course, this undertaking hasn’t been completed yet, Fa-rectification hasn’t been concluded, so there’s still a chance for you to do well again. Indeed, as long as there’s still one day when the persecution hasn’t ended, that day is an opportunity.” (Teachings From a Tour of North America)

I spend each day with a grateful heart, and I will strive to walk the remaining journey of cultivation well.

Thank you, Master. Thank you, fellow practitioners

Heshi

(Presented at the 2025 South Korea Falun Dafa Cultivation Experience Exchange Conference)