New Practitioner: Letting Go of Resentment After Learning to Look Within

(Minghui.org)Greetings, Master!Greetings, fellow practitioners!

I began practicing Falun Dafa in 2022.

Master Brought Dafa to My Doorstep

I saw a large banner one day that read: “Falun Gong cultivates both mind and body, cures diseases and improves health, and has an outstanding effect on enhancing immunity,” when I walked by the river near our apartment buildings. Because I usually pay great attention to my health, I casually picked up a pamphlet from under the banner and put it in my bag.

The practitioners who were doing the exercises there were blocked by the banner, so I didn’t see them and didn’t know that the place was a Falun Gong practice site. If I had known it was a practice site, given my personality of caring a lot about what others think, I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to practice in such a busy place. I wouldn’t have taken that brochure, let alone contacted practitioners to learn more about the practice.

The practice site is flanked by riverbanks and surrounded by apartment buildings. One side is a pedestrian walkway, and the other a bike path; the practice site is situated between these two paths. Residents often exercise there. For someone who had just started practicing Falun Gong, it took a lot of courage to practice the exercises in such a crowded place. So the first time I did the exercises, because I was worried that someone I knew would see me, I told the instructor that I wouldn’t practice at the practice site. So on the first day, I found a quiet place to do the exercises by myself.

I later realized: Master intentionally arranged for me not to see the practitioners doing the exercises at first because I was too timid. Thank you, Master, for your arrangement.

A few days later, I found the pamphlet in my bag and read it. I read many stories of practitioners who had regained their physical and mental health through practicing Falun Gong, and this deeply attracted me. At that time, I was exhausted both physically and mentally. Five years after my first surgery for thyroid cancer, the cancer recurred, requiring a second surgery. After the surgery, I suffered from chronic fatigue, so I was particularly concerned about my health.

I contacted the local person in charge and sent a text message inquiring about the location of the practice site. I received a reply the next day, and that same day I met with the person in charge in his office, where he introduced me to many aspects of cultivation. However, I knew absolutely nothing about Falun Gong at that time and did not know what cultivation or qigong was. I was skeptical and somewhat worried, and I couldn’t understand what he was saying at all; I just felt very confused.

Afterward, the practitioner taught me the exercises, and we agreed to meet at the practice site on Monday. As I was about to leave, he handed me a book and said, “Take a look at it when you get home.” It was then that I realized that cultivation not only involves practicing exercises but also reading a book. That’s how I received the precious book Zhuan Falun on May 7, 2022. I later understood how fortunate I was that day.

Even more miraculously, the practice site is only a 15-minute walk from my home, and the Fa-study site is 30-minute bike ride from my home. Soon after, a new bus route to the Fa-study site was added with a stop near my house. It all seemed as if Master had specially delivered Dafa to my doorstep, as I am someone who doesn’t drive. Thank you, Master!

Embarking on the Journey of Cultivation Practice

I enjoy reading, and when I read Zhuan Falun, I didn’t feel any aversion. However, many of the terms in the book were unfamiliar or I had never heard of them before. Having never believed in divine beings, I couldn’t understand the various extraordinary phenomena I encountered during cultivation, but I firmly believed that this was the Buddha’s teaching. I believed that as long as one cultivates according to Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance, one can become kind. At the same time, I learned the exercises, thus embarking on the path of cultivation.

Initially, I could only sit in the half lotus position. I started by sitting for 20 or 30 minutes, gradually increasing the time until I could practice for an hour. After six months, I was finally able to sit in the full lotus position. Because I knew that the pain in my legs was repaying karmic debts accumulated over lifetimes, I endured and persevered with a repentant heart. After learning that there were group Fa study sessions every Monday and Wednesday, I never missed one.

Fellow practitioners often mentioned the “Fa-rectification period” and the “Fa-rectification of the human world period.” At the time, although I didn’t quite understand the specific meaning of these terms, I could feel that the time for cultivation was very pressing. I often thought, how wonderful it would have been if I could have obtained the Fa earlier! But on the other hand, I also wondered what virtue I had accumulated and what predestined relationship I had formed to encounter this once-in-a-millennium Dafa! Therefore, whenever I had time, I would study the Fa with the fellow practitioner who had introduced me to the Fa. Sometimes we would meet to study the Fa, and sometimes after the group Fa study on Sundays, we would stay and read one more lecture. During that time, it was as if I was being drawn to something, looking forward to every Fa study day, and Fa study time became my happiest time. Like being slowly soaked by drizzle, I gradually assimilated to Dafa, and the Fa seeped into my heart little by little.

During this period of time, I discovered an indescribable change in my character. In the past, I had considered myself a decent person; I rarely spoke ill of others and never did anything that violated social morality. I considered myself a “fairly good person.” After studying the Fa, I realized that my past values were actually wrong since my heart was filled with the pursuit of fame, fortune, desires, and various attachments. I finally understood that all the conflicts and setbacks I had encountered over the years were due to my own actions, and I began to reflect on myself and look within.

About three months into my practice, I found myself involuntarily shedding tears while practicing meditation. Tears would stream down my face every time I meditated; my eyes would often well up with tears when studying the Fa, and sometimes I would even choke up and be unable to continue reading. For five whole months, I was enveloped by indescribable emotion and shed countless tears.

Master Cleansed My Body

I was preparing dinner in the kitchen one day about eight months after I obtained the Fa, when I coughed and felt something rising in my throat. I ran to the toilet, spat it onto a piece of paper, and saw that it was a red blood clot. I spat several more blood clots into the toilet. I tried to calm myself down and compose myself. I realized that Master was cleansing my body. I thanked Master repeatedly in my mind.

My husband happened to come home from work. He asked me what had happened. I just casually said nothing. I didn’t tell him because he didn’t practice Falun Gong, and he probably wouldn’t have understood and would have taken me to the hospital.

I am rather slow to perceive things. I’ve heard many practitioners say that they could see or feel things when they first started cultivating, but I didn’t feel anything. So I often wondered: Am I really Master’s disciple? Do I really have a Falun inside me? Is Master really watching over me? That day, Master used this method to let me experience it firsthand: I am indeed a Dafa disciple, and Master is truly watching over me. Thank you, Master!

I Will Persevere to the End

One day in the ninth month of my practice, while doing the fifth exercise, my knees began to feel tight and tremble. A few days later, the trembling became more intense. I discussed this with several practitioners, but no one knew the reason. Later, even my arms began to tremble, and as time went on, the trembling became more severe.

When I did the “Bodhisattva Placing Hands on Lotus” posture during the first exercise, my arms and knees kept swaying wildly from side to side; when I clasped my hands together over my lower abdomen, they trembled so much that they made a whooshing sound. I tried hard to control my body from shaking, but when I tried to control my lower body, my upper body shook; when I tried to control my upper body, my lower body shook. When I did “Conjoining the Hands,” my arms would sway from side to side, moving and shaking incessantly. I took pictures with my phone and shared them with fellow practitioners, but no one could explain what was happening.

I didn’t know if this phenomenon was good or bad, nor did I know if I needed to suppress it. After about a month of this shaking, one day a thought flashed through my mind: “No matter how much I shake, I will not give up my cultivation. I will persevere to the end!” I went to the practice site with the firm thought that “I will definitely not shake anymore.” As a result, my body only shook slightly. The next day a miracle happened: I didn’t shake at all.

Master said,

“If you practice qigong and achieve the Tao, what about those unpaid debts you owe others? They will not allow it, so they will not let you practice qigong.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)

That day, I personally experienced this principle of the Fa.

When I talked with fellow practitioners before this, they didn’t know why I was shaking. I’ve now realized that I need to overcome some things myself, instead of having someone else tell me what to do. In cultivation, everyone faces different difficulties and challenges, and the paths we take are different. There are no ready-made role models to imitate. Everyone must overcome their challenges on their own.

After this experience, I deeply realized that cultivation is different from worldly learning and accumulating knowledge. It is a lonely path that must be understood and cultivated alone. I felt lost and depressed for a period of time, but I did not stop. Instead, I continued to read Master’s other Fa teachings from different regions and new scriptures, and I also read practitioners’ cultivation experience sharing on Minghui.org. I gradually broadened my understanding of the Fa and shifted from having emotional thinking to gaining a rational understanding of Dafa.

Looking Inward and Letting Go of Resentment

I had a deep hatred for one person and often confided in acquaintances to justify my position. But the more I resented and hated this person, the more tormented and miserable I became.

Master said,

“… when you take a step back in a conflict, you will find the seas and the skies boundless” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)

I understood that cultivation is a process of improving one’s character, and one cannot cultivate while harboring resentment. Perhaps in a past life I had treated that person even worse. I’ve determined to let go of this resentment, but no matter how I thought about it, I felt that I was not wrong, and the idea of “forgiving” the other person made me feel extremely wronged.

Because I found it so hard to let go of this resentment, I asked Master, “Master, I don’t know what I did in my past life. I am just an ignorant and insignificant human being. Why do you want me to have the heart of a god?” A surge of feeling wronged welled up in my throat, and I burst into heart-wrenching sobs. Even I was shocked to see myself cry like that. I couldn’t help but wonder how much resentment had I suppressed to lead to such a reaction? After sobbing, I felt relieved and liberated.

I looked inward to search for the origin of this resentment. I discovered that this resentment stemmed from a heart that craves the approval of others. Wanting approval means seeking rewards; it’s seeking affirmation and praise from others for one’s actions, or seeking compensation or reward. When one doesn’t receive approval, one feels wronged and disappointed, and over time, this accumulates into resentment.

Where does the “disappointment” come from? It comes from emotion. Resentment, hatred, grievances, and the desire for affirmation all come from emotion. I finally understood why Master has repeatedly told us to rid ourselves of emotion.

“Perhaps I truly owed the person a great debt in my past life, and I should repay it in this life,” I thought. After truly understanding this, my resentment gradually faded, and my heart became much calmer. Although resentment still arises sometimes, I know the old forces are testing me by using my remaining attachments, so I immediately send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it.

Without practicing Dafa, how could I have let go of my resentment? I’m afraid I would still be unknowingly creating karma, living my life in a daze. Now, as a cultivator, I must cultivate compassion and treat that person with kindness.

Promoting Falun Dafa

One day, a practitioner said to me, “Today we were going to hand out the Minghui Weekly. You can just watch from the sidelines.” Although I had read the Minghui Weekly and seen it at the Fa-study site, I had never handed out it before. As a new practitioner, I didn’t know that I was responsible for distributing it, nor did I understand what “Promoting the Fa” meant.

Although it was my first time, I didn’t feel embarrassed at all. From that day on, I began promoting the Fa and have persisted ever since. Our area has a lot of government offices, so I used my lunch break to go with fellow practitioners to distribute the Minghui Weekly to various departments.

I believe that the Minghui Weekly should not be distributed casually like ordinary commercial advertisements; it must be done with sincerity. Therefore, I always respectfully say, “Good afternoon, sir” and then hand over the pamphlet. If the recipient accepts it, I will say, “Thank you! Please be sure to read it!” This way, the recipient will take it seriously. Some people not only accept it politely but also say, “Thank you.”

Promoting the Fa is one of the “three things” Master has asked us to do, and it is an important one. So I decided to distribute the Minghui Weekly on my own. I couldn’t drive, so I rode my bicycle and started from the residential area near my home, delivering the Minghui Weekly to every household. I finished distributing it to all the neighborhoods near and far within a few days. I was initially worried about what would happen if I ran into a homeowner, but when I did I just smiled and said, “Good day! I’ve left some materials here. Please take a look when you have time!” and then I left naturally.

Once, I had a very short dream. In it, I had one foot on the shore and the other on the bow of a boat, reaching out to pull people onto the boat one by one. But I woke up after I had only pulled a handful of people aboard. I felt a deep sense of regret and couldn’t forget it for a long time. I understood that this dream might be a reminder that I hadn’t saved enough people and needed to spread the Fa more. So I became even more proactive in distributing materials.

Not long ago, a new flier about forced organ harvesting was published. I felt this was extremely important; more people should know about forced organ harvesting, the world should understand the truth, the China Communist Party’s (CCP) evil deeds should be stopped, and a normal cultivation environment should be provided for fellow practitioners in China. Therefore, I distributed the materials even more attentively. I would say, “How do you do! This leaflet is about human rights issues; please be sure to read the contents!” Some people initially just casually accepted the leaflets, but when they heard my words, they flipped through the leaflet and discussed the CCP’s persecution with their companions as they walked away.

Some people would come back to get fliers, and some would mutter to themselves as they walked away, “What can we do about it?” Some would ask me, “Is the persecution still going on?” and then say, “Thank you for your hard work!”

Although the time spent handing over a flier is very short, I have found that saying just one more sincere word makes the other person more willing to accept them. And I always genuinely thank the people who accept the materials.

I’ve also noticed that younger people are less willing to accept flyers. I think they are more lost in this corrupt world, and I feel sorry for them. When people refuse flyers, I don’t mind; I always respond with a smile. Because I know that my every action represents the image of Falun Dafa.

When many people refuse to accept flyers, I silently repeat in my heart, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good,” and remind myself that I am saving sentient beings. I adjust my mindset and continue distributing the materials.

When I was writing this article, Minghui.org published a comment made by Master.

Master said,

“Dafa disciples have the responsibility of saving people, and it is your mission to get the truth out.” (“On Listening to Rumors (with Master’s Comment)”)

Conclusion

When I first obtained the Fa, a fellow practitioner said to me, “You are so lucky to have caught the last bus.” I was indeed running forward non-stop in cultivation practice, almost without taking a breath, just like I was trying to board the last bus that was about to leave.

However, the more I study Dafa, the more I realize how difficult cultivation is. Sometimes, due to a lack of faith in the Fa, I have doubted myself: “Is the path I’m on really right? Can I really cultivate to the end?” This made me lazy and slack off. Sometimes I was surrounded by an invisible sense of powerlessness, making it impossible to be diligent. I know I still have many attachments to eliminate; I will clear away these negative notions through more Fa study.

I felt as if I were walking in a fog when I first obtained the Fa. I now know the direction I should take, as I have understood who Master is, what Master is doing, what kind of people Master hopes we will become, as well as where I came from, why I came into this world, what I should do, and where my destination is. All of these are clear to me now.

Dafa is solemn and beautiful; cultivation is serious and arduous. I will closely follow the whole body of practitioners, assimilate to Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance, and walk the cultivation path arranged by Master with unwavering dedication.

Everything I have experienced in my cultivation, including the joy of attaining the truth and the gratitude in my heart for Master, cannot be fully expressed in these few pages. I have endless gratitude for Master’s compassionate salvation!

Thank you, Master.Thank you, fellow practitioners.

Heshi

(Presented at the 2025 South Korea Falun Dafa Cultivation Experience Exchange Conference)