Looking Inward and Recognizing Human Notions

(Minghui.org) I have practiced Falun Dafa for 25 years. Thanks to Master’s compassion and protection, I have walked on my cultivation path up to today. I’d like to share how I’ve looked within on my cultivation journey.

Looking Inward Promptly and Recognizing Human Notions

My husband didn’t come home from work for lunch one winter day several years ago. When I called him, he said that he was having his car repaired at a garage. He said he’d hit a guardrail on a highway ramp and broke the right headlight. He was not injured but it would cost a few hundred yuan to replace the headlight.

Why did that happen? I thought it must be something related to me although it happened to my husband. I thought it over and tried to find out why it occurred. Several days before, a colleague caught a ride home with us. She said that my husband was a careful driver and asked if we’d ever had a car accident. My husband said, “I drive safely. I don’t hit others if other people don’t hit me. We’ve have never had an accident.”

Hearing this, I thought to myself, “You are showing off. The more you talk about it, the more likely you will have an accident in the future.” I didn’t realize at the time that this was my bad notion. I didn’t negate it and was taken advantage of by the evil that brought us the trouble that day. I was shocked by my realization. Cultivation is indeed serious.

My husband came home shortly thereafter. He told me that he didn’t pay a penny because the repairman took a used headlight from a scrapped car and put it in our car. He didn’t have new headlights and it would take several days for the part to come. If we wanted a new one, we could go back to replace the used one.

I felt warm in my heart. Thank you, Master! It’s just like what Master said,

“Cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one’s master. It is good enough if you have this wish. It is the master who actually does this, as you are simply unable to do it.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)

As long as I listen to Master and look within, I believe that Master will give me the best and not let me lose anything. Through this incident, I realized that I need to think from a cultivator’s perspective, not a human one. When I come across things, I need look within to find my issues, human notions that I am not aware of, and human attachments. I can make breakthroughs, leave humanness behind, and walk towards Godhood.

On the other hand, if I think in a human way when I have issues, I would have thought the accident was caused by the slippery road due to the cold weather. I would’ve missed the opportunity to get rid of human notions and missed the opportunity Master had arranged for me to improve. I would have held onto that human notion that entangled me.

Looking Inward More Carefully and Letting Go of Grievances Towards My Husband

I didn’t cultivate well on the issue of how I treated my husband even though I had cultivated for over 20 years. I looked after him in daily life, but I had strong bias against him. I didn’t behave like a practitioner or adhere to Falun Dafa’s principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance in this regard. Instead, I developed many attachments that I was unaware of.

One day I argued with him over a trivial matter again. I raked him over the coals and didn’t maintain my xinxing. I really regretted it later on. I knew it was an opportunity for me to improve, but I didn’t grasp it and failed the test. I felt sad and helpless. I knew I had to look within to find my attachments. Why didn’t I behave righteously towards my husband? Why couldn’t I speak to him kindly and patiently? I had to change myself.

I looked inwardly carefully and found the following attachments:

1. A strong attachment to myself. I was arrogant and ordered him around, and breathed down his neck for things small and large. I was unhappy when he didn’t listen to me. I had strong elements of the Chinese Communist Party culture.

2. A tendency to complain. I found fault with him for not cultivating diligently and for not being able to bear hardships. I thought that his attitude towards Falun Dafa was not upright. I was not happy that he spent too much time playing on his cellphone and listening to audio novels.

3. Dissatisfaction. I disliked my husband for not being tidy, for not knowing how to speak or handle things and for being lazy.

I competed with him and always tried to prove that I was right about everything. I was not tolerant of him or kind to him. I was not balanced in my heart when he was hired by his previous company again after he retired and got busy. I am retired, but I had to stay at home and cook for him every day. I was jealous of him. I always wanted to change him but never thought of changing myself. I just did what the old forces would do. I felt ashamed of myself when I realized my attachments.

Actually, my husband has many good qualities. He is kindhearted and treats people honestly and with compassion. As a professor, he has a good pension and is very good to me. He carefully looked after my father until he passed away at the age of 89. He did what a son normally does for his own father. He has been by my side for over 20 years, through thick and thin, and never complains. He resisted the police’s harassment after I lodged a complaint against Jiang Zemin for starting the persecution. He even started practicing Falun Dafa four years ago.

I always looked at his shortcomings and was oblivious to his good qualities. Going forward I must change myself, change the way I talk to him, and look inward. I shouldn’t scold him or complain about him. I should be grateful to him, treat him kindly, and cherish our affinity as a couple. I should cherish our affinity as Falun Dafa practitioners more, cultivate diligently, and follow Master to return to my original home.

This is my cultivation experience. Please kindly point out anything that is not in line with the Fa.