The Importance of Looking Inward During Conflicts

(Minghui.org) I made dumplings for dinner last October. There were extra, so I called my oldest daughter who was recovering from an illness, and invited her to come and eat some. Shortly after she arrived, her husband called. My daughter told him jokingly that she would spend the night at my house. Her husband came to pick her up, so she ate one dumpling and took the rest home.

As soon as she left, my husband called me from work and told me that my daughter’s mother-in-law called him to complain about me, saying that I only invited my daughter to eat dumplings but did not invite my son-in-law and grandchildren. I told my husband to explain to her that I just wanted my daughter to come over and relax for a while. I was worried about my daughter’s health, and no one needed to overthink the situation.

My husband was unhappy when he came home. He said if I invited my son-in-law and grandchildren, his mother wouldn’t be angry with me. After listening to some unpleasant comments from my husband, I felt I was treated unfairly. I thought there were just a few dumplings left so how could I invite all of them to eat? My fighting mentality surfaced. I asked my husband, “Why are you afraid of her (my daughter’s mother-in-law)? Why don’t you explain the situation?” My resentment also rose, so I complained that my son-in-law was useless and he told his mother everything which complicated issues. I was angry for two days, and completely forgot that I’m a practitioner. 

I finally remembered what Master said:

“... from now on when you come across a conflict you should not consider it a coincidence. This is because when a conflict occurs, it will take place unexpectedly. But that is not a coincidence—it is for improving your xinxing. As long as you treat yourself as a practitioner, you can handle it properly.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)

I calmed down and looked inward. I only asked my daughter to come and eat dumplings without thinking of my son-in-law and grandchildren. Wasn’t I selfish? I only thought about my daughter, and didn’t consider the feelings of my son-in-law and his mother.

My son-in-law works very hard and is a treasure in his mother’s eyes. I didn’t think from their point of view or consider their feelings. My behavior implied that I was discriminating and I was selfish. Cultivators should eliminate these attachments. Master taught us to be selfless, and put others before ourselves. I realized that I’m far from meeting the Fa’s (teachings) standards.

As I continued to look inward, I realized that my in-law’s unpleasant comments directly exposed my desire to be praised, save face, and not be talked about by others. My complaint against my son-in-law and his mother reflected my competitive and resentful mind. At first, I felt I was misunderstood and treated unfairly. However, the incident helped me improve my xinxing. Isn’t it a good thing? I should be grateful to my in-laws! They helped me see the shortcomings in my cultivation and reminded me to always behave like a cultivator. When encountering conflicts, I should look at myself first instead of pointing fingers at others, like an ordinary person would.

I hadn’t let go of sentiment toward my daughter. After she became ill, I always believed she had been wronged by her husband’s family, so I complained about my son-in-law. However, my daughter has her own path and no one can intervene. She must pay back what she owes, and she will get what she deserves. I should let go of sentiment toward my daughter and upgrade my thoughts to transcend human notions. Only then can I improve.

After rectifying myself with the Fa I overcame the family conflict, and the grievances in my heart disappeared. No words can express my gratitude to Master for not giving up on me when I did not do well.

From this incident, I truly realized that nothing we encounter in cultivation is trivial. Everything is carefully arranged by Master for our improvement. I must cultivate well, look inward when facing conflicts, become a true practitioner, and go home with Master.

I thank Master for His compassion, my in-laws for providing me with such a good opportunity to improve, fellow practitioners for their support, and everyone who helped me.

This is my personal understanding. Please kindly correct me I anything I’ve said is not in accordance with the Fa.