(Minghui.org) After reading Master’s two recent articles, “Stay Far Away From Peril” and “Cultivation in Dafa Is Serious,” I discovered deeply hidden attachments that I was unaware of. I’d like to share my insights with you.
One morning a thought flashed through my mind, “I practiced all five exercises. My back shouldn’t hurt.” I caught this thought and realized it was incorrect, but I didn’t dig out and examine what was behind it. When I finished reading two of Master’s recent articles that evening, I realized that we must have big problems in our cultivation. I read the articles again. Master must have dissolved the things in my mind that hindered me, and I suddenly understood what happened.
I realized that there must be something else behind my incorrect thought. I thought about it and found the root cause. I wanted to be comfortable after practicing the exercises. How many of my everyday thoughts hid similar motives? What was behind these motives?
Back in March or April this year, I decided to change my habit of not being able to get up early in the morning to do the exercises and I decided to get up early. It was a good thing that I improved in this regard. But one thought flashed through my mind at that moment: “If I am able to practice the exercises, my health will improve and my back won’t hurt.”
Sometimes when I felt I did something for Dafa, I was happy because I felt I might get more than I contributed. Some of my thoughts were, “I’ve done this well, so I will have this. If I do that well, I should have such and such.” A few years ago a practitioner told me, “I found my problem. I didn’t cultivate in the Fa. Instead I was seeking something from the Fa.”
I realized that behind my hidden attachments was the thought of seeking something from Falun Dafa like that practitioner mentioned. I had my own goals when I did things. Then what was motivating me? I wanted to gain personal benefits in life or in cultivation, such as health benefits, comfort, the improvement of my realm, and I even wanted the other practitioners to admire me.
I was at a loss after I found so many hidden attachments. Such serious issues were behind those subtle attachments. I thought I cultivated diligently, so I asked myself why I had such big problems and I deviated from the Fa. Master’s new articles gave me answer: I understood I was cultivating with, “...human attachments, human notions, and human emotions...” (“Stay Far Away From Peril”)
Many years ago, I suddenly felt that Master didn’t take care of me for some reason. I was young then and didn’t quite understand cultivation. But that moment remained in my memory. I felt so ashamed of myself whenever I remembered it. In recent years, sometimes thoughts flashed through my mind, like if I didn’t practice Falun Dafa, I would have traveled the world or done this thing or that thing. Although I negated these thoughts, I realize now that I hadn’t dug out what caused them.
When I was not diligent in cultivation, the following thought occasionally surfaced: If I’m arrested and I’m unable to bear it, I’ll give in. I thought it was because of my strong fear, but now I realize that was not the case. The issue was my motivation for cultivation. I studied the Fa with pursuit. I wanted to use Dafa and blame Master if anything went wrong. I wanted to give in to protect myself. Finding these attachments, I felt like I was not a practitioner. I was so ashamed of myself. If I didn’t expose these attachments and get rid of them, I would be in danger. I spent an entire day examining my current cultivation state and looking into the connections between those attachments.
When I was seriously cultivating myself, Master let me see the following Fa:
“Student: My demon-nature is quite strong, and the setting around me isn’t good. How should I deal with this?
Master: I think both of those things are related to your cultivation. It’s either to help you eliminate karma or to help you improve your xinxing. So you have to look at them in the right way. Some people are in terribly difficult situations, but those are guaranteed to be good for you, since you are cultivators. The reason you think they aren’t good for you is that you haven’t shed your human side. You feel that you are being treated unfairly, and you think that this person shouldn’t treat you like this, and instead he should treat you better. Yet from a practitioner’s perspective, if everyone treated you so well, how would you cultivate? How would your attachments be exposed? How would you improve? How would you eliminate karma? Isn’t that the question? So you shouldn’t have a resentful or resistant attitude when you encounter challenges like these. You have to look at them in the right way since you are a cultivator. I am different from you; if anyone treats me like that, or anyone treats Dafa like that, that is evil doing harm to the Fa-rectification.” (Teachings at the Conference in New Zealand)
I viewed cultivation with a human heart and I wanted to get various benefits from Dafa. When I couldn’t get them, or things didn’t turn out as I expected, I had doubts and even resentment. Now I understand why I had such resentment. I did everything with a goal and I complained when my purpose was not fulfilled. Cultivation is letting go of attachments. I was seeking something from the Fa, which is the exact opposite of cultivation. Selfishness and an attachment to myself was behind my pursuit.
The principles in cultivation are opposite of the ways of the human world. Suffering and hardships are good things and help us improve our xinxing. My notions remained human notions and I hadn’t changed. I regarded suffering as a bad thing and pushed it away. I could take small hardships but developed doubts and resentment when there were big tribulations. I felt content when I did something for Dafa and felt like I was a bit more diligent in cultivation. I slacked off in cultivation due to my heart of seeking comfort. When I understood cultivation with a human heart and human emotion, I was in a human realm, not in the Fa.
I also like to share my experience of how Master helped dissolve my karma. I had symptoms of COVID at the end of last year. I had a high fever for three consecutive days and felt terrible. In the beginning, I was determined to pass the test. But in the end I gave up. I felt sad and defeated. I became slack in cultivation.
When I recovered, I found that some dirty thoughts in my mind were no longer there (I was unable to get rid of them before and they interfered with me). I was able to memorize the Fa faster. This time I truly experienced what Master said,
“Once you take up Dafa, whatever it is you encounter—good or bad—is a good thing...” (Teachings at the 2005 Conference in San Francisco)
I also experienced how compassionate Master is. I had given up during the test. But Master didn’t give up on me and still helped me. I have no words to describe how much Master cherishes me and how immense His compassion is. I also realized that although I failed the test, I suffered and bore the suffering, and Master helped dissolve karma for me.
I was like a spoiled kid who was ungrateful to the elderly relatives who selflessly took care of me. I took Master’s compassion for granted. Over those few days I realized that I should be very grateful to Master and be kind to people around me and the things that happened to me and cherish them, because they were arranged and bestowed on me by Master. They were closely related to my cultivation. I should treat them with utmost kindness.
I should really sort out the issue for myself as to why I cultivate, for whom I cultivate and how I should cultivate. It is crucial how I understand the cultivation. If my heart is in the human world, I can only be human. If my heart is in the Fa, I am a cultivator.
I have exposed my long-hidden attachments in this article to eliminate them. This is a good lesson and a warning for me to walk the remaining path well and to avoid making the same mistakes. I hope that other practitioners will learn from my experiences and rectify themselves in the Fa.
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