Looking Inward and Reminding Myself “It’s My Fault”

(Minghui.org) As I work in the medical field I routinely meet sales representatives from pharmaceutical companies. One of them is a good person. She not only understands what Falun Gong is all about, but she also tells people about the persecution. She does not accept any bribes. Her high morals are unique, especially in the current society where material gain and money are paramount. I admire her and try to help her.

Since I practice Falun Dafa (also called Falun Gong) and treat people with compassion, I have many patients. I promote the medicines available through her since they are high quality and effective. We occasionally discuss what it means to value xinxing. She introduced me to her friend who practices Buddhism, and her friend agreed that Falun Dafa’s principles are highly important.

Many pharmaceutical companies were under pressure during the pandemic. She had to promote several healthcare products, which were effective, but expensive, and she hoped I would recommend them to my patients. She tried to keep the price down and told me not to charge those who could not afford to pay. I felt that she could not make a profit by doing this. When she later told me about other new products I had to decline using them as they were too expensive.

I ran into her colleague. She said that because I took fewer medicines from them they could not meet their sales goal. I realized that she was pressuring me so they could increase sales. I suddenly exploded and said, “I helped you a lot, and didn’t ask for anything in return. It’s not my fault if you can’t fulfill your sales quota. If you would like to earn more profit, you must accumulate virtue first, rather than working among doctors; although you have done a lot of good things, you need to earn money for your career. I feel that those are attachments. Then, I gave her more advice.”

I felt something was wrong with me and I must have an attachment. When I examined myself I couldn’t find anything. I felt that I did the right thing by not promoting the expensive medications, but I still felt something was wrong. I must have a blind spot, and I couldn’t find my own problem. I realized I had to change my mindset and examine the situation from the viewpoint of “it’s my fault.”

Whenever there’s a conflict if you can take a step back, and look inward your attachments are all exposed, such as looking down on someone, arguing, insisting that I’m right, and so on.

After this experience, I began looking at conflicts from the perspective of, “It’s my fault.” I was able to identify my attachments and eliminate them. I felt that many negative substances were eliminated. I’m now relaxed and happy.

From this experience, I have learned to look at conflicts from a different perspective, and I learned to look inward and cultivate myself instead of blaming others.