Letting Go of Resentment and the Attachment of Pursuit

(Minghui.org) As a Falun Dafa cultivator, I know the attachments of pursuit and resentment are not good and need to be cultivated away. This is something I thought I had done well until recently when I discovered a deeply hidden resentment I was holding onto.

For a long time, I have had a tightness in my chest and coughed up phlegm-like stuff with an awful odor. I asked for Master’s protection and looked within, but my condition remained.

In a vivid dream one night, I saw that I was an official in the Qing Dynasty. I was interrogating someone, and, in a fit of anger, I covered the person’s mouth and nose with a towel and suffocated him to death. I was shocked and then I woke up.

It turned out that I had once created such an enormous karmic debt! If it were not for Master’s mercy and salvation in this life, I would not have been able to pay back the debt I owed from a previous life.

One day after work, my throat and nose started to hurt, and I had difficulty breathing. I was restless and could not sleep. I kept reciting, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” I tried to communicate with the beings I had hurt in the past to resolve the sickness karma, but I was still miserable.

The next day, a lot of thick yellowish phlegm came out of my nose. When I blew my nose hard, a bean-sized hard, elastic ball came out. After a while, another one came out. I felt much better.

I had had the symptoms of a stuffy nose, shortness of breath, and dizziness since high school. After I started to practice Falun Dafa, I understood it was caused by my karma.

While I was studying the Fa recently, I discovered a deep-seated resentment. I once helped someone in serious trouble and gave her shelter, clothes, and money. She is now well-off but never thanked me for what I’d done for her. I realized that I was pursuing payback and had developed resentment when I did not get it.

From then on, I realized why my attachment to resentment had not been eliminated completely—I was pursuing paybacks. I still use human notions to evaluate things. When my husband was good to me, I took it for granted since he was my husband; my daughter should respect me because I am her mother. I got upset when they objected to my suggestions or talked back to me. I forgot that, as a cultivator, everything happens for a reason—there is always a karmic reason behind it.

When I understood the Fa principle, I no longer had resentment, and the tightness in my chest was gone. Thank you, Master, for inspiring and enlightening your disciple!

This is my understanding at my level. Please kindly point out anything not in line with the Fa.