(Minghui.org) I usually knew if it was my child’s or my husband’s fault when certain things happened. However, as practitioners we know that everything happens for a reason. So, if I don’t look inward, I may be stuck in my cultivation and won’t improve. Every tribulation is a cultivation opportunity.
My daughter did not pass the college entrance exams. She insisted on trying again. I respected her wishes and encouraged her to continue her studies. She switched from attending school to staying home and taking online classes. Without the constraints of a class schedule, she got up whenever she wanted. At first I woke her up every day before I went to work, but I did not know what she did all day. Because of the pandemic lockdown, I had to stay home. Seeing her slacking off every day, I wondered if I should do more to encourage her. So I continued waking her up every day. Although she responded, she didn’t get up and I stopped calling after a few times. She woke up around 9 a.m. or 10 a.m., ate, but did nothing until noon.
How could this compare to the intensive study of her third year in high school? I talked to her but she didn’t listen. I finally told her, “I won’t wake you up from now on. You manage yourself.” In my heart I was angry. I stopped waking her up but she still got up at the same time. I wondered what I should do about her.
One day, when I asked my student for homework, the parent asked whether her child’s homework could be turned in later. She explained that she planned to beat the child that night, and she would wait until he finished his homework. I laughed and said, “Don’t spank him too hard!” Later I thought about how I should discipline my daughter. The next day I calmly told her many reasons why she needed to discipline herself. She agreed that her slacking off was not right.
However, on the third day she did exactly the same. No change at all. I thought: I must be wrong. I should put down my attachment to my daughter. I must not be attached to her going to college, studying hard, and doing this or that. Her fate was arranged before she was born. Because she’s a practitioner Master made arrangements for her. I don’t need to worry about her future. I shouldn’t have the concept of “how she should be” in my mind at all. Weren’t these all human attachments?
I stopped thinking about when my child should get up, when she should study, and what she should do at what time. I only occasionally shared with her some principles that I understood from the Fa, and I talked about my own cultivation.
Gradually, my daughter changed. One day, she suddenly woke up at 7 a.m. and said she wanted to do the sitting meditation. I was surprised but didn’t say much. I acted as if it was natural, as it should be. The next day, she woke up early again and meditated. On the third day, she woke up before 7 a.m. and did the exercises by herself.
I suddenly realized: “Oh, she started to change after I let go of my attachment to her.” In fact, she was following the path arranged by Master. It was my attachment that interfered with her and caused her state to seem incorrect. Instead of looking at myself, I thought that it was her fault. I even thought about how to educate her, how to change her. I totally understood now. It is me who should let go of my attachments, instead of focusing on how my child should behave.
I was thinking about educating children from a human perspective. As practitioners, we need to view it from a high level. We are practitioners, so we just focus on cultivating our own xinxing. Everything is moving along under Master’s arrangement. There is no need for us to interfere, no need to change others, just focus on cultivating ourselves.
No wonder Master said,
“Actually, cultivation itself is not hard; to abandon ordinary human thinking and attachments is what’s hardest.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Founding Ceremony of the Singaporean Falun Dafa Association,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume I)
We live in the human world. These environments exist to help improve our xinxing. As we improve our xinxing, we are also compassionately saving people. Therefore, when we encounter problems and troubles, the first thing we should think of is how to get rid of attachments and desires and improve our xinxing rather than try to change others.
This is my personal understanding of cultivation. If there is anything that is not correct in the Fa, please correct me.
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