My Husband’s Behavior Helps Me Improve

(Minghui.org) I am a Falun Dafa practitioner who obtained the Fa at the same time as my husband in 2014. Before I began practicing Falun Dafa (also known as Falun Gong), I suffered from complications of hemangiomas (usually benign growth of blood vessels) which couldn’t be treated. I already underwent three operations on the back of my neck. I went to the hospital when the condition recurred, but the doctor refused to perform the operation, claiming that it would be life-threatening. I was told that I could only be given conservative treatment. Conservative treatment is a euphemism for a slow death. The hemangioma pressed upon the nerves in my neck so that I lost control of my left arm. I also had kidney stones, gallstones, uterine tumors, ovarian cysts, adnexitis (inflammation of the structures attached to the uterus) and other ailments. I could only drag my sick body around my home and cook for my children. Because I could not work, I had to close my store. 

My mother-in-law practiced Falun Dafa, and recovered from all her physical ailments. My husband realized that we had no other choice, so he asked me to practice Falun Dafa with my mother-in-law. 

At first, I didn’t believe in it. I blindly believed the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) propaganda, and thought that Falun Dafa was against the Party and government. I resisted initially. However, I realized that I had no choice if I wanted to live. So, I did the Falun Dafa exercises with my mother-in-law, and read the Falun Dafa books with her. 

Only after reading Zhuan Falun did I understand that Falun Gong is not at all the same as what was said on television. It has nothing to do with politics, power or wealth. Besides, it is not anti-Party or anti-government. 

Rather, Falun Dafa teaches people how to be good – to give up the pursuit of fame and fortune. It is a truly virtuous Great Way of the Buddha School. My misunderstanding was suddenly resolved, and I understood the truth. Most importantly. I recovered from all that ailed me. My husband was very happy and felt that Falun Gong was amazing. He was grateful to Master Li (the founder of Falun Dafa), and decided to start practicing with me. 

Many people said that it was great that husband and wife could cultivate together, and help each other as one entity. As a matter of fact, it was not easy. We had many conflicts. We have been married for more than 30 years, and always quarreled. My husband is short-tempered. When he was faced with injustice or felt wronged, rather than provide proof or justify his innocence, he swore or cursed. He would vent his anger against whomever was close to him – which was me most of the time. Since we took up cultivation in Dafa, my husband’s temper has improved a lot, and I have also tried my best to change myself. Nevertheless, occasionally my husband or I would lose control. When my husband lost control of his temper, he really regretted it afterwards. 

My Husband’s Reaction Is the Test Master Gave Me

Once, our eldest son bought some crabs for dinner. While cooking them, he said, “The news says that the Sea of Japan has been polluted by a nuclear leak. If you don’t eat crab now, you won’t be able to eat it for a while.” My husband replied, “Don’t listen to that nonsense.” My son argued, “That is what they said online.” My husband got angry and shouted, “That’s all nonsense from the CCP, don’t listen to them!” 

My children got scared when their dad lost his temper, so they left before the meal. When my husband saw that all the children were gone and no one paid him any attention, he became more angry. He picked up an axe and smashed the door, breaking the locks. He dumped all of the crabs in the yard. I didn’t get emotional. Looking at him, I told myself that this is a test to help me improve. I picked up the crabs from the yard and cleaned them. Although I didn’t fight with him, I complained in my heart: “He is not behaving like a cultivator.” I said unintentionally, “Why did you scold the kids, was it worth it?” Hearing this, my husband rushed at me as his temper rose, “You always protect them, get out of my way, let’s get a divorce.” At that time, I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to listen. So I left the house on my bicycle. 

However, I calmed down while riding my bicycle. I remembered that Master said,

“But, usually when a conflict comes along, if it doesn’t provoke you, it doesn’t count, it doesn’t work, and you won’t be able to improve from it.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)

I’m a practitioner so I should not get angry. I need to forbear. I kept reciting Master’s Fa in my heart, and arrived at practitioner Liu’s house without realizing it. Practitioner Liu discussed the Fa principles with me. I calmed down, and after sending righteous thoughts, I went back home. 

I didn’t quarrel with my husband, but I still held some resentment in my heart. My husband was fine by then and knew that what he’d done was improper. He just could not control himself.

When I had dinner the next day, I suddenly felt dizzy and nauseous. I wanted to lie down and take a rest. As soon as I lay down, I felt that something was wrong. Did the evil take advantage of me? I could not let it be. So I did what I was supposed to do. I got up and rode the electric bicycle to my mother-in-law’s house and brought back some truth-clarifying materials that needed assembling before distributing. I started to put them together. However, my hands kept shaking. My granddaughter said, “Grandma, let me help you.” She helped while I sent forth righteous thoughts by her side. My husband, granddaughter, and I went out afterwards to distribute the materials. When we returned, my hands had gone back to normal. I kept saying in my heart, “Thank you, Master! Thank you, Master!” 

I knew that I was wrong in many ways. I didn’t argue rationally with my husband. I didn’t treat him with compassion. Instead, I just complained, and my tone was blunt. At that moment, I didn’t feel like a cultivator. The complaints towards my husband had existed before cultivation. I disliked him for being so hot-tempered. His personality was too aggressive. After cultivating, Master changed my life path for me. However, my resentment toward my husband was so strong that I needed to face it. Now, I realized that his behavior was triggered by my resentment. My resentment nurtured his bad temper. Master helped me see it clearly. I almost allowed evil to take advantage of me. 

When I reflected on why I didn’t see it clearly at the time, I realized it was because I didn’t look inward. I expected my husband to change. Master gave me this opportunity to improve. It is my husband who brought me into Dafa. It was he who helped me improve, and cultivate. I should be grateful to him. How could I blame him? 

Cultivating Myself When Seeing Others’ Shortcomings

All of our children came home before the Chinese New Year this year. The eldest grandson wanted to play poker, and my husband was happy to play with him. After a while, he got angry with his grandson, and his grandson cried. Seeing this, I became angry too. Then my husband got angry with me. 

My daughter-in-law dragged me into the courtyard. After a while, my son came over and told me, “Dad smashed the pot.” I was so irritated. No matter how angry he was, he shouldn’t smash the pot. It’s New Year’s Eve! 

I suddenly realized that this was a test for me. I shouldn’t resent him. This was to get rid of my resentment and vanity. I didn’t do well either, as I was emotional. I felt sorry for my son, and I resented my husband again. When I realized my insufficiency, I let it go. When we looked back, my husband could not understand himself why he got so angry. To me, it was a test for me arranged by Master. 

One day after the Chinese New Year, a practitioner named Bai came to my house and asked my husband to help him with a task to get some business for him. I talked about the cultivation experience with Bai, including my husband’s issue. 

After hearing my sharing, Bai gave me two examples. Once, he and another practitioner named Cui went to Shijiazhuang to buy some supplies. It snowed heavily that day, and practitioner Cui said, “There won’t be a bus today, let’s not go.” Bai didn’t listen but went out anyway. After waiting for a long time, there was no bus, and Cui said again, “There will be no bus coming. Let’s go back.” Bai still wasn’t tempted to give up and continued to wait. It turned out that not long after the bus came. 

When they got off the bus in Shijiazhuang, a person passed by. Bai asked Cui, “What did you think a moment ago?” Cui replied, “I saw her like she was a fat black bear. How do you know that I was thinking about something?” Bai told him, “I saw a piece of black matter fall on that person. We are cultivators; you can’t look at others that way. Every single thought of a cultivator is very important. When you’re thinking about something that isn’t good, that black matter will transfer to them, and we will create karma.” Bai and Cui quickly sent forth the righteous thoughts to clean up themselves, and at the same time clean up the bad things on that person. 

Another time, when Bai went to an experience sharing gathering, some practitioners mentioned the shortcomings of other practitioners. So one practitioner asked, “When you see others’ shortcomings, who is cultivating – the other person or you?” Bai told me, “Don’t always look at other people’s shortcomings. When you think that those people are no good, the bad material will be transferred onto them. It is caused by your thought. You need to watch your thoughts and stay unmoved.” I said, “You didn’t come here about doing business with my husband today. It’s Master who saw that his disciple was ignorant, and used your mouth to wake me up.” 

I always looked at my husband’s shortcomings, and added bad matter onto him and nurtured his shortcomings. I blamed him. This is my shortcoming in cultivation. I’m going to truly look at myself in the future. 

Before cultivating, my husband was a kind-hearted person who valued love and righteousness. He just had a hot temper. Now that he is practicing Falun Dafa, he is also restraining himself. Although he still has a temper occasionally, he can think of his own shortcomings afterwards and try his best to change. 

I have to learn to think more from the perspective of others. My husband works very hard every day. Sometimes he can’t come home for many days. When he gets home, he still finds time to study the Fa, do the exercises and clarify the truth. As long as it is work for Dafa, he has never slackened. He has been cultivating all this time, and the changes over the years are tremendous. It is I who asked too much. 

People’s cultivation states are different. My husband has what he needs to cultivate, and I have what I need to cultivate. Our interaction is the exam that Master has given us to help each other. I hope that my husband will point out my shortcomings in the future. The two of us will be in harmony. I will learn to calm down and communicate with my husband using the Fa principles. We learn, practice, and make progress together. 

Epilogue 

When I see the shortcomings of others, I have to cultivate myself. I started late in cultivation, so I always hoped to make up the time I missed. Grasp the core of cultivation, and be bold and diligent. Now I understand. Thank you, Master, for your enlightenment. My heart is much brighter. 

It’s because of a predestined relationship that we are able to come together as husband and wife and as fellow practitioners. I will cherish the cultivation environment arranged by Master, find more of my own shortcomings, and improve together with my husband.