Behind Jealousy

(Minghui.org) I would feel unbalanced if the cultivation state of another practitioner’s child seemed better than my child’s. I would resent my child and feel that my child was falling short of expectations.

If I saw that another woman’s husband was considerate and capable, I would complain about my husband. 

I would feel really aggrieved if my efforts were not rewarded appropriately, and I would become resentful.

I would feel envy if people had parents or siblings with a higher social status, or if they had well-connected relatives living abroad. I would lament about how I lacked these advantages.

When others had, but I had not, my typical reaction was to conceal my jealousy by thinking, “Aren’t these trivial things among everyday people? What we get is something everyday people cannot obtain.”

The same things have been reflected in other areas of my cultivation practice. I would feel depressed if another practitioner cultivated better in some aspect, and I would ask myself why I did poorly. 

Where did this jealousy and feelings of unfairness stem from? Digging deeper, I found that it was my desire to gain and seek satisfaction in the secular world.

If my child cultivated well, I could save face and gratify my vanity. Besides, my child would also be easier to take care of and save me stress. So I would feel happy and satisfied. A considerate and capable husband could satisfy my emotional and material needs. A powerful family and social network could benefit me, so my life could be carefree and comfortable. At the very least, they wouldn’t need to bother me for this or that support. 

When I saw that others possessed what I did not, I would use the principles of Dafa to conceal my feelings of unfairness. Actually I just wanted to be comfortable and console myself about what I was lacking.

Combative elements would emerge when I compared myself to fellow practitioners. The goodness of a practitioner would reflect my shortcomings, making me feel uncomfortable. 

Behind jealousy is the desire to feel comfortable and to not get hurt, to enjoy a so-called beautiful and happy life immersed in fame, gain, and emotion.

I have still not completely gotten rid of jealousy after two decades of cultivation. It still appears in my thoughts from time to time. Today, I am exposing the factors behind it so that I can completely eliminate it.

The above is my personal understanding at my current level. Please correct me with compassion if anything is inappropriate.