Recognizing My Mistakes by Memorizing the Fa

(Minghui.org) For a long time, I couldn’t do the three things well. Most importantly, I was not able to concentrate when studying the Fa during group study.

My vision became blurred whenever other practitioners read the Fa, and I could not see the words. I didn’t get anything from Fa study and instead felt uncomfortable.

Previously, when I studied the Fa well, I felt that my body was light, and I was able to solve all my problems and pass all my tests.

I began having tribulations because of my bad state while studying the Fa.

In addition, I started having strange dreams, which always came true the next day. I thought it was interference from my secondary soul [assistant consciousness]. So I communicated with it, but there was no change.

My situation became a little better when I asked Master Li (Dafa’s founder) for help, but it didn’t improve fundamentally. I looked inward, sent forth righteous thoughts, and discussed my situation with other practitioners, but my state didn’t improve at all.

I became fearful as I didn’t know what was causing this state.

One day, I dreamt I was taking an exam.

I felt I couldn’t pass the exam so I asked the teacher to allow me to seek help from my classmates. The dream reflected my mindset at that time.

I really wanted to get help from practitioners, but I couldn’t find anyone who could help me.

A practitioner suggested I memorize the Fa. I tried but could not focus. I looked within and asked myself why I couldn’t memorize a single sentence. I realized that I couldn’t persist in memorizing the Fa because I didn’t understand the Fa principles and didn’t look within.

I found that I could recite the Fa if I looked within and found the attachment that was holding me back. In this way, I was gradually able to concentrate.

In the process of memorizing the Fa, Master unveiled Fa principles at different levels to me. I realized my understanding of the Fa had been limited to its healing effect, and that I was a long way from assimilating to the universe’s characteristic of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.

I had always measured myself with declined moral standards, thinking I was better than others. For example, I often went to a fellow practitioner’s home and complained about my husband when we had conflicts.

This exacerbated the situation because the practitioner and her husband suggested I divorce him. My legs would also start to hurt when I was at their home.

I assumed they suggested this because they had sentimentality toward me and didn’t want to see me suffer, however, at the time I didn’t look within. Through memorizing the Fa, I gradually realized that the whole situation was related to my attachments and a mistake I had made fifteen years ago when this practitioner’s son-in-law had an affair and wanted to divorce her daughter. At that time, I didn’t look at her situation from the perspective of the Fa, and I suggested that she get divorced.

In the end, her daughter did get divorced. While memorizing the Fa, I suddenly remembered what I had done.

I realized I shouldn’t have interfered with her daughter’s personal life. I admitted my mistake to Master and I also shared my understanding with that practitioner.

After I realized my attachment, my leg no longer hurt.

Over the past few years my cultivation state stagnated, because I had not been able to rectify myself in the Fa. As a result, I had serious sickness karma symptoms.

When I did the meditation exercise, I was either sleepy or couldn’t endure the pain. I thought it was caused by my pursuit of comfort and didn’t look inward any further.

Through memorizing the Fa, I found that I had done too many things that were not in accordance with the Fa. I was in a bad state because I didn’t meet the standard of a true practitioner.

I have a rental property. One day, for some reason, I couldn’t recite the Fa, so I went to my rental property to have a break.

I looked within when I was there, and recognized more of my previous mistakes. I realized that although I clarified the truth under all kinds of pressure, I didn’t cultivate myself solidly.

I realized my attachment to fame and money, which drove me to marry my husband. My husband is disabled and cannot walk.

However, his parents were wealthy and sponsored him, so I married him out of my attachment to gaining a fortune.

My husband's parents have six children, and they often visited them during the holidays. My in-laws wanted to move in with us, but I didn’t want to live with them.

So instead they had to buy a house for us, which I took for granted.

After their death, we inherited their house. My husband’s brothers and sisters also gave him money, which seemed natural to me.

Through memorizing the Fa, I realized that my husband’s big family was my cultivation environment. However, I used all kinds of excuses to repeatedly cover it up.

I had conflicts with my husband all the time and never looked within. When I thought about this, I realized that I was wrong, and felt guilty and ashamed.

It turned out that I had been acting against the characteristics of the universe. For so many years, whenever I had tribulations, I always asked for Master’s help and relied on help from other practitioners.

I have asked for Master’s forgiveness and thanked him for giving me the opportunity to rectify myself, but I’ve repeatedly failed to look within and improve in cultivation.

After digging out my attachments and realizing my loopholes, I found that I was no longer sleepy in meditation. My husband also changed and became gentle when he spoke to me.

My family became harmonious.