How Learning to Drive Helped Me Eliminate Negative Thinking

(Minghui.org) My reaction was often negative as I dealt with daily events. The more I focused on the negative aspects, the more fearful I became, and the more helpless, anxious, worried, sad, and inferior I felt. These negative feelings always bothered me and I knew I should not acknowledge them. I tried hard to eliminate them, but they always resurfaced. I was never able to resolve this. As a result, I was not confident in my cultivation. I realized that this mindset interfered with my faith in Master and Dafa, but I was not able to find the origins of my negativity.

I finally understood the source of my negativity and fear in late 2020 with Master’s hint. I’d like to tell you what happened.

I found a new job in late 2020. Shortly after I started working there I made several errors. Although it was hard to avoid them, I felt bad. The more I thought about it, the more worried I was and the more helpless I felt. I became depressed. I even thought about quitting and I no longer wanted to work in this occupation.

As my thoughts became increasingly chaotic, I suddenly realized that these thoughts were not right. I should not handle the situation this way—this was not the real me. I traced the origin of these negative thoughts and understood that they were a form of persecution by the old forces. Thoughts like these amplify our human notions, thought karma, and negativity so we will have doubts about Master and the Fa, in an attempt to destroy our faith. This is interference and persecution by the old forces, but it is hidden. If we do not recognize it, and we go along with this way of thinking, we would be as I described earlier, wavering, failing to look at things with righteous thoughts, and becoming increasingly frightened with no faith in Master and our own cultivation.

This is a different kind of persecution—an invisible one, different from sickness karma. The purpose is to destroy one’s righteous thoughts about Master and Dafa and ultimately destroy practitioners.

The reason I fell for it was because of my notions, thought karma, and the influence of empirical science. Instead of looking at things from the Fa’s perspective, I was reacting based on how things were done in this human world. My notions, what I could see, and how I felt blocked me from righteous faith in Dafa’s principles. This understanding helped me deal with fear in a better way later on.

The Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) “door-knocking” harassment was rampant in China, and many practitioners were harassed, kidnapped, and persecuted. My husband and I did not live in our registered household, and we were usually careful about safety, so we avoided this harassment for years.

However, one night in early 2021, just after I got back home from work, my husband told me that two police officers came knocking on the door, but he didn’t open it. The police then asked our neighbor if I lived there. The neighbor told them it was an empty apartment (he didn’t know that we were living there temporarily), so the police left.

When I heard that the police had my name, I panicked and felt paralyzed with fear. My husband was lost as well. Some practitioners in the neighborhood were harassed and some were even kidnapped. However, they were able to return home safely after breaking through the persecution with righteous thoughts. Negative thoughts began to churn in my mind, “Will the police track me down at work? Will they do this, will they do that, etc...?” When my husband saw how upset I was, he suggested that we talk to another practitioner.

That practitioner encouraged me and shared stories with me about how other practitioners handled the situation. Although I was inspired, I still felt unsettled and confused. My husband and I were completely caught up in the incident, trying to figure a way out. Due to fear, the psychological pressure lingered in my mind. I still felt overwhelmed and helpless. I told my husband, “Let’s send righteous thoughts!”

The moment I sat down and raised my palm, I immediately came to my senses, and a thought flashed through my mind, “This is false! Do not accept the old forces’ persecution! Do not allow the old forces to use the police to commit crimes against practitioners. We should save the police so they won’t be destroyed!”

In that moment I understood that sending righteous thoughts was not for the sake of avoiding being persecuted myself, but for the sake of saving people. If we do a good job and negate the old forces’ arrangements they won’t be able to use people to commit crimes against practitioners, and they may have a future. I also understood some of the inner meaning of Master’s words about selflessness and altruism.

I felt a sense of direction after obtaining a clear understanding from the Fa’s perspective. Although I still had fear, I knew what to do. When I went to work the next morning, fear and negative thoughts kept coming at me in waves. Images of the police coming to my workplace kept appearing in my mind, and all kinds of negative thoughts surfaced. My righteous thoughts fought fiercely with them, and I kept sending righteous thoughts while asking Master that my workload be reduced. I wanted to spend more time reading the Fa. I knew only Dafa could help me and strengthen my righteous thoughts.

Miraculously, my workload was lightened and I was able to read the Fa almost all day. As I read, my righteous thoughts became stronger, and my true self increasingly awakened. I realized that I could not be driven by fear and negative thinking, and that going along with them would be accepting the persecution. In order to completely deny it, I had to remain unmoved, and not be affected by surface appearances. I should be firm in my righteous belief and thoughts, and do what Dafa disciples should do. When we walk the right path, the persecution will disappear.

In my cultivation I’ve realized that faith in Master is very important. It runs throughout our cultivation and is fundamental to our success. In the face of every test and tribulation, it is truly important that we are able to see things with faith and righteous thoughts. Only by doing so can we meet the standards of the Fa and be shown the great power of the Fa. If our hearts are moved and we accept the persecution, we may be trapped in tribulations and have difficulties extricating ourselves.

This incident also gave me a clearer understanding of the source of fear. I wanted to eliminate it, but I always felt that I couldn’t find the root so I couldn’t eliminate it. This time I realized that being scared was actually fear, and one of its sources is CCP culture. One of the ways the Party controls people is by creating fear, forcing fear into people’s minds, and constantly reinforcing it by various bloody repressions, amplifying it, and making people submit in fear. Through this experience I understood that creating fear is just a trick the Party uses to control people, and a fearful mind is not part of our true selves. It should be removed.

Learning to Drive Helps Expose the Source of My Fear

While taking my driving test in the summer of 2021 I saw many shortcomings in my cultivation, and had many insights.

I had signed up for the driving test three years prior. I happened to have time in June and July, so I contacted my coach to practice for the test. During that time I had more days off at work. As there were few coaches for Subject Three in my driving school, I was only assigned a practice slot once every two weeks—half an hour each time. The test site was on the outskirts of the city, so it took me about an hour and a half to get there. With the wait time, it took me more than half a day to get it done. The weather in 2021 was abnormal. There were almost no sunny days in June and it rained every day. In July, when I started practicing for my driving test, it was hot and scorching for twenty consecutive days, with no rain at all.

Three other people were scheduled to take the test on the same day. The week before the test, we had intensive special practice sessions four afternoons in a row. I did the worst. One day, I had forgotten even the most familiar Route 1. Coupled with the heat and my lack of sleep, when I went home I almost had a nervous breakdown. There were five chances to pass the test, and I had already failed twice. I hoped to do a good job and to pass it the first time. What I didn’t expect was that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do a good job. I felt I was just not good at this. The frustration and negative thinking made me lose my positive thoughts. I even considered canceling the test.

The next day my state of mind was not much better, and I had difficulty controlling the vehicle. I kept making minor mistakes. I panicked and felt confused. The coach finally said, “Go home and think about it.” I thought, “I’ve been working so hard—what am I supposed to think about?” I asked my myself, “I am a Dafa disciple. What am I missing?”

My husband was not home when I returned. I was tired, hot, thirsty, and hungry, and there was nothing to eat. I was hoping to talk to someone. I was really hoping to find someone to comfort me, because every time I encountered a setback, my husband was around to comfort me and cheer me up. He was not there so I felt especially lost.

That night I asked myself, “I am a Dafa disciple, but why do I have to look to others for comfort and solutions when I encounter problems? Shouldn’t the Fa be the only source of righteous thoughts and the foundation of our lives?” I realized that I had not studied the Fa or exercised for several days. I seemed to awaken at that moment, and saw the problems in myself.

Because I still had to go to work on the days I practiced driving, I left home early and returned late, and my routine was disrupted. I didn’t take it as an opportunity to improve my cultivation. Instead, I lost my righteous thoughts as soon as I ran into some difficulty. If I was tired, I did not exercise. If I was busy, I studied very little Fa. When it was hot and hard to bear, I forgot that I was a practitioner.

It seemed that my cultivation was conditional—I only looked inward if I was not busy, had plenty of time, and had nothing else to do. The problems I had all seemed to be true reflections of my cultivation state. With this realization, I awakened.

I reflected on my own behavior during this period, and found many shortcomings. I was attached to comfort, and unable to take hardship as joy. In the midst of chaos I was unable to stay unmoved and focus on what should be done. I was very attached to doing things. I also lacked compassion and had negative thinking. Whenever I interacted with others I had my own agenda. My first thought was of course to save people, but I had selfish thoughts. When I talked to people, I always appeared pleasant and kind, but once I found out that they did not accept the truth, or they were not willing to quit the CCP, I did not want to waste time on them. Therefore, my kindness was superficial and not the true kindness that comes from cultivation. I think true goodness means that no matter how the person behaves I should not be moved. Every thought that comes out of the heart is sincerely for the good of others. I should have no selfish thoughts. I am far from this realm.

The reason why I’m not doing well is because I am too attached to comfort. I don’t want to suffer any hardship, and I always want to practice in a comfortable state, thinking that as long as I do the exercises, study the Fa, and clarify the truth I am cultivating. In fact, that is just doing things. It’s not cultivating the heart—it’s not the essence of cultivation, so when things happened I was lost. Eliminating attachments is a cultivator’s priority. I understood that cultivation is not about avoiding trouble and having everything go smoothly, but about how to look inward when facing difficulties and troubles, enlightening from the Fa, and thinking and acting righteously.

That night, I read Master’s Teachings From a Tour of North America many times, but I couldn’t understand Master’s teachings. When I seriously looked within and was determined to face my cultivation with righteous thoughts, I suddenly understood the Fa principles behind Master’s words.

Cultivation is amazing. When we improve, Master bestows us with wisdom. The next time I practiced driving, I was able to learn many things. I also got my driver’s license without any problems.

I am so grateful to Master for choosing me to be a Dafa disciple during the Fa-rectification period. Whenever I encounter tribulations, I feel that there is light, hope, direction, and strength because I have the Fa in my heart. I am immensely grateful and feel blessed to be the greatest being created by Dafa. I will follow Master to the end and return to my true home.