How Falun Dafa Guided Me Through the Haze of Depression

(Minghui.org) “Depression” is a mental illness well-known in modern society. It can affect even those who look normal and possess cheerful personalities. It is difficult for people who do not suffer from that affliction to understand those who suffer from this state. Faced with family members or friends who are suffering, they are often helpless, and unable to offer help or comfort. I would like to share my personal experience, hoping that others lend a helping hand to those who face similar situations.

My hometown is located in the northeast of China. My husband and I migrated to Shanghai in September 1998 to set up our business. As new arrivals to this prosperous and bustling metropolis, we faced many hardships and pressures. We were relying largely on our own physical strength, intelligence, and luck to survive.

I gave birth to our daughter in 2000. Having possessed a pessimistic outlook since childhood, I came down with postpartum depression. Insomnia, loneliness, and hopelessness accompanied my thoughts. The persistent pressure made it hard to breathe. I often thought of ways to escape through suicide and death, but the thought of leaving my daughter behind stopped me from following through.

My worsening condition triggered a visit to a hospital specialist in 2006, where I was diagnosed with “severe depression.” The doctor prescribed some antidepressant medication. The powerful antidepressant medicine worked by imprisoning my mind. Whenever I sat down for a while, my entire body and face would become dull, expressionless, and unresponsive. The medication also wreaked havoc on my body's hormones. Staring at my dull eyes and sallow face in the mirror, I could only lament, “Living is just too hard!”

One day, I was lying in bed after putting my daughter to sleep when I recalled that I had among my possessions the book Zhuan Falun. A strong desire to cultivate blossomed in my heart and I started crying and begging, “Master, let me meet a Falun Dafa practitioner!”

The following day, when buying vegetables at the market, I wandered over to an unfamiliar stall while searching for ginger. An older lady was there, telling the stall owner about Falun Dafa! Overjoyed, I immediately talked to this practitioner, and explained to her my situation, expressing my wish to practice Falun Dafa. This older lady gave me her contact number, then sent me a set of the latest teachings published by Master Li Hongzhi (the founder) the day after. That morning, after taking my daughter to kindergarten, I began reading Master’s teachings. At one point, after reading that Master had taken the equivalent of a bowl of poison in order to help eliminate the karma of a student suffering from cerebral thrombosis, I was moved to tears. Compassionate Master had made great sacrifices and suffered much on behalf of Dafa practitioners.

Despite encountering Falun Dafa earlier, I had not entered cultivation practice. However, Falun Dafa (also called Falun Gong) remained close to my heart. I would occasionally open my copy of Zhuan Falun to read, and this was the only book I took with me when we moved from our hometown to Shanghai. Despite everything, merciful Master had not given up on me and even arranged for me to find a Falun Dafa practitioner. Having become a Falun Dafa practitioner, I should stop taking my antidepressant medications. However, the medication instructions leaflet also cautioned against stopping them immediately, as this could cause symptoms of schizophrenia. After some indecision, I hardened my heart and took a stand. “I am determined to be a cultivator!” I flushed the rest of my medication down the toilet.

After stopping the antidepressants, although I encountered nausea and blurred vision, my mind and thoughts became sharper and clearer. I also felt a constant, inexplicable urge to cry. That elderly practitioner offered some advice, “Send forth righteous thoughts to remove these evil factors.” As soon as I started, a miraculous effect happened. A burst of joy involuntarily coursed through my heart. I started smiling through my tears, as my feelings of depression lessened.

With Master’s blessings, I escaped from the side effects of schizophrenia. However, I still experienced weakness and a severe lack of stamina. Instead of walking, I had to ride a bicycle when going out to buy groceries. One day after returning from the market, I parked my bicycle in its parking spot and started walking home. On turning my head, I saw four black ghosts trailing behind me. Black from head to toe, they had faces with pointed chins, thin necks, and arms, and walked while skipping steps. Two of the ghosts were three meters tall, while the other two were around two meters in height. When they saw me staring at them, they tried to hide.

At first, I wrote this off as a hallucination. But, when I turned around again, I found that all ghosts had squatted down. When I glanced backward after walking out of the parking lot, I saw that the ghosts were hanging back looking fearful. They began to follow me from a distance. Despite being a relatively timid person, I felt no fear at all when faced with this scary sight. On the contrary, my heart was very calm because of Master’s support. I suddenly realized that my so-called “depression” had been caused by these ghosts. Merciful Master was reminding me not to look at my illness from the perspective of ordinary people and modern science. This mental state of mine was essentially the work of these black ghosts, and possibly the karma accumulated from my previous lives.

From then on, I diligently studied the Fa, practiced the exercises, and worked on maintaining my righteous thoughts in order to eliminate these ghosts more effectively. Gradually, my insomnia disappeared, and I started laughing and living a normal life. Cultivating in Falun Dafa, I finally overcome the depression.

In today’s chaotic and complex modern society, an increasing number of people suffer from depression, a strange, and incomprehensible illness that is extremely difficult to cure. I hope my personal experiences can help others who are facing similar problems.