(Minghui.org) When my mother returned after helping with a Dafa project in another city in October 2021, she asked me to help take another practitioner home. As soon as I got in their car, I noticed the tire pressure was low and I felt something was not quite right.
I suggested taking her home in my own car, as I was afraid the tire might be a problem. When I turned around and looked at her, she appeared extremely tired. My negative thoughts surfaced: “They went to so many places—what if they have the virus? I am not afraid but what about my baby? I would not want her in my car with the baby seat.”
Indeed, my mother told me that one of the practitioners had caught the virus and went through major sickness karma. But my mother was fine. Two days later, I suddenly felt very cold, as if I’d walked into a freezer. I thought it was caused by the cold weather and I tried to warm up by drinking hot beverages and going to bed early. When I woke up the next morning, I was a lot worse. I was freezing and extremely tired. I had a hard time getting out of bed. I could hardly drink water. My throat was killing me. I had also lost my sense of taste!
“Did you get the virus?” My husband was worried.
“Impossible! I am a cultivator. It cannot get near me. Look at my mother, she had close contact with someone who was infected, but she is fine, no symptoms. I will be fine. Just let me rest a bit more.”
The more I rested, the worse I felt. My year-old baby came down with a high fever. He refused to drink and had diarrhea. My heart sank, “Oh, no, these are the symptoms of the CCP virus! What do we do now? I need to contact a pediatrician!” My mind was inundated with all kinds of thoughts, even blaming my mother for bringing the virus home. I knew as a cultivator we would be all right, but what about the baby? I completely forgot that I was a cultivator. I panicked.
My mother urged me to get up to do the exercises and send forth righteous thoughts. I forced myself up. I was exhausted and could hardly stand. I leaned against the wall and began to do the exercises. I felt as if I would pass out at any minute. I kept throwing up while doing the second exercise and felt awful. I felt a little better right after that exercise, but the miserable, awful feeling returned shortly after.
My baby did not eat or drink and still had a high fever. My worry turned into fear. I felt I could not handle it anymore. I did not feel the exercises had helped much. I was urged to send forth righteous thoughts, but it was just impossible for me to do it with a calm mind. I did not know what to do.
Suddenly, Master’s Fa teaching appeared in my mind:
“In genuine cultivation one must cultivate one’s own heart and inner self. One should search inside oneself rather than outside.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
Genuine practice—did I really do that? Have I cultivated my own heart and mind? Did I look inward? I immediately calmed down and started searching within. My affection for my baby affected me a great deal. I was not rational. I was not thinking straight.
From passively enduring the discomfort, I began actively sending forth righteous thoughts, doing the exercises, and studying the Fa. My energy improved after doing the exercises longer. The baby’s condition also improved.
Then, when I settled my heart and mind down to study the Fa, all sorts of thought karma came up: “Will the baby make it? Will the high fever harm his brain?” I kept rejecting these thoughts and asking myself to finish reading the lecture. After that, I no longer felt cold, and my fever was gone! Amazingly, my baby’s temperature returned to normal as well! Tears ran down my face. I knew Master had protected my baby and me. I was deeply grateful for Master’s saving grace.
Through this incident, I reflected on the following inadequacies in my cultivation.
Actively Eliminating Sickness Karma vs Passively Enduring It
When I first had the sickness, I thought I needed to eliminate it and relied on past experience of sleeping it off. I did not understand that if I actively eliminated it by doing the exercises and sending forth righteous thoughts, I would recover so much faster. It was also a process of negating the old forces’ arrangement. If I just passively endured it, I acknowledged the old forces.
Diligently Cultivating Is the Best Solution
My mind stopped working when my baby had a fever. I was so attached to the baby. All I could think of were ordinary responses. Looking back to when the pandemic began, I was not afraid to come into contact with people who had been infected when I was collecting signatures to clarify the truth about the persecution. I also studied the Fa a lot at that time, so why did I feel so helpless this time? Looking further within, I realized that I had been slackening off, pursuing leisure and new things and was not so focused on saving people. I spent more time on educating my son, taking him to the zoo or museums, and didn’t spend enough time studying the Fa or doing the exercises to help him.
Master told us:
“With this type of child, before the child is of the age that he can do the exercises himself, performance of the exercises by you, the adult, will serve as doing the exercises for the child.” (Teachings at the Conference in Australia)
That is, I did not put my own and my child’s cultivation in an important position. Instead, I brought up the young Dafa disciple as an ordinary child. I did not take saving people (saving others and my child) seriously.
One’s Main Conscientiousness Has to Be Strong
I remembered what had gone through my mind when I took that fellow practitioner home: “What if she carried the virus?” How could such a negative thought surface and how could I even follow it? Didn’t it reflect that my main consciousness was not strong?
Master told us:
“Human or divine—the difference lies in one thought. If what arises is a righteous thought, and you take the position that all of this is false, that it’s the old forces meddling, and you remind yourself of how long you’ve cultivated Dafa for and that no such thing is possible, if that thought truly comes from within, instantly the problem will vanish.” (Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference, Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. XI)
As a cultivator, one’s consciousness will become stronger through cultivation. Why, after so many years of cultivation, is mine still not strong enough? It is also a reflection of my daily life. I could be doing something well and then suddenly be distracted by checking my phone. I could end up wasting a lot of time and not finish what I started.
Master also said:
“Most people, however, can remove and resist it with very strong thoughts from themselves (a strong Main Consciousness). With this, it indicates that this person can be saved and can distinguish good from bad. In other words, the person has good enlightenment quality. My fashen will help eliminate most of such thought karma.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
Doesn’t this mean that I didn’t resist thought karma in my daily cultivation? I am usually too relaxed and do not have a sense of urgency to cultivate and save people. It is far from the “cultivate with the heart you once had” that Master taught.
Looking back on that encounter, I asked myself, “If I study the Fa diligently, will I still follow the thought karma? If I send forth righteous thoughts regularly, is it likely that the virus will enter my space? If I do the exercises daily with all due seriousness, will my body still be so easily affected and attacked by the virus?” I had so many layers of protection and yet still ran into such a rough patch—what a serious reminder to pay close attention to the state of my cultivation!
I really need to pay attention to studying Master’s new scriptures. Master made things very clear in his teachings, but I could not recall them when I was in the midst of the ordeal.
Also, I have not paid attention to doing the exercises for a long time—I always feel that I am young and healthy. As long as I improve my xinxing and study the Fa, I will be all right. These are all manifestations of not having enough faith in Master and the Fa, as well as the lack of understanding of the Fa and also pursuing leisure and comfort.
We are at a critical time when it comes to saving people. I do not have time to waste feeling sorry or regretful. I have to seize the time and diligently do the three things.
This is my understanding at my level. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
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