Letting Go of Ego: Eliminating My Fundamental Attachment

(Minghui.org) Greetings, esteemed Master and fellow practitioners!

I truly appreciate the opportunity to share my cultivation experiences of the past six months with you.

Master said,

“That is why karma cannot penetrate it. It is merely that the person’s original nature has been buried. One’s original nature has its own way of looking at things. If you can truly remove the notions formed after birth and recover the perception of your original nature, that will be where you came from, the earliest concepts that you formed—that is, the concepts from the place where you were first created.” (Buddha Nature, Zhuan Falun, Volume II)

This spring I could not make much progress in my cultivation. I did the three things, the exercises, and participated in a number of Dafa projects. Still, it was as if I was treading water. I knew that something was preventing me from moving forward. However, I could not identify the cause. At the same time my cultivation state became evident in a telephone project, as many calls did not break through the firewall.

The Broken Laptop

My laptop, without making me aware of any malfunction in the past, announced that a serious error occurred. The device stopped functioning entirely. I quickly obtained a replacement so I could continue and participate in the online exchange. I got the replacement very quickly, but upon closer inspection by the security expert on our team, I could not use this device for security reasons and had to exchange it.

A Dafa disciple’s device should not break. Also, why, of all things, did I get a laptop that could not be used? Doing Dafa work and participating in the exchange was a good thing. Thus, it had to be something in my attitude–the way I did things–or so I thought at the time. I remembered that the problem occurred after I tried to install an update, but the device could not complete the update.

I also realized that I could not improve in my cultivation, as something was blocking me. I looked inside for the reason but could not find anything.

Looking for Attachments

Master said,

“Accordingly, one’s thinking has intentions. If one’s mind wants itself to think a little bit, express something, do something, or direct one’s sensory organs and four limbs, it may be an attachment among everyday people.” (Lecture Eight, Zhuan Falun)

I remembered a tiny thought I had very briefly, “I won’t return the new laptop I just bought–I will put it in the drawer.” I took a closer look at my thought. A dialogue ensued in my head: “It’s not good for the electronic store if you return it. You have not been paying attention.” The other voice said, “Looking for excuses in the Fa is really bad.” I realized that I had an attachment: the fear of losing face, the fear of having done something wrong and no longer looking good. This was a terrible state to be in. I quickly corrected myself with righteous thoughts and ensured that everything could be put back into the device.

An attachment can’t guide a cultivator. We cultivators align with the Fa. My true self, which has a sincere heart, should take over. I realized that again I had not looked inwards but instead wanted to remedy the situation as quickly as possible, just as it is done by an ordinary person.

Then, I realized that I tended to not focus on problems–which I found difficult to deal with–but quickly did things around it and acted to solve the problem. My main consciousness weakened, and other things and attachments took over.

I immediately realized that my calls were again breaking through the Chinese Firewall. That was special at the time. Only a few days earlier, I experienced an unusually high failure rate of 50 percent.

Exchange with Another Practitioner Allowed More Clarity

Master said,

“A notion, once formed, will control you for the duration of your life, influencing your thinking and even the full gamut of emotions, such as your happiness, anger, sorrow, and joy. It is formed postnatally. If this thing persists for some time, it will become part of a person’s thinking, melding into the brain of that person’s true self, at which point it will shape his temperament.” (Buddha Nature, Zhuan Falun, Volume II)

After studying the Fa together, we discussed our shortcomings. I wanted to encourage a fellow practitioner and said that one can and should correct oneself by admitting a mistake. He then wanted me to list my attachments, which would help him to see it very clearly.

So, I listed them: perfectionism, attachments, and so on. He turned angry, almost yelled at me, and said that I was “accusing him of dead cadavers.” I told him attachments I did not have. All this only masked the fundamental attachment.

I was terrified but remained calm. I wanted to find my attachment, which I simply did not discover, and for which I had been looking over the past weeks. I enlightened at that moment that I was sinking into comfort, just as an ordinary person might do, as if I were falling into a comfortable pillow. I had put aside my main consciousness.

Master said,

“I close my eyes and doze offto sever all troubles hereUpon waking, endless things come alongNeither heaven nor earth canblock my road of Fa-rectificationBut disciples’ human hearts can.”(“Troubles,” Hong Yin III)

In context, I asked myself why I started to practice cultivation. What thought took me to Falun Dafa? It was: “One moment to be without worries, to be free of everything earthly!” It meant I wanted to have it comfortable and easy.

Master said,

“This directly involves our own minds. In order to eliminate this negative thing, you must first change your mind.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)

I had to turn things around. In order to move forward, I decided to do everything better than before. I also decided to do the second exercises for an hour.

In the following weeks, I found my fundamental problem. I give my true self too little space–my attachments had taken over my thinking. It was not my true self that did things with a wrong attitude, but I let my attachments take over my thinking and actions. I could not look at them separately from me. If an attachment takes over, it is not harmonious, nor can it bring about a harmonious state.

Master said,

“But this is only possible with the field of energy that comes from doing true spiritual practice.” (The Third Talk, Zhuan Falun)

Letting the True Self Take Charge

Over and over again, some thoughts appeared in my consciousness. Sometimes they were so weak that I hardly noticed them. But, I noticed every time that it was thinking within me. I didn’t know if I had cultivated in this area at all.

Master said,

“The origins of a person’s various thoughts, on the other side, are very complex, with what’s seen at the surface having the influence of all sorts of beings mixed in. That’s how it is, and it is extremely complex.” (“2012 International Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital”)

Therefore, I decided to reject thoughts that are not helpful in this kind of situation I was in, especially thoughts that resembled arrangements of the old forces. By doing so, I gave my sincere thoughts more space in my thinking, and they were able to guide me better.

Hints by Master in my private and professional environments helped me understand that I was interfering in all kinds of everyday people’s affairs, and not only in politics but also in everyday matters. I realized that I should not do that.

Master said,

“You are not here to change history, but rather, to save people at this most dangerous time in history,...” (“Stay Rational”)

When shopping, I met a homeless man. I felt sorry for him and considered whether I should perhaps pay for his shopping. I then decided against it as I noticed that there was some food that I considered luxury food in his basket. Outside the shop I bumped into him. He cursed at me. I looked inside to find what I had done with my supposedly selfless thought.

Master said,

“Dafa is the wisdom of the Creator. It is the bedrock of creation, what the heavens, earth, and universe are built upon.” (“On Dafa,” Zhuan Falun)

From this, I realized that everything is a manifestation of the Fa and everything has its justification. I should treat people with dignity and respect, and not overwhelm them with so-called intentional compassion.

Master said,

“The person measures Buddha’s xinxing with an ordinary person’s criteria. How can that comparison be made?” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)

My workplace, a school, implemented Covid-19 testing with Chinese test kits. Previously, no one cared whether I took the test. Now, the Ministry of Education demanded that everything be recorded. That’s when I realized my oversight: I had not informed the principal and the ministry that the test kit revenue indirectly benefitted the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), allowing it to continue to persecute Falun Dafa practitioners and other groups.

In a letter, I emphasized that I did not want to join the ranks of those in favor of the measures or those against them–that is, I did not want to interfere–but I wanted to point out that we were supporting the suppression of Falun Dafa practitioners and other groups. After a few days, I felt that the situation regarding testing was easing. In fact, my colleagues had already divided themselves into two opposing camps.

Harmony

I was filled with harmony. The curriculum, the testing of students and teachers, everything shrank in my mind. That issue was no longer of top priority, but the Fa. I was there only for the children, teenagers, and young adults. I asked myself, “What do they need the most?” The learning group did not disappear. If I spoke to a child and pointed out that he had offended another child, no one protested. Everyone listened quietly.

A harmonious atmosphere spread despite the masks and despite the otherwise unusual and tense situation. I used to think that no one could be responsible for this happening. However, in the course of the last few months, I realized that every typical teacher’s activity is controlled by attachments and involved a lot of competitive mentality, and I had to get rid of those.

A student from the graduating class submitted the wrong homework assignment. She had mixed up the titles of the pictures and thus got the assignment wrong. I calmly explained to her that she had chosen the wrong picture to analyze. That’s when another student defended her, saying her classmate should not be blamed. I waited for a moment after she finished and then asked if she was finished. Then, I asked her if she meant that I would punish her classmate. Since she did not respond, I replied that I would not do that.

Again, the students were quiet. For students who openly and honestly admitted that they didn’t do the assignments during lockdown, I still told them how to make up for everything. In the past, I would have thought about myself as crazy. Now, I feel a great inner joy and harmony.

Now, I see every behavior of my students as a direct reflection of myself. I can no longer be angry with them–they show me how I am. However, it is not always easy to accept, because one’s perception of oneself can be very different from the reflection.

In my class, there is an 11-year-old student who does everything to provoke his classmates and me. No superficial human action can bring him to his senses. I thought in class what a shame it was and how he was trying with all his might to make us angry again.

Them I remembered what Master said,

“If you don’t dare to kill me, you’ll have to crawl between my legs.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)

I realized earlier that the factors in other dimensions use people for their own purposes–to test Dafa practitioners and also other people. But, I did not realize that they don’t care at all how that person ends up. Whether my student gets punished, or whoever got in Han Xin’s way got killed, they just don’t care.

That’s when I realized the infinite value of Master’s grace and the principles of Truthfulness, Compassionate, and Forbearance. Only they can save people despite the dilemma. So, I also “crawled between his legs.” Wordlessly and with a kind heart, I got his snack box, stored his ruler with which he hit himself, and continued to treat him as a living being to be saved.

Thank you, fellow practitioners who helped me sort through these insights, advice and quotes from the Fa!

Thank you, Master! During the struggle and the process of understanding, you did not leave me alone, but corrected and strengthened me with countless things. Given this help, I was able to overcome all problems and move forward. Furthermore, I want to cultivate diligently as a particle of the Fa, aligning myself with the Fa one step after another.

(Presented at the 2021 German Fa Conference)