Finding the Root of My Habitual Blame

(Minghui.org) My wife and I have cultivated ourselves according Falun Dafa for over 20 years, and gone through many tribulations. Due to the persecution, I have been imprisoned for over 10 years, including multiple forced labor camp and prison terms. My wife has always supported me with her righteous thoughts. My family and friends respect my wife for never leaving me. Even though we haven’t cultivated ourselves diligently, we have been improving our xinxing. As a result, we have a harmonious family life. We don’t have any major disagreements, but we always have minor conflicts. I often blame her for not cultivating diligently. She often blames me for my shortcomings in daily life. I sometimes felt troubled and tried to improve our situation, but I haven’t been able to make a breakthrough.

I seriously examined my cultivation recently and found some problems that I overlooked. First of all, both my wife and I have a habit of blaming each other. As soon as we open our mouths our negativity comes out, such as petty dislikes, complaints, doubts, blame, etc. 

Secondly, we say whatever we want—just like a non-practitioner couple would. We forget to cultivate our speech. We haven’t been strict with ourselves or realized the seriousness of cultivation in everyday life. When we don’t focus on cultivating ourselves it’s very easy to forget about Compassion and Forbearance and behave like ordinary people. 

Probing further I found a deeper reason. I was born in the 1960s and grew up in the era of the Great Cultural Revolution. The evil atmosphere filled every aspect of Chinese society and was systematically and purposefully instilled into people’s minds. I’ve never been completely able to eliminate its influence on me.

For example, I used to like a writer who was praised by the Chinese Communist Party as the flag bearer of Party culture. I bought many books he wrote and I was influenced by his harsh sarcasm and aggressive style. I took pleasure in ridiculing people, which is the opposite of mankind’s traditional values of treating others with respect, gentleness, and sincerity. As time went by it became habitual. 

After I began practicing Falun Dafa, especially after I read the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party I got rid of my books that contained Party culture. I also eliminated every element of Party culture from my words and behavior. I thought I did pretty well in correcting myself. 

However, I realize that it hasn’t been thoroughly eliminated. I was able to restrain these bad elements when my main consciousness was alert, but as soon as I relaxed my guard, the remaining elements of Party culture interfered again. The habitual blame between my wife and I reflects the role of Party culture and reminds me that I need to continuously identify and eliminate it.

I believe that when we study the Fa well, cultivate ourselves solidly, and continue to assimilate to the principles of the universe, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, our minds will be purified by these principles, and all our complaints and blame will naturally disappear. 

Editor's note: Views expressed in this article represent the author's own opinions, for which the author is solely responsible. Readers should evaluate the article's merits on their own.