Eliminating Attachments to Improve Family Relations

(Minghui.org) I would like to share my recent experiences of finding the attachments I had in my daily life. Although I assessed how I could improve, I did not look deep enough to find my attachments. After similar types of conflicts happened repeatedly, I finally realized that I should look for my attachments more seriously. With this sharing, I hope to expose those attachments and eliminate them so I can improve.

Inconsiderate of Family Members

I am pregnant. One day, my husband browsed the web and saw a second-hand baby chair that he was interested in, so he wanted to look up the seller’s location. I told him in a nasty tone, “You should find out if the chair is suitable for a newborn before considering where to pick it up.” Unexpectedly, he grew angry and yelled, “I just want to check the address. What are you mad about?” I was momentarily startled and knew that my tone had not been kind. Even worse, I knew that I always talked to him like that and hadn't realized that my bad tone could hurt his feelings.

I used to treat my family with a poor attitude, such as talking back and blaming them without considering their feelings. It wasn’t just my husband–I also spoke unkindly to my child. My husband’s anger made me realize my wrongdoing. I decided to improve my attitude toward my family.

Arrogance

After the argument, I felt aggrieved. My husband is usually very tolerant, so I was angry with him and could not accept that he yelled at me that day. However, I immediately realized that my bitter feelings came from my attachments.

I looked inward and found that I was self-centered and only considered issues from my own perspective. I did not forbear when it came to my husband, nor did I listen to his opinions humbly. I thought that I could consider things in the long term better than he could. My husband usually agreed with me, so I unconsciously believed that I was always right and that my ideas were superior to his.

Additionally, I had a fundamental problem of not respecting my husband. This mindset was reflected in my poor attitude toward him. I did not want to admit my mistakes when I saw that something was my fault. He had already told me that I was arrogant, but I did not agree with him. Now, I see that he was right.

Rebelliousness

I was recently inspired by a practitioner’s article about the attachment to rebellion. I realized that I had a rebellious attitude since I was young. But the attachment was hidden so deeply that no one noticed it.

For example, as a child, I liked to thoroughly clean the house when my parents were away. I enjoyed seeing their surprise and hearing their praise when they came home. However, if they asked me to clean the house at any other time, I would become upset and didn't want to do a good job. I wondered why there was a difference in my behavior. Now I believe the main cause was my rebellious attitude.

Selfishness

After digging out several attachments, I recognized my selfishness. I hadn't encouraged my husband to look for a job. Instead, I told him it would be difficult for him to find work during the pandemic. However, I said that because I wanted him to be at home and take care of me after the birth of our baby. I feel ashamed of myself for behaving so selfishly.

Conclusion

I have benefited from listening to practitioners sharing about how their cultivation state manifests in their daily lives. They reminded me I should find my attachments and quickly eliminate them. Attachments are often exposed clearly in our daily lives. However, I only recognized my attachments on the surface and didn't make an effort to remove them. Cultivation is a process of constantly improving one’s character. I want to seize all opportunities to look inward, cultivate myself, and get rid of my attachments.

Teacher said:

“Just as I said, when in conflict with others, you need to examine your inner self and find the faults within yourself—don’t look externally. If you can do that, your xinxing will improve on a fundamental level.” (Teachings at the First Conference in North America)

Thank you, Teacher, for protecting and guiding me as a practitioner who is cultivating alone. I will study the Fa diligently, focus on looking inward, and cultivate solidly. I will learn from more practitioner articles on the Minghui website and review my behavior for continual improvement.