The Path I Walked (Part 8)

(Minghui.org) Ms. Li Li was a native of Heilongjiang Province. She had a difficult life, losing her mother to an unknown illness in 1992 and her brother to a brain tumor in 1994. She married in 1981 and was a victim of domestic violence throughout most of her marriage. Her husband had extramarital affairs, eventually divorced her in 1996, and soon married the widow of her late brother.

Despite the hardships and heartbreaks, Ms. Li held herself to Falun Dafa’s principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, and even her ex-husband protected her after the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began the persecution of Falun Dafa in 1999. A TV reporter, a friend of his, intended to interview him and have him blame Falun Dafa for breaking up his marriage to Ms. Li. He firmly turned down his friend's request for an interview. While Ms. Li was being detained for her faith, he kept her Falun Dafa books in a safe place. After she was released but forced to live away from home to avoid further arrests, he took good care of their son.

Ms. Li later died as a result of the persecution. This 10-part series was her own account of her story.

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Although I experienced misery and unhappiness, I remained cheerful, and was kind to those that mistreated me.

(Continued from Part 7)

Master Shares Cultivation Insights

Master returned from Yanji 10 days later. After arriving at Xu’s home, I heard Master talking with a few people. Several practitioners and I did the Dafa exercises in the bigger outside room. We knew Master needed to take care of something, so some practitioners left. After Master finished what he was doing, he came from the inner room. We took him downstairs. After Master left, I was about to walk upstairs again. However, I noticed that my coworker Xu and his son had a mischievous look on their face.

We knew each other well and could talk about almost everything. This made me wonder what had happened today. Also, Master had just come back, so they must know something that they did not want me to know. I decided to find out. After getting upstairs, I said to Xu’s son, “Xiao Xu, is there something you don’t want me to know? It must be about me; otherwise, I wouldn’t ask.”

Seeing that I would not give up, he asked, “If I tell you, can you handle it?” I immediately answered yes. He said that he would tell me, but I could not tell others. Again I assured him that my lips were sealed, and he had to tell me today, I told him with a smile.

“We were talking about you with Master,” he said. “Master said that you have cultivated to the Fruit Status of Arhat. We were all surprised and asked, ‘How come we can’t tell?’”

Upon hearing this, I stopped probing further and did not think much about it, either. I did not know what it meant to be an Arhat. If it was something good, that was fine. I trusted what Master said.

Several days later, I met Master again, and he asked me, “Are you happy?” I did not know what to say, so I just kept quiet. I thought Master must know I had heard about it; otherwise, he would not ask. It seemed that the Arhat level that Master mentioned was a level above human beings, but I did not feel special, nor did not know how I had cultivated there.

Master said in Lecture One of Zhuan Falun, “Cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one’s master.”

In fact, I did not know anything and Master did everything. One time, several practitioners sat cross-legged on the floor and Master sat in front of us. Master looked at me and said, “Take a look of what is behind me.” I thought Master probably asked me to look at things through my celestial eye that others could not see. Maybe Master was opening my supernormal abilities this way.

But I was a little afraid and thought, “No, I cannot look. If my celestial eye is open, what if I cannot handle it properly in the future?” As far as I knew, some people in Changchun had issues because of their pursuit of the celestial eye. In lectures, Master spoke of the importance of having no pursuit, so I did not want to look.

Master knew at a glance what I was thinking. Several practitioners complained that my enlightenment quality was too poor. Once when several of us practitioners did the exercises at Xu’s place, Master came. Master sat on the edge of a single bed, and we sat on the floor around him. I was very close to Master, and Xu was next to me. No one dared to say anything in the beginning.

Then Xu broke the silence and said, “Li Li, could you share what you’ve seen before?” I knew what he was talking about and said, “It has already passed.”

Master said, “You can talk about what you saw.”

Since Master asked me to talk, I agreed. So, I described what I saw when I first started to practice. That is, I saw Master was a literati as well as a foreigner.

Master said, “What you saw is correct.”

I did not dare to ask the nationality of the foreigner. Master then said softly, “I was once a beggar in everyday society.”

During sitting meditation, a practitioner surnamed Wang saw that Master used to be an emperor. Master said he was. Xu once also told me that in one of Master’s past lives, he was Emperor Taizong of the Tang Dynasty.

Master’s Poems

My cultivation state soon spread among practitioners, and it affected them a lot. At that time, many practitioners liked to ask me when they had questions and experienced tribulations. I knew how I should handle it and that I had to stay away from zealotry.

Master’s China Falun Gong bookwas already published. We practitioners studied the book together in groups and individually. We also memorized and recited the book. Practitioners were all enthusiastic about studying the Fa.

On September 15, I went straight to Xu’s place after teaching my class. Upon arriving there, I saw Master was writing something, and only the Xu family was there. I did not want to bother Master, so I quietly sat on the side. Master looked up and saw me. I went up to the desk and saw Master writing a poem–“Cause and Effect.” After writing it with a blue pen, Master took a look and said, “The characters are small.” He picked up pen and paper again. This time, Master used a black pen and wrote it in larger characters. Seeing the copy with the small characters by the side on the desk, I asked Master, “Teacher, can I have this one?” Master agreed.

Master wrote two poems, “Cause and Effect” and “Cultivating Amidst the Delusion,” in that order. Both were published in Hong Yin.

Looking at the two poems, I was wondering why Master used the character of 横 (steel, instead of 恒 or constancy) in the Fa. As I was thinking about it, Xu’s wife asked Master, “Teacher, why use this character (横)?” I replied, “It should be this character (横).” I was immediately enlightened to the meaning of the character. This was telling us to “steel” our will in cultivation. On the surface, it means being determined and resolute. Master said, “You can go ahead and search for enlightenment in it.” After returning from Yanji and writing these two poems, Master renamed “Falun Gong” to “Falun Dafa.”

Husband Issues

Lu came to Changchun to visit me. He stayed for a few days and made trouble for me. He invited me to eat out with his friends. Lu picked up the wine glass from the table and said to me, “You need to drink today. Drink this cup with me.”

“I don’t drink,” I replied.

Lu’s face turned angry immediately, and he said, “You must drink; otherwise, nobody will eat today.”

“You know I don’t drink. I am a practitioner,” I answered.

Realizing that I had made him lose face, he demanded, “You must drink today.”

“I won’t,” I said.

Lu’s friends also asked him to stop, but he did not listen. In the end, because I did not drink, he got abusive and no one was able to eat. I thought, “On issues like this, I will not relent, even if we break up. I will just follow the Fa, not the demands of everyday people.”

This test, created by Lu, came during the days when I was thinking over Master’s two poems. I felt Master was teaching me the Fa and answering the questions I had asked in my cultivation experience: Why would I suffer so much?

Master wrote,

“‘Tis not that the journey of cultivation is painful,Karma from generation upon generation is blocking you....” (“Cause and Effect,” Hong Yin)

I came to understand that my suffering was caused by the karma I had accumulated from different lifetimes. It was the bad deeds I had done, and it had nothing to do with other people. How could it be if I cultivate and do not repay those debts? It was just as Master wrote,

“Steel your will,eliminate karma,cultivate xinxing,...” (“Cause and Effect,” Hong Yin)

Only then could I truly improve myself.

Master Answers Questions by Falun Dafa Assistants in Changchun

Then, it was time for Master to explain the Fa to Falun Dafa assistants in Changchun. We began to organize questions submitted by practitioners. We removed all questions related to “illness,” along with repetitive questions. At that time, there were many questions related to an article in the magazine of Window on Literature and Art. I asked Xu’s son to remove most of them, but he disagreed, so we ended up including them.

I also asked a question: “Is there anything in the cosmos that’s completely the same as something else?” which was included in Explaining the Content of Falun Dafa (“Explaining the Fa for Falun Dafa Assistants in Changchun”) Looking back, I found this question was more like seeking knowledge, and it was derived from a philosophical question. But Master answered it anyway.

It was September 18, also a nice day. In a conference at Jilin University’s small auditorium (that is, the seventh floor of the Physics and Chemistry Building), Master explained the Fa for assistants in Changchun. About 200 assistants attended the conference. Somehow several new practitioners also heard about this and came as well. This might have affected Master’s lecture to some degree. I knew Master’s lecture was specific to the attendees, since many questions practitioners asked and the contents Master explained were related to me. Master also seemed to answer questions that I did not know.

For example,

“Is the sex of a Buddha—male or female—the same as that of the cultivator’s flesh body or that of the Main Primordial Spirit?” (“Explaining the Fa for Falun Dafa Assistants in Changchun,” Explaining the Content of Falun Dafa)

“If attaining the righteous Fa and achieving the Righteous Attainment is regarded as reaching Consummation, what point do we have to reach in cultivation in order for it to be considered having achieved Consummation?” (“Explaining the Fa for Falun Dafa Assistants in Changchun,” Explaining the Content of Falun Dafa)

“Falun Dafa takes the path of gradual enlightenment. When will we enter the state of gradual enlightenment?” (“Explaining the Fa for Falun Dafa Assistants in Changchun,” Explaining the Content of Falun Dafa)

From Master’s lecture when answering the last question, I learned when one’s celestial eye is open and he or she is able to see, it is fine to use it. This is different from attachment. I used to have this problem and did not handle it well.

Beginning Stage of Organizing Master’s Lectures and Cultivating Solidly

This lecture was extremely important for assistants to do well later on. After the lecture, several practitioners including Xu, Li, and I then transcribed Master’s lecture from the audio–word for word with no changes. We then gave the text to Master for revision and preparation for publishing. After that, Master stayed in Changchun for a while, organizing audio recordings from lectures in different places, and planned to publish Zhuan Falun.

We all knew Master was very busy, and we could not help with things that Master intended to do. Since then, none of us went to bother Master. We knew Master was close by and, since we had listened to Fa lectures, the only thing for us to do was to cultivate solidly.

Adapting after Moving to Beijing

After Lu went to work in Beijing, I also looked for a job in Beijing. In the end, I decided to go to the National Prosecutors College with him. The college needed an instructor of formal logic and philosophy, and decided to hire me. The Supreme Procuratorate, host of the college, approved this, allowing a couple to teach there as an exception. My employment was officially transferred to Beijing at the end of 1994.

The college officials first listened to a mock lesson from me, and then agreed to my regular teaching. The office I was assigned to was called the Comprehensive I Teaching and Research Division. But there were only two faculty members, including me. The office director was from the Central Party School, and he also taught philosophy. By that time, he had essentially been in the office by himself. There was a phone, a bed, and even a shower.

He did not seem to welcome me. After I arrived there, he placed a desk in the hallway blocking me from entering the office. I realized things in this new place might not be as straightforward as it was in the cultivation environment with other practitioners. Lu lost patience, so he moved the desk into the office. The director could not do anything but to accept it.

It took me some time to adapt to this environment when I first arrived in Beijing. There were so many changes in a short time. I was not familiar with coworkers, nor did I know any of the practitioners. Plus, Lu asked for a divorce right after I arrived there. I was a little stunned and always thought of Changchun.

I thought to myself–Master, why was it arranged for me to come to Beijing? Changchun seemed much better to me. Some of my sentimentality was gone, but some other kind of sentimentality arose. I always thought Beijing was a strange place for me, and I liked Jilin University in Changchun better. Plus, I knew lots of people there. In the end, I even dreamed the snow in Changchun was whiter than that in other places. What an attachment!

I was a little confused and did not know how to cultivate. At home, I cried in private. Later on, I often felt bad at home and cried a lot.

“Do you want to continue cultivating?” Lu asked. “If not, just have a life like an everyday person. If yes, you should cultivate well. What’s the point of crying all the time?!” I thought his words made sense. Maybe Master was giving me a hint through him.

My cultivation state was not good, and I needed to adjust it. Later I called an older practitioner and then visited him. Seeing me too stressed, this practitioner and his wife asked me to go for a walk in the Purple Bamboo Park to relax. I did not want to quit practicing. And having someone to talk with was comforting and enlightening. I was always thankful for the sincere help other practitioners extended to me.

(To be continued)