(Minghui.org) I faced a serious xinxing test recently. However, I passed the test given my 20 years on the cultivation path. On the surface I passed the test smoothly, but it was rather difficult come to think of it. I looked within and saw my attachments to saving face and vanity. However, I didn’t believe that I discovered the root of the problem and understood that I had to dig deeper.
I have been a “serious” person since I was young. I studied diligently and always had good grades. I found a job and worked hard after graduation. For over a decade I worked in China, although I faced being persecuted because of my faith, While the company’s political leaders gave me a hard time, the technical leaders often protected me and gave me a stable job and environment to clarify the truth about Dafa.
Then I came to America. In my mind, “being serious” is always correct, especially in personal cultivation and when involved in projects validating the Fa. I was serious in my work and expected the same attitude of fellow practitioners.
After I dug into the origin of this behavior, I saw “seriousness” was the cause. The issue arose because I took the issue too seriously. Looking back at the many small conflicts in the past, all of them originated from my seriousness in dealing with matters.
The Dafa project I was on was tedious, and every number or letter counted. Everyone had to pay close attention to details. However, humans err at times. My colleagues might mark a number wrong, and the mistake would show up in my work. I often openly criticized the person who made the mistake. If the practitioner didn’t understand the seriousness of the situation, I would get upset and impose my judgment on those involved. I explained that the seriousness was important because it involved saving sentient beings. Therefore, we could not tolerate any mistakes, or so I thought. Practitioners in our team recognized the seriousness and had to be tolerant of my attitude without exception.
Looking back, I realized that I was only half-right with being serious. It was correct to be serious in my own work, but it was wrong to impose my standard of seriousness on others.
Team members come from different backgrounds and have different personalities. Each of us has to overcome some difficulties when participating in the project, such as taking care of young children at home, lack of office work experience, lack of fluency in English, age, and shouldering roles in multiple projects at once. But I had not considered their difficulties and always required others to meet my own standard. I saw my attachment to ego and lack of compassion.
“Actually, though, as a Dafa disciple, if in such cases your thoughts are righteous, and what you are thinking about is cultivation, about being responsible, and about how it’s something that should be done well, then you should quietly take whatever it is that you feel is lacking and do it well. That is in fact how a Dafa disciple should handle it. If all Dafa disciples could manage to handle things in this manner, everything out there would go extremely well, for sure.” (“Be More Diligent,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. X)
“Don’t give weight to such things. If you can manage to quietly complete what you notice is lacking, quietly do well what you should do, and quietly do something well when you find it to have been done less than ideally, then the multitude of gods will have tremendous admiration for you and exclaim that this person is simply extraordinary. Only doing things this way counts as what a Dafa disciple should do.” (“Be More Diligent,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. X)
I missed the “quietly” part and often highlighted what I had done. In the future, I shall quietly correct the small mistakes I saw and pay more attention to places that might easily go wrong.
Of course, I will continue to make the team aware of significant mistakes worth discussing so that we can all learn and improve. But I will mind my tone and attitude when bringing these issues up. I will no longer blame and criticize, nor will I impose on others as to achieve my own goals. Instead, I will speak up and calmly deal with problems with compassion, and be responsible for the project and for fellow practitioners. If I can follow through with these, I would truly be taking my own cultivation seriously.
By now, I see the root of my attachment and feel relieved. I apologize to the practitioners who were hurt by my “seriousness” in the past.
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