My Experience with Lust and Desire
(Minghui.org) I am a college-age practitioner, and I have struggled with the attachment to lust and desire. I grew up knowing Dafa, yet I was polluted by ordinary society. In my middle school years, I was addicted to reading, and was also affected by the people around me. I encountered a lot of bad messages in books and online, including pornographic and homosexual things. While I logically knew they were bad, I was still attached to them.
This continued when I started attending a Dafa high school. I felt fortunate to attend and I wanted to be diligent. I shared with my fellow classmates, and was resolute that I would cultivate well. I did well at first, but after a few years I became complacent. During a period of stress, bad thoughts resurfaced, but I did not eliminate them. The following summer break, I gave in to my attachment and read some unhealthy eBooks.
Soon afterward, I returned to ordinary society for college. While on the surface it was for family reasons, I realized it was also because I did not meet a practitioner’s standard. The following year, I fell further. I stayed up late surfing the web, and I did not want to study the Fa or do the exercises. I lied and acted sly to hide my attachments. I even almost wanted to be an ordinary person, to make money and just enjoy life.
Fortunately, my parent dragged me to Fa-study at a practitioner’s house one day. During Fa-study, I started reflecting on my actions. It suddenly seemed laughable that I could not give up this attachment. It is almost the end of the Fa-rectification, yet I was still struggling with lust and desire. I had not done my part in saving people, and I knew I would surely regret that.
That night I went on the Minghui website and looked for experience sharing articles that could help. I read “Understanding the True Nature of Lust,” which understood lust to be a possessive spirit. I was shocked but felt a lot lighter. I had trouble thinking that the lustful thoughts were my own, but knowing that lust is an outside entity helped me recognize it. I need to study the Fa more, because Master clearly states in “The Importance of a Strong Mind” in Zhuan Falun:
“The thought karma can directly interfere with your mind and cause you to silently swear at me or Dafa, or have wicked thoughts and hear abusive words in your mind. Some practitioners don’t realize what is happening at the time, and even mistake those things for their own thoughts. And some think that they are suffering from entity attachment, though they are not. Rather, those are the result of thought karma surfacing in the brain. Some people are not very in control of their minds and so they go along with it and do bad things, which is ruinous for them and causes them to fall. Most people can, however, repel it and deny it by having strong, self-aware thoughts. This indicates that they are savable and can discern right and wrong; it means that their faith is strong. My spiritual bodies will then help them by eliminating a large proportion of their thought karma. What I’ve described is quite common. If it does occur, it is a test to see whether you can conquer the wicked thoughts. Hold your ground and the karma will be dissolved for you.” (The Sixth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I was obviously the person who fell, but I will pick myself up and cultivate. I really thank Master for helping me and giving me this last chance. I am now studying the Fa and doing the exercises daily. I have felt my home environment improve, and I feel lighter and more positive. I have also started clarifying the truth by telling my classmates about Dafa and the persecution.
I am writing this because of what I read in Collected Fa Teachings III:
“It’s best that these people, if they want to do themselves justice, wake up quickly--wake up quickly! If you’re determined to do that, then tell Dafa disciples about the things you’ve done, and that could help. Time is running short. I’m really worried about you. Don’t take Master’s mercy so lightly. The Fa has standards.”
I think sharing will help me get rid of this attachment. The above is my experience and limited understanding.
Category: Improving Oneself