Finally Letting Go of My Human Notions
(Minghui.org) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I began practicing Falun Dafa in May 1998. I always disliked anything related to medicine and computers. But my first job in China was computer testing, and my first job in the United States was at a medical clinic. Looking back, I see it was all arranged for me to better clarify the truth about Falun Dafa later.
In 2000, I was invited to participate in a video program in Los Angeles. The team leader knew I didn’t like working with computers, so she told me they just wanted me to do some editing: cutting video clips by pressing a key and exporting them. It sounded simple, so I agreed.
I also joined Sound of Hope (SOH) by chance. I practiced the exercises in a park every morning with one of the directors of SOH in Los Angeles. One day she said, “You have trouble making videos. Why don't you come to SOH and make audio programs?” I know that while everything seemed to happen by chance, they were all arranged by Master.
I always wanted to participate in a program that directly clarifies the truth about Falun Dafa. These kinds of programs can help people understand the true situation and have a positive outlook on life. People are innately spiritual. Maybe these programs will be a reference for future generations. I clearly knew what content I wanted for the program, but my writing skills were poor and I had difficulty putting my materials together. Producing an episode sometimes gave me headaches. Other times, ideas came nonstop, but when I tried to write them down, they were gone.
Ideas pop into my head while I meditate or read the Fa. For example, when I was writing an introduction to a story, I had the thought: “Do it this way.” Then I saw an image. My experience is that the Fa will give us answers as long as we sincerely study and cultivate ourselves.
My Big Test
During the first few years of my cultivation, I always felt that I would succeed, no problem. It was easy for me to let go of human attachments. My greatest strength is that I'm easygoing. I felt xinxing tests wouldn’t be difficult. I hadn’t been given any tests to overcome in a long time, and I envied those practitioners who went through them. Many times I asked Master, “They have so many tests to pass, why don’t I?” I began wondering if Master was still taking care of me. As a result, a big test came, and it took me over a year of inner torment to overcome.
I knew everything I was going through was caused by my karma, as the Fa clearly tells us. My mind-reading capability was suddenly opened up. I knew what some of my fellow practitioners were thinking and saying behind my back. It wasn’t just one person who didn’t understand me, but a group of people. Some of their words were cynical and hurt me badly. I tried to find my attachments by examining my behavior, but I couldn’t identify them. The entire experience was painful.
One day I began having a terrible thought. I was shocked to find that my mind was unconsciously following it. I suddenly remembered Master’s words,
“Remove your human thoughtsand evil will naturally die out” (“Don’t Be Sad”, Hong Yin II)
My tears couldn’t stop flowing. I was grateful for Master compassionately watching over me and enlightening me. Throughout the following weeks, Master helped me to detect one attachment after another and enlightened me with higher and higher Fa principles. In this way, I improved step by step and let go of my human notions.
While I was writing an email one day, an image appeared in my mind: the character “yi” (loyalty and justice) that I proudly lived by, was displayed in another dimension as the character that means “selfishness.” My tears flowed.
I had always felt that no one around me was more “yi” than I was. I admired anyone who was better than me in this respect. In reality, few people are like this. Not until that picture appeared did I realize the “yi” I had treasured was actually a big attachment! It was soaked with strong sentimentality, and I was completely unaware.
Without Master, how could I have known this level of Fa principles? How could I get rid of this attachment?
I passed this test a year ago, and I’m grateful from the bottom of my heart for having this opportunity to improve. While I was suffering from the “injustice” of others, I expected fellow practitioners to treat me kindly. At that time, I kept telling myself that it must be because I had been unkind to others before, which resulted in this karma. I must cultivate great compassion so that I could be worthy of being Master’s disciple, help him with Fa-rectification, and save all living beings.
Soon after I fell asleep a few days ago, I had a dream. The host of a program was talking to the person in charge. At the time, I was getting ready to record my program with another host. That host told me that I could only record if I was the number one person at the station. Otherwise, I had to wait until they finished their work. I immediately said it was fine and we could wait until tomorrow.
Although I acted like I didn’t care, I felt unsettled. Then the person in charge who witnessed this scene came up to me and said, “Are you okay?” Then she hugged me. I felt wronged and wept. I didn’t grieve in the dream; instead I felt humiliated. When I woke up, there were tears in my eyes.
How could I have such a vivid dream when I had been asleep for less than an hour? What was this dream telling me?
I gave it some serious thought. In fact, I don’t care whether I’m important or famous. But I do try to avoid being humiliated or losing face, and it’s been an issue since I was a kid. Before I practiced Falun Dafa, if I was blamed or called names, as long as it wasn’t seen by anyone else, I could easily let it go. I wasn’t happy about it, but the bad feelings didn’t last long. The only thing that bothered me was losing face. If someone witnessed it, I would feel humiliated and think about it for a long time. I knew this was one reason why it took me an entire year to pass this test.
Looking Inward Deeply
From the Fa, we know many of the tribulations and difficulties we experience are caused by debts we owe from past lifetimes. Once we truly realize this, we won’t be upset. But often times, one attachment covers up another attachment. Our difficulty lie not being able to recognize the root cause of the problem.
Cultivation is a multi-level process. Sometimes, we need to get rid of several attachments in one test. In my mind, I care more about how people think of me than the real me. I grew up surrounded by praise and compliments. I know I’m not perfect, but I feel good about myself. In cultivation, I know the Fa has a higher standard for me. In reality, I’m still attached to myself.
I’ve never liked people who lie. I’ve even gotten angry at others for being dishonest. When I examined myself, I realized this was also another manifestation of the attachment to losing face. I was afraid of exposing my negative side. Isn’t this in conflict with being truthful?
“You will be made to abandon all those attachments that you cannot give up among everyday people. As long as you have them, all of those attachments must be removed in different environments. You will be made to stumble, whereby you will become enlightened to the Tao. This is how you go through cultivation.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Led by Master step by step, I kept walking on my cultivation path even though I stumbled.
The CCP virus (coronavirus) has wreaked havoc around the world, and everyone is stuck at home. I developed a high fever one day, and my bones and joints hurt. I even had a hard time walking.
I was afraid that the everyday people around me would know. I felt it would be a big deal if my landlord, who lived with me, found out. I closed the door, studied the Fa and did the exercises at home. But then I thought, “Isn’t this an attachment of fear? Isn’t it also a loophole in my cultivation? What should I be afraid of?” The following day, I was fine. My landlord asked me what was going on. I told her that I did not feel well that day, but I was fine now. She said practicing Falun Dafa was good for our health and that she should learn from me.
“What is a human? Full is he of emotion and desire.What is a God? Human thoughts are nowhere found.What is a Buddha? Benevolent virtue is amply endowed.What is a Dao? A realized being, serene and clear.” (“The Difference Between Mortal and Divine,” Hong Yin)
I often use this teaching to measure my thoughts, words, and actions. I know that I still have much to improve on and too many attachments I still haven’t gotten rid of! With firm belief in the Fa, I know that I will be able to do well on the path of cultivation that Master has arranged for me. I will surely live up to my mission and fulfill my vows.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2020 Sound of Hope Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference)