I Finally Identified My Selfishness
(Minghui.org) When my printer broke down several days ago I thought I might have a xinxing issue. I studied the Fa, hoping that the printer would resume working. One week passed and the printer was still broken.
I got on my bicycle and went to ask a practitioner called May if she knew any practitioners who could repair my printer. On the way there it started to rain heavily, so I turned back and never made it to see her.
I contacted a website set up by practitioners and asked them how to fix the problem. I got a reply straight away, but I still didn’t understand how to fix it after reading the instructions.
A few nights later I finally went to see May to see if she could help. She said a lot but in an indirect way. I listened for a while before I understood what she meant. The practitioner who provided technical support didn’t know how to fix printers, so practitioners had to take their printers to a repair shop.
I became upset with May for not directly telling me. I didn’t realize that I had become reliant upon her. My laziness, showoff mentality and resentment were exposed. I was still angry when I did the exercises the next morning. In my mind I thought about all her shortcomings.
Recognizing My Own Attachments
My printer still didn't work so I took it to the repair shop. Because other practitioners had clarified the truth to him, the owner was happy to help me. He did the job quickly and the cost was reasonable.
My printer was cheerfully working again. I’d wasted ten days while my printer was broken. During that time my cultivation state wasn't good. I waited and relied on others; I was demanding and filled with resentment and anger. I even asked Master to have the printer fix itself. I relied on other practitioners to solve the problem for me. I even wanted other practitioners to take my printer to the repair shop. I asked for bank notes with truth clarification messages printed on them from other practitioners because I couldn’t print them myself. I complained that other practitioners didn’t fix the problem for me.
I was angry because this problem interrupted my routine. All in all I tried to protect my own comfort. I wasn't willing to make any sacrifices. When I finally went out to get my printer fixed, I found it wasn't difficult. After I stopped looking outwards and instead looked inwards, everything became easy.
I learned a big lesson from this small problem. I was an only child and had always been selfish. I didn’t cultivate myself solidly. Other practitioners, including those in my family, always accommodated me and let me have my own way. I became very self-centered and expected that everyone around me would support me. I felt that other practitioners should listen to me and do what I asked unconditionally. Even though I could solve the problem myself, I preferred to have others do it for me. I realized that the other practitioners’ xinxing was very high. They never argued with me and always helped. My bad temper caused a lot of harm and brought a lot of trouble to other practitioners. When I realized this, I felt bad.
On the surface, the reason I became angry with May that night was because of her long explanation. The real reason was that my strong ego was hit hard. I always thought highly of myself. I felt I shouldn’t have to do an unimportant job such as getting my printer fixed. I acted as though I floated on air and couldn't lower myself to become uncomfortable or solidly cultivate myself. The other practitioners cooperated with me unconditionally. But I felt that I was not part of the one body, even though superficially I had participated in several Dafa projects.
Letting Go of Attachments
The next day I went to the local electronics market and bought some storage devices. I never would have done this before, as I always asked other practitioners to supply them. If they didn’t have any to spare, I would ask them to buy them for me because I didn’t want to go to the market. It was hot, stuffy, noisy and crowded and I had to visit several shops to compare prices. Going there always gave me a headache.
But this time I went, bought what I needed and didn’t feel uncomfortable. I realized that if I didn’t let go of the attachment to myself, I would seal myself off and become isolated and helpless. This time when I went there, I had a totally different feeling.
I went to Joanne’s home with my laptop on the third day. She had an advanced desktop with high speed Internet. I spent four hours downloading the film “Eternal Fifty Minutes.”
I had asked a practitioner to come see me because I thought this practitioner must have downloaded the film and I could make a copy – which would save me from having to download more than 300 files one by one. Again this was a selfish thought. It had become my automatic reaction to consider myself first in everything.
While I was downloading the film, Joanne asked what I’d like to eat. I told her that I would eat whatever she cooked. She complimented me and said that I had changed and wasn’t picky any more. She prepared some delicious food and I was touched.
The movie was uplifting. After watching it, I realized that every practitioner plays their role in the Fa-rectification period. No job is too high or low. Every practitioner in the film played a vital part. With Master’s help, they completed this great project – broadcasting the facts about Falun Dafa for 50 minutes on 32 channels on the Changchun Cable TV network - reaching tens of thousands of households and millions of viewers.
I saved a copy of the film on Joanne’s computer. She was happy that she could watch it. I was very touched. I had always secretly looked down on her, but now I felt she was marvelous. She did her best and cooperated with me unconditionally. She said she was the little monk and should go through more hardships so that she could elevate herself quicker. I, however, had always considered myself the “big monk” and felt I was at a higher level.
On the fourth day I downloaded two movies from the Sound of Hope website and gave copies to Joanne when she came to pick up truth-clarification materials. She was very happy and said that she would ask her family to watch them with her. She kept thanking me. Before, I would have felt that she should thank me because I had spent so much time doing this. When she said thank you to me this time, I had another feeling: we met each other in this Fa-rectification period because of our pre-destined relationship.
We came together to fulfill our vows to help Master rectify the Fa. Dafa’s saving grace gave us this special mission. We should thank Master. I should cooperate with other practitioners and let go of myself. I told her, “You have done a better job in distributing truth-clarification materials than me. I will make sure you have as many materials as you need.” She happily accepted my offer and asked for a lot of materials this time.
I felt very sorry about the way I had treated May. I had hurt her even though I had already apologized to her. She had a lot of merits. She was very helpful, coordinated well, and spoke softly unlike me. I was loud and aggressive.
Every practitioner is a unique particle of Dafa. I should not hold myself above others. I should melt into Dafa and genuinely cooperate with other practitioners. I should let go of myself and not trouble others if I can do something myself. I should listen to other people, respect them and be humble. I should adjust my time and my schedule to comply with other practitioners’ schedules.
Because of my change, I felt the power of the whole body for the first time. I was part of the one body. I did the exercises with other practitioners in the early morning. I sent righteous thoughts four times globally every day. This was strengthening the whole body. I made up my mind to cultivate diligently and do the three things well. When I had technical problems or legal questions, I got prompt replies from practitioners online. These practitioners were cooperating with me.
I am so fortunate to cultivate in Dafa in this lifetime. Every practitioner I know or don’t know is doing what they should do. I no longer feel lonely. I must be humble, thankful and try my best to do things well in the remaining time of Fa-rectification.