Walking Towards Purity in My Falun Dafa Cultivation
(Minghui.org) My parents had two girls, me and my sister. My father was ill-tempered. He could be very rude and liked to swear. He often beat my mother up. Because of that, I was very obedient. But over time, though, I grew stubborn and vain, liked to come out on top, hated to be criticized, and was very competitive.
In 1999, I got to know three colleagues who were Falun Dafa practitioners. That’s how I began to cultivate. A month later, on April 25, 1999, practitioners gathered together at the Chinese government official compound in Zhongnanhai to appeal for the right to practice. The situation was very tense. Some practitioners I knew were arrested, some stopped practicing, and some had to hand in their Dafa books.
I was a fairly new practitioner then and only knew a handful of others. There were fewer and fewer practitioners with whom I could still get in touch.
Passing a Family Tribulation
Very few people knew I was a practitioner, so things were fairly calm for me. Yet I was severely interfered with by my family at home. They were all against me practicing.
My older relatives were classified by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) as “bad elements.” During the Cultural Revolution, they were subjected to cruel persecution, and a few of them were persecuted to death.
As a result, my parents were terrified of the CCP. To stop me from practicing Dafa, my mother even came to my workplace to keep an eye on me, and my husband gave me rides to and from work.
I talked to them about the beauty of Dafa. I told them how it was totally different from what was shown on TV and in the newspapers. Despite this, they said they would not let me practice even though they knew Dafa was good.
Sometimes I was so upset that I cried out loud. I tried everything but still failed to convince them. As a result, I didn’t have a cultivation environment. At that time, my son was very young and I had to spend a lot of time looking after him. I also had to work, and little by little I let up in my cultivation.
Around 2002, I ran into a practitioner. She asked me if I still practiced Dafa and if I wanted to read Master’s new lectures. I said, “Sure!” After I read them, I was totally clear. I truly appreciated Master’s benevolence for not giving up on me.
After reading what Master said regarding the Fa-rectification process, I made up my mind to cultivate diligently so I could keep up. Whenever I had time, I’d read the Fa teachings.
Twice while I was reading, my husband unexpectedly came home and I quickly put the book away. The first time my mother-in-law saw that, she didn’t say anything. The second time she said, “If you want to read the book, just do it proudly. What’s the point of hiding?”
I understood it was a hint from Master. I thought, “True, Dafa is so wonderful, what am I afraid of? Why can’t I study it out in the open?” I went to tell my husband, “I want to study Dafa.” He looked at me with a straight face and said nothing.
Then I thought I should not only study the Fa but also do things to validate Dafa like other practitioners. I bought red paper, yellow ink, and calligraphy brushes. I cut red paper into pieces and wrote “Falun Dafa is good! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good!” on them. I left them out for the ink to dry. When my mother-in-law saw that I wrote very well, she took them all and put them up outside.
One day when I was writing, my husband came home from work early and saw the papers before I could put them away. He became so upset that he came over to grab them. I tried to take them back, and while we were struggling he ended up tearing a few pieces.
My husband is kind, honest, calm, and bright. He has been a very caring husband, and we rarely have conflicts. He asked me to give up cultivation for the sake of our family, especially our child. I knew this was a test for me.
I began to clarify the facts to him, but he was still very stubborn and told me to choose between Dafa and him. I said if I were to pick, I’d choose Dafa—my life was rooted in Dafa. He was very disappointed in me.
Once he happened to see me studying the Fa. Even though it was pouring rain, he went to stand outside. I called him inside but he refused to come in.
At that moment I decided to let go of my sentimentality for him, so I picked up the book and began to read quietly. Sure enough, he soon came back inside. During those days, the atmosphere in our family was quite tense.
Several times he wanted to talk to me about my practice, but every time I stood firm, showing him that I was steadfast in my cultivation. One day he said he wanted to divorce me. I calmly replied, “If there is something I didn’t do or say well or if I wasn’t kind enough to your parents, I will correct myself.
“If I didn’t respect your sister enough, I will correct myself; if I wasn't responsible for the family, I will correct myself also; if I didn’t educate our child well, I will correct myself.” Lastly I said, “If I have done very well with everything I just mentioned and you only want to divorce me because I practice Dafa, then I agree to the divorce because you have failed to tell right from wrong.”
He never mentioned it again.
Eliminating My Attachment to Self-Interest
I rented a counter in a mall to sell processed meat products. Later I expanded my business and rented a second counter in another mall. Business was good. Customers would come over to chat with me if they wanted to buy something or not, and in this way I got to tell them the truth about Dafa.
My husband had to go to work, and he couldn’t give me a hand, so I was very busy. Sometimes I had to skip meals and couldn’t keep up with Fa study. Nor did I have time for my son.
As a result, my son started to act up, stealing money from me and spending it all at an Internet cafe. Because he didn’t do his assignments, his teacher called my husband twice to talk about it.
As I slacked off with Fa-study and doing the exercises, I became easily agitated and was quick to lose my temper. I decided to sell my business in 2007 to free up some time for myself. At first, my husband didn’t agree but later I convinced him.
One of my classmates visited a few times and saw that my business was doing very well. She decided to take over the business from me.
After we agreed on a price, I showed her where I went to source materials and my recipes for making processed food. But when she paid me at the end of the day, she was 5,000 yuan short. Even though I knew it wasn't because she was short of money, I didn’t say anything.
The first two months after she took over, the business went well, but it went downhill after that. She called me and told me that some customers came to look for me, but when I wasn't there, they didn’t want to buy anything.
I told her we should treat everyone with sincerity, whether or not they wanted to buy something. They might just be looking one day, but they’d come back to make a purchase another day. She also needed to make sure that the products tasted the same as before, so that, while keeping the existing customers, she could try to win new ones. This was how I had built up my relationships with customers. There could be a variety of reasons for the downturn in her business.
She didn’t look inward to see where things went wrong and blamed me instead. She also spread the word among our classmates that I’d cheated her, which made me worried about how they would see me, especially when they didn’t know what had really happened.
For a few days, I could barely eat or sleep. I was so upset, and my attachment to losing face flared up. As a practitioner, could such a situation be accidental? Master spoke about “loss and gain” in Zhuan Falun.
After I looked inward, I realized that I still had a strong attachment to self-interest, resentment, vanity, and a competitive mentality. I decided it was time to get rid of them and rectify myself.
After seeing my attachments, I felt much more relaxed. My husband suggested we reclaim the business. But after I shared with a few practitioners, they suggested I would have very little time left for cultivation so I dropped the idea.
I felt there should be a resolution to this situation, so I finally decided to compensate her 20,000 yuan. I also tore up the 5,000-yuan I.O.U. I told her that I only treated her this way because I was a practitioner, otherwise I would never do that.
She was very touched by this unexpected generosity. I felt very calm and did not mention anything about it in front of our old classmates. But when they found out about my generosity, they really admired me. Though some still felt I had been treated unfairly and said, “When she didn’t make money, she came to you. How about when she did make a profit—did she ever share the profits with you?”
Some even said that what I managed to do was truly phenomenal. I didn’t say a word to my husband about how I compensated her, but he still managed to find out and was very upset with me.
He wanted to find her to argue about it, but I stopped him. I said, “We were in business for a few years, and it went very well; we could afford to buy a house with the money we made. But what if we had lost money after we started the business, how would we feel?
“I decided to compensate her. Otherwise I’d feel bad about her losing money so shortly after taking over the business.” My husband was disgruntled for quite a while after that.
Eliminating the Competitive Mentality
My mother-in-law fell down and hurt her back. The doctor said he couldn’t treat her because of her age and had to send her home to recover.
My second sister-in-law lives in an apartment building behind me and was unemployed at the time. But as soon as she heard that her mother was coming home to recover, she quickly found a job and started work. She also tried to task her younger sister with bringing lunches for my mother-in-law. But her younger sister didn’t show up, either.
My oldest sister-in-law had to work to support her child through university, so she didn't have any spare time. So my husband asked me to quit my job and take care of his mother. I thought that, since I was a practitioner I should not behave the same as they did. I quit my job to take care of my mother-in-law full time.
She had nerve pain, and as a result couldn’t sit or lie down. Therefore, she walked a lot and I had to follow her around. When she felt tired, she would sit for a short while then carry on with her walk. At night, she was in so much pain that she couldn’t sleep.
I always tried to comfort her and make her feel better. I also made delicious meals for her. No matter how busy she kept me, I always had a smile on my face.
“Under all circumstances, we must be good and kind to others, not to mention to our family members.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I told my mother-in-law to recite “Falun Dafa is good!” When I listened to Master’s lectures, she got to hear them as well and, as a result, her pain was alleviated.
When my husband saw I was taking care of her wholeheartedly, he was very touched, saying that none of his sisters could do that. Some of our neighbors knew I practiced Dafa, and they praised me for that as well. There were also times where I didn’t do well.
My youngest sister-in-law always came over to find fault with me and stir up trouble. I didn’t like her and was hesitant to invite her over. One time, she said something very bad about her mother. I was so mad that I immediately started a fight with her and told her to leave.
Actually, the reason this happened to me was to target my competitive mentality. I disliked her, resented her, and had the attachment to saving face. Her loud cursing embarrassed me.
At that time, I realized my competitive mentality was as strong as ice; it was like a sharp knife that harmed others as well as myself. I knew that was not me, and I didn’t want it. It was infused into me by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). I knew I had to dismantle and eliminate it.
After having this thought, whenever we sat together for meals I was very calm. I had no resentment for my husband’s sisters and I didn't get mad at them at all.
Eliminating My Fear by Participating in Prosecuting Jiang Zemin
I went to a material production center in 2015 and saw a few practitioners busy preparing their letter to prosecute Jiang Zemin, the former Chinese leader. Some practitioners were sorting out the letters, and some were filling out the mailing slips. I asked about the procedure. I was concerned that I had to provide my personal information.
After I came home, I thought about what information I should put on the form, particularly because I had never been arrested.
This came down to fear. I was afraid that after I disclosed my personal information, I’d be targeted. Right then, Master’s Fa came to mind:
“If humans didn’t take action when cosmic changes occurred, such situations would therefore not come about in ordinary human society, and neither could they be called cosmic changes.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
I enlightened to the fact that, as a practitioner, an element of Dafa, when the changes in the cosmos and the Fa-rectification have reached this point, how could I still hide?
I knew I must let go of this postnatal notion to protect myself. Master said:
“If you do not want to change your human state and rationally rise to a true understanding of Dafa, you will miss the opportunity. If you do not change the human logic that you, as an ordinary human, have formed deep in your bones over thousands of years, you will be unable to break away from this superficial human shell and reach Consummation.” (“Cautionary Advice,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
I felt that my dimensional field was very clean, so I began writing the letter. After it was done, I asked Mr. Lin to help me look it over. He said that my letter had some competitive mentality in it. Then he helped me with some edits, and I felt it was much better than before.
After I filled out my information, I felt so happy, without a trace of fear. I felt that it was something I was supposed to do.
Mailing the letter was easy. I received an acknowledgment of receipt and didn't feel any fear of the possible consequences.
One day, a secretary of our community ran into me and asked if I’d written an appeal letter. She said I was on the list that her supervisor had given her. I acknowledged that I had and clarified the facts to her.
I also told her why I had to write the letter. Later on I had the opportunity to help her quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations. She never came back to me about the letter.
Before I began to practice, I was selfish and arrogant, always liked to suppress others, was intolerant, looked down on others, liked to be praised, and was always fighting. I was full of all kinds of shortcomings. None of these complied with Dafa's principles—they were part of CCP culture.
I knew I must eliminate all of them. Guided by Dafa and with fellow practitioners’ help, I learned how to cultivate. When a conflict occurs, I look inward and see where I fall short. I know how to clearly distinguish it and quickly get rid of it so as to improve myself. Just as Master said:
“With attachments left behind, the lightened boats sail swiftly,With a preoccupied human heart, crossing the ocean proves arduous.” (“The Knowing Heart,” Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Master helped me, someone who was full of karma. He pulled me out of the big human dye vat and cleansed me. And he has been looking after me at all times.
My gratitude to Master knows no bounds. Only by cultivating myself solidly can I not let Master down.
Thank you, Master!