Discovering the Root of My Sentimentality
(Minghui.org) When I was persecuted and tortured by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), I was able to strengthen my righteous thoughts and let go of my attachment to life and death. But when faced with sentimentality (qing), I found it rather hard to let go.
The persecution I suffered put tremendous pressure on my husband and son. They were afraid I would be arrested again.
One day, the director of our community came to my home to have me write a guarantee statement. I told him, “I became healthy through practicing Dafa; Dafa saved me. Why won’t you allow me to practice? There is nothing wrong with following Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance!”
Seeing I was so firm, the director had to leave. However, my son’s distress escalated when he read online that the government could arrest me at any time, whether I signed the statement or not.
A Heartfelt Conversation
It hurt me that my son was worrying all day long. He was emaciated due to stress and not eating, and also battled with insomnia. I compassionately approached him and said, “Though you don’t practice, you know how wonderful Falun Dafa is and that our family has benefited from it. You don’t have to be afraid of the Communist Party.
“We have Master Li to protect us, and only what He says counts. This time I was arrested because of my own attachments, and the dark minions saw this and took advantage. From now on, I will only follow the requirements of Dafa in everything I do, and I will for sure be safe.
“Since I began practicing Dafa, not only I have been doing well physically and mentally, but your dad has benefited as well. Didn’t Master help him a few times when he was seriously ill?”
Finally I told him, “This evil Party will collapse, and we should do things by following our conscience. You are a man, and you should stand up against brutality. I am not even afraid, so what are you afraid of?”
With my encouragement, both my son and husband finally calmed down. At the same time, I began to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil factors manipulating them to interfere with my clarifying the facts.
I wanted to eliminate their fear and have them understand the message “Falun Dafa is wonderful! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is wonderful!” deep in their hearts.
The Sticky Nature of Sentimentality
Even though I was sending righteous thoughts, every time I went out, my husband was clearly frightened. I could understand his thinking, but, as a practitioner, how could I not tell people about Dafa and help them?
The way my husband looked at me entangled me until I was mired in sentimentality. As a result, I missed the chance of helping quite a number of people who had predestined relationships with me. I felt extreme remorse.
Master Li said:
“The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts.” (“Drive Out Interference” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I knew that only through studying the Fa could I snap out of sentimentality. I also focused on sending forth righteous thoughts in an intensive way. Gradually, I became a bit more relaxed and managed to change my state of mind.
Master also said:
“Cultivation must take place through tribulations so as to test whether you can part with and care less about different kinds of human qing and desires. If you are attached to these things, you will not succeed in cultivation. Everything has its karmic relationship. Why can human beings be human? It is because human beings have qing. They live just for this qing. Affection among family members, love between a man and a woman, love for parents, feelings, friendship, doing things for the sake of friendship, and everything else all relate to this qing. Whether a person likes to do something or not, is happy or unhappy, loves or hates something, and everything in the entire human society comes from this qing. If this qing is not relinquished, you will be unable to cultivate. If you break free from this qing, nobody can affect you. An everyday person’s mind will be unable to sway you. What comes and replaces it is benevolence, which is a nobler thing.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I read this paragraph over and over again, and looked inward. In the end, I found my attachment to sentimentality. Where did this attachment come from? It came from fear.
Though I was not afraid of death, I was afraid my family would be harmed. I asked for Master’s help to turn my sentimentality into compassion.
Though my husband and son were under pressure and suffering, they were beings who knew about the truth and had been helped. As to those who don’t know the truth but are also Master’s family members, how pitiful are they?
Making Necessary Adjustments
How could I stop my family from worrying about me when I go out to tell people about the persecution? I decided to use the time I normally use for morning grocery shopping to reach out to people.
When I went out in the morning, there was some construction going on with workers from out of town. Many of them were very receptive to what I had to say about withdrawing from the CCP.
A few months later, when the weather changed, they all left and it got dark much earlier. I wondered what to do.
I discussed this with two practitioners from our Fa-study group: “I want to make sure there is enough time in the early evening to talk to people about Dafa. That’s when people are off work and students are off school, and my family wouldn’t worry that I was out doing Dafa projects. So they wouldn’t have to worry about me.”
We worked as a team. They helped prepare the informational materials for me, sent forth righteous thoughts to help ensure my safety, and studied the Fa with me after I returned.
With their help and Master’s protection, regardless of whether it rained or snowed, or even if I encountered disagreeable people, I was safe and sound.
Gaining a Righteous Advantage
If someone started swearing at me, I’d look inward to see if I still had the competitive mentality instilled in me by the communist Party culture.
I once ran into a person who believed the CCP’s propaganda against Falun Dafa and wanted to take me to the police station. I smiled at him and said, “I’m here to wish you safety, and you want to take me to the police station?!”
Right away, he said, “Okay, I’ll let you go. This is what I do for a living.”
I said, “Please don’t do this again. This is not good for you.” He waved at me and left.
Except for some odd cases, I mostly encountered appreciation. One time, a person who learned the facts said to me, “Your Falun Dafa is truly amazing! We think most highly of you in our hearts!”
Every time I heard their praise, I felt grateful to Master for helping me save people. No matter how difficult the environment was, I didn’t feel any hardship. I believe I should not waste any of the time that Master has extended for us through His tremendous suffering.
I had a dream in which I was sitting in a train on newly built tracks in the mountains. I came to enlighten that I had finally created a path for myself.
Helping People Amidst the Epidemic
Right when we finished handing out truth-clarification calendars before the Chinese New Year, we heard about the CCP virus (the coronavirus responsible for Covid-19). Every day, seeing the death toll going up in the countryside, practitioners from our group felt very sad. We all thought this would be the last opportunity that Master provided for us to help people, and we knew we must make use of all available resources.
We divided our tasks among the three of us. Ms. Li and I went out during the daytime to clarify the truth, and Ms. He was responsible for preparing our materials.
I took care of distributing them from household to household. During Chinese New Year, we called people on the phone to tell them, “Please remember, ‘Falun Dafa is wonderful! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is wonderful!’”
We treated every day as if it was the very last day of Fa-rectification. Ms. Li said, “If I didn’t go out to tell people the truth about Falun Dafa that day, I’d feel it was such a waste of time.”
Our city was later locked down as well. There were people guarding the roads, with police cars escorting everyone. However, pedestrians could easily get in and out as long as they wore masks. There was hardly anyone on the road.
I was worried to the point I felt like crying: “Where are you, sentient beings in my world? Please quickly come out. If you don't come out, then you will lose your chance.”
While thinking that, someone came walking towards me. I quickly went up to him and said, “Hello! How are you? Can I give you an amulet?”
Even before I took it out, he began to shout, “What’s that? Are you Falun Dafa?” I felt a bit strange, then quickly asked for Master’s help to stop him from committing a crime against Dafa and took off.
Afterwards, I began to recall that he was one of the local police officers. I began to look inward to see why I ran into danger.
I believe it was due to the sentimentality I felt towards sentient beings in my world, as well as anxiety and fear. During those few days, police officers often came to my apartment building.
Someone told my husband, “Community people have arranged for the police to go looking for Falun Dafa practitioners.” I knew this was a test for me. As a Fa-rectification period practitioner, I must completely negate all the old forces’ arrangements by following what Master requires of us.
Staying Grounded in the Fa
“Cultivation is hard. It’s hard in that even when a terrible calamity strikes, even when evil madly persecutes, and even when your life is at stake, you still have to be able to steadfastly continue on your path of cultivation without letting anything in human society interfere with the steps you take on your path of cultivation.” (“Path” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I have memorized and have been reciting this part of the Fa and asking for Master’s help to strengthen my righteous thoughts. No matter how difficult the environment was, I still went out every day to tell people the truth about Dafa.
Our Fa-study group never stopped for one day. We not only studied the Fa but also sent forth righteous thoughts every hour. We encouraged each other and shared our experiences in truth-clarification.
For instance, Ms. Li suggested that instead of starting off by giving someone an amulet, I should let them know about the truth first.
I went out with Ms. Li a few times to observe how she handled the process of clarifying the facts. She was very casual as if chatting with a friend. When facing police cars and officers doing surveillance, she just ignored them and talked to people as usual. By looking at her, I clearly saw my shortcomings.
I then began chatting with people. And, no matter whether or not I could bring Dafa into our conversation, I’d treat them with compassion.
As a result, I have gradually become more at ease. No matter how many people I help quit the CCP, I will remain committed to reaching out to people every day, do the three things well, and be a true practitioner.