Looking for Notions That Hinder My Improvement
(Minghui.org) On May 31, 2019, I went to a nearby village to clarify the truth about Falun Dafa (also called Falun Gong). I was reported by someone and arrested by the local police.
Arrested and Interrogated
Four policemen forcibly handcuffed my arms behind my back. One of them hurt my arms, which made me feel like a criminal. My heart was filled with the feelings of losing face, hatred, and thoughts of revenge. I yelled at the policemen, “I’m a weak girl, and four of you guys are treating me this way?! Aren't you afraid of [karmic] retribution?” One of them told me that I was not weak. I was shocked—yes, I have Master–how could I be weak?
At the police station, they took my blood sample, as well as finger and palm prints. I tried to resist, but I felt that I was having an everyday person’s fight without a cultivator's righteous thoughts.
Two policemen interrogated me. One of them was very cold. I feared that they would torture me. I talked to them loudly.
I started to clarify the truth, anxiously hoping that they would understand and release me. I tried to warn them with cases of high-ranking government officials who had persecuted Falun Gong meeting with karmic retribution. The cold policeman said he knew all of those cases. They then went out for lunch.
After they came back, they took me to a detention center, where I was detained for seven days.
I didn't feel compassion during the entire process. I only tried to tell them what fate they would have if they persecuted Falun Gong. It was not really for their own good, as I had selfish motivations while clarifying the truth to them.
“True shan is what a cultivator attains in the process of cultivation and cultivating goodness, and this is a genuine shan that is achieved by cultivation. When you interact with sentient beings, it's not possible for you to display your successfully-cultivated divine side in full, since you still have a human side that has yet to complete cultivation. When required, you must be rational and clearheaded like a cultivator, allowing your responsibilities and righteous thoughts to direct you, and only then will your true shan be displayed. That is what's different about a cultivator and a divine being. And that is what compassion means--not some intentional display, show of human preference for this or that, or an instantiation of, “If you're good to me, then I will be shan toward you.” It is offered unconditionally and has no thought of reward--it is fully for the sake of sentient beings. When this compassionate goodness emerges, its strength is without equal, and it will disintegrate any bad factors.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference”, Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. IX)
Measuring myself against the Fa, I felt ashamed. After cultivating for so many years, I still took an everyday person’sapproach to fight the policeman instead of using a cultivator's compassion to face them.
After being released, I calmly looked inward. Before this incident, Master had given me hints. In a dream, I saw that I had been reported by a bad person when I was clarifying the truth. I ran away, after which I woke up.
I knew that I should not let the old forces persecute me, even if I had loopholes in cultivation. I told myself that I would rectify myself with the Fa and didn’t need them to test me.
However, for some time I didn't read the Fa calmly or feel much improvement. I did the three things as if barely finishing some assignments. I felt exhausted when doing the three things. In such a state, I didn't have the power of the Fa when doing things because I had deviated from the Fa. I also knew that I was not like a cultivator, although I still kept a cultivator's image at the surface level. Actually during that period, the fake self with all kinds of human notions was controlling me.
More importantly, after cultivating for so many years, I was still easily influenced by hatred and demonic factors in my thoughts and behavior. In daily life, I very rarely fought with others or had physical conflicts. I thought that my behavior was what it should be. However, when arrested by the policeman, especially when they physically attacked me, I felt humiliated and insulted. The attachment to losing face and honor made me fight with them, and I forgot how a cultivator should act.
“While one is in a conflict, the clashes between each other even surpass the physical pains. I would say that the physical pains are the easiest thing to endure, as they can be overcome by biting the teeth tightly. When a conflict takes place between one another, the mind is the hardest thing to control.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Doing the Three Things Like an Ordinary Person
In the last few years, although I did the three things every day, my thoughts and behavior did not met the criteria of the Fa. I didn't really cultivate solidly, nor did I have a correct understanding of the relationship between personal and Fa-rectification cultivation.
“Anyway, since as cultivators you know that everything you do in society right now, including in your own personal life, falls within the realm of cultivation, then even more so should you take seriously everything that unfolds around you, and take more seriously this formless form of cultivation that you do.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. X)
But I separated cultivation and doing things. I didn't rigorously discipline myself in daily life, and my physical body always had some problems. I could not read the Fa calmly, and I could not stay up until midnight to send forth righteous thoughts. I had been interfered with by the old forces.
If one does not cultivate based on the Fa, all of what he or she does are based on everyday people's ways of doing things, not cultivating. If this state is prolonged, the fake self will bury the true self, and one will get into a state in which he or she would treat it as finishing an assignment.
I realized that it is important to distinguish the true and fake selves. If one can distinguish them, one can disintegrate the old forces' persecution. Meanwhile, we need to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the fake self that is made of human notions, selfishness, demonic nature, and fighting mentalities. One needs to eliminate the selfish mechanism of the old universe.
“Let us talk about the most common illnesses. Somewhere in the body one may have a tumor, infection, osteophytosis, etc. It is because in another dimension there lies a being in that place. That being is in a very deep dimension.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
So, we need to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the negative substance that is made of fear, thought karma, lustful desires, pursuit of comfort, hatred, and jealousy.
I had a dream that I was in a deep, dark cave with water. I saw a turtle-like being and an ugly hairy animal run away, and then I was rescued from the cave. I knew my fake self had run away and that my true self had awakened.
As Fa-rectification cultivation approaches its end, we need to think seriously about many problems, such as what kinds of notions have hindered our improvement. Are those notions being protected by our fake self? Do we gain enlightenment from reading the Fa every day? Do we do the three things with an everyday person’s notions or a divine being's righteous thoughts? Do we follow our attachment to comfort? Do we use our Buddha-nature to eliminate those attachments? If we don't measure ourselves against the high-level requirements of the Fa, our true self remains buried.