Strengthened by the Fa, We Looked Within to Save Our Fragile Family
(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa in 2010. In 2012, after my husband passed away, I moved to my daughter’s house. My daughter and her husband were not Falun Dafa practitioners at that time. At the end of 2012, my 38-year-old daughter gave birth to a lovely baby girl. She used to say “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good” all the time. The whole family was very happy.
However, after a few days passed with the joy of a newborn in the home, my daughter Jing and her husband Hai suddenly started to argue frequently. My son-in-law was angered by trivial things. My granddaughter was frightened by his loud yelling and frequently cried. He quit his job, but did nothing to help with chores around the house. He said that he was too tired to help and would either play on his cell phone or leave home for the day. Hai also announced that he would like to sell the house and apply for subsidiary housing. This was an outrageous idea!
At one point Jing experienced facial paralysis and had difficulty eating for several days. However, in order to keep the family afloat, she had to go to work. Meanwhile, Hai played around and I never saw him express any love or kindness to my daughter. He always criticized and blamed others. One time, he was so angry that he grabbed Jing by the neck and choked her, claiming that he would kill her. Fortunately, I was there and stopped him.
My daughter is diligent and docile. She just cried and did not fight back. After witnessing such violence, my heart was filled with hatred and complaints about Hai. I spent every day in their home with horror and anger in my heart.
I was always afraid that I would accidentally irritate Hai and he might explode like a bomb. I fell into fighting with others as well. I became angry easily and full of complaints about my daughter’s situation. She worked so hard, got up early and went to sleep late, all for this family. She had a caesarean section to give birth to a beautiful granddaughter. She needed economic help and family support. However, this “lazy person” was all that she had! Therefore, she relied on her 70-year-old mother for help. This did not seem right!
Jing’s monthly salary was 3,000 yuan. With a new baby she was quite short of money. I took out my pension to help them pay the mortgage, in addition to covering my own living expenses. How would we get by in the future? We were in the “smoke of war” every day in our family life. If I didn’t practice Falun Dafa, I could not have stayed there. How could I do the three things well under these conditions? When I felt anxious, I even wished that they would get a divorce so my daughter could be free. However, my daughter had just started cultivation and had learned some basic principles. She knew that she could not get divorced. What should we do?
There are no accidents in Falun Dafa cultivation practice. We have to use the Fa as guidance. Master said:
“While one is in a conflict, the clashes between each other even surpass the physical pains. I would say that the physical pains are the easiest thing to endure, as they can be overcome by biting the teeth tightly. When a conflict takes place between one another, the mind is the hardest thing to control. ” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
At the beginning, we tried to forbear by removing our resentment and self-interest. We knew that as practitioners we must follow higher standards than non-practitioners. This is easier said than done. The process was up and down. Sometimes when I got up early, busy with chores and truth-clarification activities, Hai would be leisurely eating breakfast. He took all that we did for the family for granted. Also, from time to time, he still blamed others for this and that. Then I felt hatred again.
We asked ourselves why our family life was so bad, and discovered that we were rarely looking inward. Jing and I just resented Hai and complained about him behind his back. We thought everything was all his fault and felt unfortunate to have him around. We just considered Hai to be a freeloader. Our thought was that he did not realize that he was so disliked by us. In fact, that kind of thinking actually generates bad things that may hurt others. I knew that we were too far from the standard of true cultivators after reading Master's words:
“You should always be benevolent and kind to others, and consider others when doing anything. Whenever you encounter a problem, you should first consider whether others can put up with this matter or if it will hurt anyone. In doing so, there will not be any problems.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I started to lead my daughter to study the Fa seriously, practice rigorously, and look inward. Jing and I both found attachments of resentment, self-interest, fear of loss, attachment to family, and so on. In order to get rid of these bad thoughts, I began to memorize and recite the Fa. I came across Master’s words:
“As you know, when a person reaches the Arhat level, in his heart he is not concerned about anything. He does not care at all in his heart for any ordinary human matter, and he will always be smiling and in good spirits. No matter how much loss he suffers, he will still be smiling and in good spirits without any concern.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
These principles suddenly were clear to me.
Master also talked about the story of the ancient general Han Hsin who worked for Emperor Liu Bang. Han Hsin was an ordinary person, but extremely good at forbearance. He could endure the “humiliation of being forced to crawl between another’s legs.” That enabled him go places in life. We are practitioners. Master leads us to save people, to help create a better environment for the future. We are not able to step forward and progress in cultivation if our thoughts are not clear and true. What a shame if we behave otherwise!
It would have been easy for me to leave this terrible family environment. However, where else could I find such a good cultivation environment! From then on, we started to discard all the bad things that we found by looking inward. After eliminating incorrect thoughts, we no longer badmouthed Hai behind his back. As a result, we started practicing kind thoughts and kind words. We sincerely took care of him and tried our best to understand him. Jing and I improved how we communicated with Hai. We adopted his reasonable suggestions to help him feel part of the family.
My daughter and I have completely changed. Under Master’s guidance, I removed the factors that the old forces used to manipulate my son-in-law. Hence, he became better and better. Not only did his temper calm down, but he also said that he would go out to find a job. As it turned out, Hai became a totally different person. He took the initiative to buy a cake for my daughter’s birthday and sometimes even helped with the housework. What a pleasant surprise!
Looking back at our family life, I see that both good and bad helped me to cultivate. It is Master that utilized everything to help us improve our character. Dafa’s principles guide us to perfect our character step by step. How wonderful it is!
The ice melted and the dilemma is passed. My family is harmonious and happy. By looking inward, we are bathed in the grand mercy of Master.