Finding My Attachments by Memorizing the Fa
(Minghui.org) After I was released from prison for refusing to give up my faith, a few Falun Dafa practitioners suggested that I start memorizing the Fa teachings. To me, it was unbelievable that someone my age could do that!
I later read a Minghui article about a practitioner in her late 70s memorizing Zhuan Falun, which helped her validate the goodness of Dafa. I felt ashamed of my previous disbelief. I read the article over and over again and admired the practitioner for living up to the title of Fa-rectification period Falun Dafa disciple.
In April 2019, I began memorizing the Fa every day for an hour after sending righteous thoughts at 6 a.m. It usually took me one or two days to complete a paragraph, as I progressed very slowly. I was worried about my speed and wondered how long it would take me to finish the entire book.
Other practitioners told me not to hurry and to progress according to my ability. I realized I was being impatient and should remove the attachment.
I persisted and, one day, felt confused and very uncomfortable but continued with my daily routine. I told myself it was a good thing, because Master Li Hongzhi might be adjusting my brain.
A few days later, I felt fine, and I was able to memorize sentences much more quickly. I seized every moment to memorize the Fa, and some days I was able to complete several paragraphs. By February 2020, I had finished memorizing Zhuan Falun; it had taken me 10 months.
I started memorizing the book again the next day. This time, I could do it much faster. By April 2, I was on Lecture Five. When I read certain sentences, I related them to the areas of cultivation in which I had fallen short and identified my attachments.
When my son and daughter visited me during the 2020 Chinese New Year, they spent a lot of time playing on their cell phones. They ignored me when I tried to get them to stop. My son swore at the person he was playing an online game with, and my daughter sometimes copied the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) fabrications that slandered Dafa. When I told her they were lies, she sometimes believed me, and other times she argued with me.
When memorizing Lecture Three, I thought, “Why doesn't my energy field have a positive effect on my son?” I invited him to listen while I read the Fa out loud. He swore less often after that.
One day, my son showed me some CCP propaganda on the phone. When I told him it was false, he got upset and we started to argue, which created a lot of tension between us. My daughter said, “Mom, why are you fighting?”
My daughter-in-law ended up telling my son to stay away. She later wouldn't talk to me. I had the ill thought, “Your future daughter-in-law will treat you the same way you are treating me now.”
My daughter later said, “Mom, why did you fight with him? When he wants to argue, just let him be. What’s the point of picking a fight?” She told me to stop nagging and to go and study the Fa. So I did.
I happened to be reading Lecture Four in which Master articulated everything so clearly. After cultivating for 20 years, I was still arguing with an everyday person. I was alarmed that I had such stubborn attachments and regretted that I’d failed the test. I was embarrassed to look at my son and his wife.
I realized that, besides my xinxing issue, qing (emotion) played a part in this incident too. I would not have argued so forcefully if I didn't have any qing.
I had been working on removing my attachments to resentment, competitiveness, jealousy, flattery, vanity, and lust. As soon as certain situations arose, however, I would fall back to acting like an ordinary person and compete, blame, and hold a grudge. After all, I could always see other people’s faults!
An article I read on minghui.org titled “Lower Your Head, Admit Fault and Apologize” hit home. The author wrote, “Sometimes I clearly knew I was at fault, but I couldn’t admit it, because I couldn’t open my mouth [to speak].”
I realized that I had the same problem. Because of my ego, I denied my faults and refused to apologize for them.
I saw that I was opinionated, contemptuous, and inconsiderate because of the CCP's indoctrination over the years. Whenever a problem arose or my human notions were hit upon, I would explain my point, argue, blame, and resent everyone else.
I was not living by the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance if I failed to admit when I was wrong and apologize!
My big ego and other attachments, such as being contemptuous, the need to save face, the desire for fame, my self-interest, and jealousy are all related to the competitive mentality I was brought up with.
By memorizing the Fa, I identified all of these attachments and became determined to remove them. My daughter smiled when I said: “I was wrong. I should not have argued with you and your brother. It was my emotions at work.”
I apologized to my daughter-in-law, too. She replied, “It’s alright. As long as you are happy, we are fine.”
I now understood that my family suffered a lot when the CCP was persecuting me. They were scared and worried about me.
Through memorizing the Fa I clearly understood how I was indoctrinated by the CCP culture. I needed to purify myself through solid Dafa cultivation and fulfill my vows to assist Master in Fa-rectification.
The process of memorizing the Fa also improves my character. When I have a conflict or a mental block, I remember a sentence from the Fa and know what to do. This helps me assimilate to the Fa, which, in turn, guides me in cultivation so I can meet the requirements and standards for different realms of enlightenment.
While out clarifying the truth recently, I could feel Master strengthening me and giving me hints, so I was able to help people understand the truth fully and persuade them to withdraw from the three communist organizations. When I gave people an amulet, they would press their hands together and thank me profusely.
One day, someone asked, “Can you give me some of your good stuff?” I persuaded him to quit the CCP before giving him an amulet. He thanked me repeatedly, so I said, “No need to thank me. You’re a kind person, and Master Li, the Falun Dafa founder, wants me to save you. You should thank him!”
On another occasion as I was talking to someone about the persecution, another person standing nearby was listening. When he saw me give the first person a brochure, he asked, “Can I have one, too?”
I sometimes feel the need to rectify myself. For example, when my mind slips away while reciting the Fa, I recite that sentence or paragraph over and over with a pure heart until it is etched in my mind.
If I happened to think about something I needed to do before studying, I immediately knew this urge was a trap, and it would interfere with my reading. These thoughts could be very strong, but they would disappear immediately when I told myself, “Even if the sky is falling, I will finish studying the Fa before attending to that other thing.”
When I truly calmed down to study or memorize the Fa, I could sit upright for a long time. One day, I did the sitting meditation at 5 a.m., sent righteous thoughts at 6 a.m., and memorized the Fa until 9 a.m. while sitting in the full lotus position the entire time. In the past, I previously couldn't bear to sit in that position for more than two hours.
Over time, my negative thoughts became fewer, I felt balanced and serene, and I knew that Dafa’s beauty was manifested in me.
Memorizing the Fa with a pure heart has brought wonders. I look forward to it every day. I enlightened to so many Fa principles, and my faith was strengthened. I know that only by studying the Fa well can I maintain the best cultivation state and do the three things well.