My Experience of Eliminating My Attachment To Fear
(Minghui.org) I was harassed and threatened by CCP officials and police officers after I sued Jiang Zemin with my real name in 2015. I had a deep-rooted fear in my heart whenever they visited me.
This Fear Is Not the Real Me
A strong fear followed me and made me miserable. Once, in order to prove that I was not afraid, I visited the police and tried to clarify the truth to them. But I didn’t realize at the time that my purpose was not righteous. I went to clarify the truth to them for the sake of getting rid of my fear, not because I wanted to save them. So I didn’t achieve the results I wanted.
Because my thoughts weren't righteous, I didn’t have the powerful energy to eliminate the bad thoughts that controlled the police. On the contrary, they trapped me in conversation and left me speechless.
I felt frustrated after returning home. I felt embarrassed and ashamed, thinking that I was incompetent. And the fear overwhelmed me for a period of time after that. It was so pervasive that small things like an unusual noise at the door, a phone ringing, or an unknown caller ID would scare me. I was afraid of police cars too. I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate this fear and told myself that I should not be afraid, but neither of these things had much of an effect.
In the end, I eliminated this immense fear, little by little, by studying the Fa. I got rid of those substances that scared me through reading Zhuan Falun.
What had the deepest impression on me was the following passage,
“Our Falun Dafa will protect practitioners from deviating. How does it protect you? If you are a true practitioner, our Falun will safeguard you. I am rooted in the universe. If anyone can harm you, he or she would be able to harm me. Put simply, that person would be able to harm this universe.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
While I was reading those lines, a light flashed before my eyes and I felt a warmth in my heart. It felt like the mountain of fear which had been pressing down on me in another dimension broke and disintegrated.
The more I studied the Fa, the stronger my righteous thoughts grew, and the clearer my thinking became. I almost completely eliminated my fear when I reached “Your Main Consciousness Should Predominate” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I realized that the one who had always been afraid was not the real me, but the fake me formed by acquired notions and karma. And those bad thoughts, especially the negative ones, were mostly thought karma imposed upon me by the old forces. I was glad to finally realize that they were not the true me, nor what Master wanted me to be. Instead, they were something I should eliminate.
After I realized this, it became easier for me to get rid of fear. Those fearful thoughts were almost all gone by the time I read through Lecture Nine of Zhuan Falun. Looking back now, I know that I made myself too small, which made the fear bigger than it should be.
Master Protects Me
Recently, government officials came to my house again to pressure me to give up cultivation. As always, they tried to intimidate me into “transforming” and giving up Dafa. This time, I didn't think too much about it. I did not try to convince anyone or prove my fearlessness.
I only had one thought in my mind… No matter who came, no matter how many times I was intimidated, no matter how they interrogated me, I would stick to my bottom line to never betray Master and Dafa. I then asked Master to grant me the wisdom and strength to clarify the truth to these beings so that they would not commit crimes again.
The result of this confrontation was similar to those in the past. Neither party was about to persuade the other. But after this encounter, my mentality was quite different from before. I no longer regarded this incident as “harassment” that I was afraid of. Instead, I learned a lot from it.
First of all, I finally understood when Master said that we should “...try to beat them at their own game...” (“Fa Teaching at the 2015 West Coast Fa Conference”) Before, I didn't quite understand the meaning of Master’s words. I didn’t even understand the relationship between “completely negating the arrangement of the old forces” and “looking inward as soon as an incident happens.”
I realized that this talk was a test to see what I would choose under pressure, and whether I would firmly believe in Dafa. I resolved to cultivate Dafa to the end no matter how long it took, where I was, or what difficulties were standing in my way.
I obtained the Fa only a few years ago, so I still had many attachments. Whenever I encountered conflicts and tribulations, I couldn’t tell if it was arranged by Master for me to improve, or by the evil old forces to destroy me.
In their most recent visit, the officials threatened to detain me in a brainwashing center if I kept refusing to write a statement denouncing Dafa.
I replied, “I believe in a universal principle which says that good will be rewarded and evil punished. I will not go anywhere where I shouldn’t be.”
At the same time, I thought to myself, “Master has the final say. I don’t believe you.”
In my understanding, the old forces manipulated those officials to intimidate me over and over again to give up my cultivation. These officials knew that I didn't pose any threat to their so-called security and social stability. They just wanted to force me to betray Master and Dafa. Of course, I would not be fooled.
I am very fortunate to have Master’s constant protection, divine beings watching over me, and my knowing side’s supernormal abilities to help me. What am I afraid of? All tribulations have their reasons, as Master said:
“These are all your own tribulations that we use to improve your xinxing, and you will be able to overcome them. As long as you upgrade your xinxing, you can overcome them. Unless you, yourself do not want to do so, you can make it, provided you want to overcome them. Therefore, from now on when you come across a conflict you should not consider it a coincidence.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Regardless of what forms of tribulations we encounter, they are barriers and obstacles we need to overcome. The key is whether our minds are righteous. Master can do everything for us as long as our human notions do not get in the way.
I also discovered from this encounter that the CCP clearly knows that Falun Gong practitioners pose no harm to society. But it still spares no effort to persecute us and fabricate lies about us. The real reason is that Falun Dafa is righteous while the CCP is evil. Since ancient times, evil can never prevail over good. Therefore, the CCP is afraid of Falun Dafa, just like how darkness disappears when there is light. Therefore, Dafa disciples no longer need to be afraid. We must have righteous thoughts and righteous actions. The upright does not need to fear the crooked.
I noticed changes in myself after this encounter. Before, I always regarded the people who came to threaten me as “evil,” so I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil beings behind them. However, it didn’t have much of an effect. This time, I saw them as puppets controlled by the CCP. They are persecutors on the lowest rung of the ladder, so they are also coerced and forced to do this by the evil CCP.
I also understood when Master said:
“Aren't even those who carry out the persecution, with the exception of the head of the evil, themselves targeted by the persecution?” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference”)
This was the first time that I truly had compassion and sympathy for these officials from the bottom of my heart. I felt sad that they were unable to listen to the truth; my righteous thoughts had not been strong enough to dissolve the evil beings that controlled them.
I have since awakened. I know I need to cultivate diligently. I should no longer hold on to my attachments and waste time. I have realized that purest energy comes from powerful righteous thoughts after I improve in level. And only with pure righteous thoughts can I fulfill my vow to save sentient beings.
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