I Confronted My Fear
(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. For ten of those years, fear accompanied me and enveloped me. It seemed to be such a natural part of me that I didn’t realize it was there until one day.
I was arrested and detained in a forced labor camp. I had hand copies of Master’s articles. When another practitioner had one, the guard found it. That practitioner was worried that I would be punished. She felt very guilty and I comforted her. Actually I was terrified. I had Master’s other articles that practitioners had hand copied and I stored them in a safe place. If any practitioner wanted to read one, they would come to me and then return it after they finished. If something happened to me, all the copies would be gone and those seven or eight practitioners who copied the articles might be in danger.
I was very nervous for the next two days and wondered if I should tell another practitioner where the articles were hidden. But I didn’t because I didn’t want her to worry. I waited for the guards to single me out.
The deputy leader called me into her office the next evening. I worried that she would talk about the article. But she didn’t mention it and instead pressured and threatened me to stop practicing Falun Dafa.
My Fear Manifests
After I returned to the cell, I felt enveloped by fear. At that moment I saw a layer of gray fog come from my heart area. It enveloped my entire body and then vanished.
I was surprised but didn’t know that it was the substance of fear. I just thought it was something bad. I sent forth righteous thoughts for a while. Because the substance disappeared immediately, I didn’t pay much attention to it.
The guard who found the article was very kind and didn’t report it to her boss. Several days later she tore it into pieces in front of the practitioner and told her to be careful in the future.
I handed the copied articles to another practitioner before I left the forced labor camp.
For the first three years after I was released, I actively clarified the truth. But I increasingly slacked off. I thought this was caused by my busy work schedule.
After the fourth year, my workload expanded. I also had many household chores. As a result, I had even less time to study the Fa. I only managed to read Zhuan Falun a few times each year and rarely read Master’s other articles. I no longer had time to clarify the truth to people. I was too busy with my everyday job and didn’t think about why this happened until the 10th year.
That year a local practitioner began having misunderstandings about Dafa after she read a fake article. I didn’t want to give up on her. So when I sent righteous thoughts to help clear out the negative elements, I inadvertently entered her dimensional field. I felt an enormous pressure which almost suffocated me. It was hard to describe in words.
Two days later I told another practitioner about this incident, so she joined me in sending righteous thoughts for that practitioner. We sent righteous thoughts three times each evening for her.
Identifying and Eliminating My Fear
I felt the pressure lessening after the other practitioner joined in. At 9 p.m. on the fourth day when I was doing the big hand lotus gesture, I saw a transparent glass-like body that looked like me shatter into pieces. The sharp, crystal fragments turned into dreadful torture instruments such as handcuffs, electric batons, whips, electric chairs, etc.
I was taken aback. What was that?!
Afterwards I noticed some obvious changes in myself. I no longer had fear when I saw police cars and could face policemen on the street. I started to clarify the truth to people. I realized that that clear body was my fear. But not until that moment did I realize that I had fear. The fear had already formed a layer in my body. But when did I start to have this fear? I tried to trace it back.
I remembered that grayish fog that projected from my heart when I was in the forced labor camp. I had fear at that time. Because I ignored it, it was gradually reinforced. It formed a layer in my body and enveloped me tightly.
I cried for three days after I realized what happened – I felt sad for a few months. I had been encased in fear for ten years! How much time did I have left for cultivation? I slacked off for ten years and had no idea that I had fear. I was letting Master down.
I made up my mind to catch up with Fa-rectification and break through the various obstacles caused by my fear.
When the police harassed me a year later, I felt fear again and saw a layer of grayish fog come from my heart. I said to myself: “I will not make the same mistake. I must let go of fear.”
That night as soon as I opened a Dafa book, I started to cry. My tears flowed as I read the first four pages. My knowing side must have seen that Master was helping me.
As I read the Fa, many negative substances were removed by the Fa's power. I suddenly heard the sound of something being shattered. My fear was gone!
Before that I was not able to distinguish the difference between being fearful and being careful about security. After this substance was removed I could.
The next day I went to see a few friends and clarified the truth to them. I managed to overcome many obstacles that I'd previously had when I clarified the truth to people.
When I studied the Fa with a focused mind, I discovered many of my problems and understood how to overcome them. I also realized why I had difficulty in clarifying the truth to people.
Our wisdom comes from the Fa. As long as we study the Fa seriously and with a focused mind, our problems will be resolved and our attachments will be eliminated. If I had studied the Fa with a focused mind before, the glass-like fear would not have accompanied me for ten years.
I will learn from my painful experience, study the Fa more, cultivate diligently and help Master in the Fa-rectification period.