Digging Out My Fundamental Attachments
(Minghui.org) I was deeply touched by a practitioner’s experience sharing article on the Minghui website about finding their fundamental attachment. I read it several times and was in tears. I then began to reflect on my own cultivation.
I had realized my fundamental attachment for a long time, but I didn’t do anything to eliminate it. I wanted to escape suffering in the cycle of life, to become immortal, and to be happy forever. I wanted to succeed in cultivation for my own peace of mind and to live in comfort.
For a while, I agonized over an emotional conflict and had a hard time staying calm. I began to read and hand copy Master Li Hongzhi’s (the founder) teaching on how to relinquish sentimentality and recited the words over and over until my mind quieted down.
Externally, it appeared that my thoughts were righteous. Internally, though, I was thinking: “Please stop these feelings so I can have peace of mind again. I can barely endure the emotional pain.” I felt strange when this thought came up, but I didn’t dig deeper.
I eventually gained a better understanding of my situation from reading Master’s teachings and practitioners’ experiences. My real goal in trying to let go of sentimentality was to use Master and Dafa to end my personal suffering, a selfish motive. I cried and said, “Master, I am sorry about my selfish and impure motive.”
Letting People Know the Truth
I understood the importance of telling people about Dafa and the persecution and was quite proactive about it for years. Every time before I went out to clarify the truth, I spent time reading Master’s teachings or recited the poems in Hong Yin. I also sent forth righteous thoughts. Yet, I still felt nervous whenever I went out to talk to people. I would eventually overcome those negative thoughts.
When talking to people, I sincerely hoped that they could learn the truth and be saved. In about two hours, I could convince about eight people to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated groups.
At the same time, a voice inside of me would say, “If I don’t tell this person the truth, I will be punished when everything is over. I will never succeed in cultivation.” This deeply-rooted attachment was about my own future, not the welfare of sentient beings.
When things went smoothly in clarifying the truth, I felt happy because people took my advice [to withdraw from the CCP] and I “gained” more credits toward consummation.
When people refused to listen to me or rudely told me to leave, I would feel hurt and stay home for several days. If I am strongly attached to my own feelings, how can I be truly compassionate?
“But the mind of the phony Buddha or phony Bodhisattva is extremely bad and is after money. It is born in another dimension. With the ability to think, it knows a bit of the principles and does not dare to commit major wrongdoing, but it does dare to do minor bad deeds. Sometimes it also helps people; otherwise it would be completely evil and would be killed.” (Lecture Five, Zhuan Falun)
Phony Buddhas also do good deeds and help people. But they do it only for money and to avoid being eliminated. What about me? Although I do the three things, my real motive is to achieve consummation and be happy.
Master told us:
“In offering salvation to people, there is no condition or consideration for cost, reward, or fame. They are thus far nobler than the heroes of everyday people. They do it completely out of their benevolent compassion.” (Lecture Two, Zhuan Falun)
I realized that a real Buddha is not attached to “self” and serves others without any selfish motives. I thought that I knew this principle, but I often failed to follow it in my daily life. I have even been quite complacent in cultivation. I now see my omission and have gained a deeper understanding of what real cultivation is.